[grancasa]

Gotta be the funniest site on the web

http://www.homestarrunner.com/

 

[SBomm]

A penguin is driving across Arizona when his car overheats. So he takes it to a local garage. The mechanic tells him it will be a couple hours before he knows what is wrong.

So the penguin is very hot, it's Arizona after all. He goes for a walk around town and come to an ice cream parlor and heads right in to cool down. He orders a large bowl of vanilla ice cream.
When it arrives he is enjoying it so much he sticks his whole face in it and is loving the coolness.

After a couple hours the penguin goes back to the shop and the mechanic says, "looks like you blew a seal".

No, it's just ice cream.

 

[bifcake]

Hal is petrified of girls, so he asks his friend Lenny how he meets so
many nice chicks.
Lenny says, "I have a sure-fire method to feel them out. I go up
behind a girl, and whisper in her ear, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' and when she of course turns around and asks what I said, I say, 'Particularly nice weather.' If she smiles or laughs, I know she has a sense of humor, we chat, and it all
follows naturally. Try it."

The next night, nervous but desperate, Hal goes to a very crowded bar, and sits in the corner, stewing, nursing a drink, getting more uptight every second. Finally, he walks up behind the nicest girl in the place, and after a few minutes of stammering, blurts out so everyone can hear,
"Stick my finger in your ass?"
She turns and says, "What?"
He says, "Look at the ****ing rain."

 

[Todd R]

Speaking of the world's funniest joke.....
There was a Monty Python episode where a man discovered the world's funniest joke. It was so funny it was fatal....you laughed yourself to death if you read it.

The British military had it translated to German and the soldiers ran through the field shouting the joke in order to kill the enemy.

I'm dying to know what the joke was. Are there any German speaking Python fans who can translate for me?

 

[miroslav]

Here is the evil man`s joke from the same Monty Python episode:

"Film of Hitler rally. Hitler speaks;
'MY DOG'S GOT NO NOSE'
A young soldier responds:
HOW DOES HE SMELL?
Hitler speaks:
`AWFUL' "

And here you can see the script of this entire episode as well as of complete Monty Python series:
http://www.saifai.co.uk/pse1.shtml#8

note: post corrected due to grave mistake spotted by kerelybronto

 

[2 channel]

A drunk stumbles down the road, bumps into a man walking the opposite way. "'scuse me says the drunk, but could you tell me the direction to the other side of the road ?"
The puzzled man looks at the drunk and says " Er, yeh sure, it just over there...". " Ah thanks alot...Some lousy person just sent me over here" replies the drunk.


OK, OK, One more...

2 lesbian frogs are sitting in the swamp one day when one turns to the other and says, "Youre right! It does taste like chicken"

 

[00940]

a rabbit and a bear have 3 wishes.

The bear asks to begin and the rabbit agree.
"I want all the bears of this wood to be female"

Then the rabbit : "I want a nice motorbike"
The bear tells him"you stupid man, I want all the bears of the country to be female".

The rabbit continues "I want a helmet to go on my motorbike"
"you're even more stupid than I thought rabbit; I want all the bears in the world to be female".

The rabbit jumps on his new motorbike, put the helmet on his head, goes away shouting "I want the bear to be gay !".

 

[bifcake]

A rabbit and a bear are taking a **** in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says: Do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur? The rabbit says: Why, no. So, the bear takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

 

[kerelybonto]

miroslav, the Monty Python joke is this: Quote:

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

And the German counter-joke: Quote:

Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel über und der bitte schön ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'.

I think Monty Python got it right -- jokes involving Nazis are the funniest.

kerely

 

[Matthew-Spaltro]

"Have you heard the latest blonde joke?"
"Hey, can't you see I'm blonde?"
"Oh, that's all right. I'll tell it very slowly and explain any big words

 

[elgoog]

i don't sprechen desutch. any idea what it means? babelfish came up with junk.

 

[redshifter]

Quote:

Originally posted by bifcake Hal is petrified of girls, so he asks his friend Lenny how he meets so many nice chicks. Lenny says, "I have a sure-fire method to feel them out. I go up behind a girl, and whisper in her ear, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' and when she of course turns around and asks what I said, I say, 'Particularly nice weather.' If she smiles or laughs, I know she has a sense of humor, we chat, and it all follows naturally. Try it." The next night, nervous but desperate, Hal goes to a very crowded bar, and sits in the corner, stewing, nursing a drink, getting more uptight every second. Finally, he walks up behind the nicest girl in the place, and after a few minutes of stammering, blurts out so everyone can hear, "Stick my finger in your ass?" She turns and says, "What?" He says, "Look at the ****ing rain."

good one!

 

[falkon72]

You guys have thoroughly entertained me.

What do u call an all blonde skydiving team?
Another version of lawn darts.

 

[squirt]

Mr. and Mrs. Wong are eagerly expecting the birth of their child...

After many hours of ardurous labor Mrs. Wong finally gives birth to a healthy baby but oddly the baby has a full head of blond hair...

The delivery nurse asks Mr. Wong what he's going to name the baby...

Mr. Wong looking a bit puzzled replies; Uhh well, two wongs don't make a white so i guess we name baby Sum Ting Wong...

 

[miroslav]

Kerelybonto, you are right and I was very much wrong.

I should have paid more attention to the content of my own discovery. Considering how many times I have seen entire Monty Python opus, I deserve nothing less then crucifixion for this kind of mistake...

Yeah, I know the way - Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each.

note: previous post corrected