[acidbasement]

I'm the sole bread-winner in my family. My wife takes care of our one year-old, and we have a new baby coming in May. We're not what you would call "poor", but money is always tight, and there are always things to buy that are vastly more important than audio gear.

The main problem is that while I am the bread-winner, my wife is the finance manager, so when I say I want to buy something, hers is the voice of reason that says we should probably wait. The only solution I can think of is for her to "give" me a certain amount of discretionary money every month, that I can spend on entertainment, goods, etc., or save against a future audio purchase. However, nothing takes away one's pride like having an allowance at age 30.

So, what is more important - audio gear (yes allowance) or pride (no allowance)?

If you'd like, watch this bit of hilarity before you answer: YouTube - Corner Gas - Oscar's Allowance

 

[chesebert]

be a man! ... have a private UBS off-shore bank account!

 

[RockCity]

I think your wife is very mature to uphold the concept of savings. Your filial priorities should be more important than your hobby. I doubt you can enjoy anything with two youngin'.

 

[Sherwood]

My wife and I both have an allowance -- basically a set amount every week we've agreed upon that leaves enough for our other monetary commitments (rent, tithe, savings, etc.)

It's not humiliating in my eyes, it's indicative of discipline. It also really reduced the number of arguments we had about money, and she stopped questioning how much items I purchased cost long ago. If I could afford it on my allowance, then we could afford it.

I should hope your pride is not predicated upon how much money you spend, but rather how you live your life. If finances are tight, there is reason to be proud in rising above that and being fiscally responsible.

 

[limpidglitch]

wife knows better.

 

[Sherwood]

^^^ ding ding ding

 

[Taikero]

There's no shame in having a budget. Don't think of it as an allowance, just think of it as a way to make sure you get what you want while still making sure you're financially stable.

All you really need to improve your audio equipment substantially in a short time is $50-$100/month anyway. I've honestly been considering figuring out a way to budget myself this way (I've got nobody except myself to worry about, but it's never a bad idea to be frugal).

Anyway, if your wife knows a certain amount is going to you each month, then you won't have to have the conversation every time you want to buy something. You'll just buy it and be happy. She'll be happy also because you've gotten what you wanted and your purchase hasn't caused upheaval to her financial plans for the family.


I think the best way to do this is simply, "Honey, I want to eventually spend X on Y. I don't want what I want to hurt our family, especially the future of the one on the way. I am requesting Z dollars per month I can use toward this in order to reach my goal in [this many] months. How does this fit into our financial plan, and depending on our budget, can the amount I've requested increase or must it decrease in order to better fit that budget?"

"By the way, I love you, you're glowing, and you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I would be nothing without you and you are the only thing that makes me truly happy."

 

[progo]

Won't get kids, won't get a partner. Problems solved. Headphones >>> sex.

I think that rhymes in a bad way

 

[acidbasement]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taikero /img/forum/go_quote.gif "By the way, I love you, you're glowing, and you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I would be nothing without you and you are the only thing that makes me truly happy."

Taikero, for the last time, I want you to stay away from my wife.

Just kiddin'. Anyway, I'll swallow my pride and draw up a proposal.

 

[Orcin]

I think you have an excellent idea. You can reach a negotiated amount that is set aside to fund your hobby. You can enjoy the purchases without guilt, and your wife can budget accordingly. If you don't want to actually put the funds in a cookie jar somewhere, I suggest that you at least segregate them physically (separate account, paypal account, etc.) There is nothing to make this plan blow up faster than when you see that rare item go up for sale at a great price and she says. "Sorry, we don't have any cash to spare this month."

Here are some other ways to fund your hobby while maintaining marital bliss:

Divert funds... let's say now you are a smoker. Quit smoking, and put the money that you spend now toward your hobby. This is a win-win, because you spend no additional money and your wife can have you around longer. (This may not be a benefit to her, but we'll just assume that she likes you.) This plan works for almost anything that she hates, like golf, gambling, drinking at bars, pr0n subscriptions... but not for things that she likes (cable TV, shoes, movies).

Gifts... if your wife gets you a gift for anniversary, birthday, Christmas, etc., tell her that from now on you would prefer a very inexpensive thoughful gift (a paperback book for example) and some cash for your hobby. You spend the same amount, but you can dole it out when the opportunity presents itself. Be sure to make a big deal out of it when you do spend the money so that she sees the enjoyment it brings you.

Closet cleanout... sell some useless stuff and put the money toward your hobby. I strongly caution you however, that HER SHOES ARE NOT USELESS STUFF! Stay away from that fatal error.

A little honest and open discussion can go a long way toward easing the tension around spending money on a frivilous hobby when the overall budget is tight. Your wife wants you to be happy, so you can count on some compromise. The key is to be flexible and creative while staying consistent. In other words, when you agree to stop playing golf to fund the hobby, don't set up a tee time two weeks after buying those new headphones.

 

[beerguy0]

Quote:

Originally Posted by limpidglitch /img/forum/go_quote.gif wife knows better.

Corollary: If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

My wife and I both work, and we don't have kids. Neither of us has six-figure jobs, but we do OK. I have a set amount each paycheck that gets deposited into my personal savings account for discretionary purchases, which seems to work pretty well. Maybe you can work something like this out.

 

[mark2410]

well i think you earn it, its your money you should be able to do with it as you see fit. obviously you can only do that within reason but dont feel like you have to ask permission, its as much if not significantly more so your money than it is hers. if you are not allowed to have an allowance to do what you want with then i certainly hope she receives no luxuries every week such a make up, lotions and potions etc

 

[Uncle Erik]

It's not a pride thing, your wife is doing what's best for all of you. If you want discretionary funds, get creative.

First, sell anything you don't use any longer. Even if it has some sentimental value, you'll get over it if you don't use it. Put the money towards something you will use and you'll be happier.

Second, think about working a second job here and there. Make friends with and register at a local temp agency. If you can type, you can pick up short one night and weekend projects here and there. A lot of regular temps only want full time temping, so if you're the go-to guy for an evening of overflow, you'll get plenty of work.

And how about getting yourself a soldering iron? Rolling your own is hugely rewarding and saves thousands. Not only that, but there's plenty of work to be had building custom gear. If you learn to build, you can make enough money with your skills to buy and/or build pretty much anything you want.

 

[acidbasement]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark2410 /img/forum/go_quote.gif well i think you earn it, its your money you should be able to do with it as you see fit. obviously you can only do that within reason but dont feel like you have to ask permission, its as much if not significantly more so your money than it is hers.

Uh, you haven't been around too many pregnant mothers who are already PO'd about having to take time away from their careers to raise kids, have you?

 

[acidbasement]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Erik /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's not a pride thing, your wife is doing what's best for all of you. If you want discretionary funds, get creative. First, sell anything you don't use any longer. Even if it has some sentimental value, you'll get over it if you don't use it. Put the money towards something you will use and you'll be happier. Second, think about working a second job here and there. Make friends with and register at a local temp agency. If you can type, you can pick up short one night and weekend projects here and there. A lot of regular temps only want full time temping, so if you're the go-to guy for an evening of overflow, you'll get plenty of work. And how about getting yourself a soldering iron? Rolling your own is hugely rewarding and saves thousands. Not only that, but there's plenty of work to be had building custom gear. If you learn to build, you can make enough money with your skills to buy and/or build pretty much anything you want.

Good ideas all, Uncle. Until I finish up my thesis, I will have to largely restrict myself to selling stuff though, as time is too short as it is.