[pne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tamahome77 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Concentrate on finishing school with high grade and get a professoinal job.

what the hell does finishing school with high grades and getting a professional job have to do with this?

Do people even think before saying this or is it just some sort of repeated mantra?

 

[braillediver]

I'd rather have no friends than friends like that.

Stay above the fray and ignore the butthead. That will annoy them more than anything.


Mitch

 

[iGig]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pne /img/forum/go_quote.gif what the hell does finishing school with high grades and getting a professional job have to do with this? Do people even think before saying this or is it just some sort of repeated mantra?

Since you only quoted part of what he said, it could be taken out of context. He said "just walk away and brush it off".
What does finishing school have to do with it? because once you're older and out of school you realize that all those social problems we had in school are completely insignificant after all. We see things from a different perspective and we realize that getting good grades to ultimately get a good job is more important than childish gossip and bad friends.
I didn't think his advice was bad, IMO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tamahome77 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Dude, just walk away and brush it off. Concentrate on finishing school with high grade and get a professoinal job. If your so-called friends believe him, then it's obviously they're not good/true friends. As they say it "1 true friend is better than 10,000 friends".

 

[Thelonious Monk]

you can still finish school if you confront someone who is being a dick to you i think. unless you break his neck and kill him, then you're ****ed. i highly doubt that this guy would act all tough like he is and then press charges against a guy for confronting him and then handing out an ass whooping. unless he's really crafty. if i were an ******* like that guy and i got beat up, i would just play dumb and get sympathy from the girl, and make her hate the guy who kicked my ass even more. i doubt he's that smart.

edit: of course if the person in question is 2 feet taller than him and is the wrestling champion forget about fighting...

 

[mts281]

I agree with the smack. When I was in high school a guy had been bad mouthing the girl I was dating, so I took care of it. Well, another guy I knew decided he was gonna be the protector of the kid. I put up with his mouth for a couple days until he went to far and started telling people he had punked me on the school bus, hit me without me doing anything about it. I smacked him pretty hard in the face. I never heard another peep from him and it was him that was getting picked on. Sometimes you just have to show people that they will show you some amount of respect.

 

[pne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iGig /img/forum/go_quote.gif Since you only quoted part of what he said, it could be taken out of context. He said "just walk away and brush it off". What does finishing school have to do with it? because once you're older and out of school you realize that all those social problems we had in school are completely insignificant after all. We see things from a different perspective and we realize that getting good grades to ultimately get a good job is more important than childish gossip and bad friends. I didn't think his advice was bad, IMO.

it bugs me because it makes it is non costructive advice. It's like your child coming home and telling you he/she is getting bullied every day at school, and you telling him with a cheerful tone that all he has to do is work hard in school and focus on his studies.

No it is not an insignificant problem and no, not everything can be fixed by being an A+ student. The problems you deal with as a child and as a teenager shape who you grow up to be later in life. If you always just sit back and take the abuse, what makes you think things are going to change 10 years from now after you have a job? If you don't develop certain assertive skills in life you will always get treated the same way, even if you do graduate with good grades and get a "professional job".

Just the notion of someone saying this makes me incredibly annoyed. His grades and his education have nothing to do with you so why do you choose to make a comment about that? He didn't ask for advice regarding his career or his education. For all you know his grades could be the top of his class, or he could be planning on dropping out of school to join the military. Either way its none of your business and those types of comments should be saved for your own kids.

I know I'm not alone when I say that we teenagers feel insulted when someone says this to us. Believe it or not we do realize the benefits of education and why we are going to school. We're not 5 years old and need to be reminded to look both ways each time we cross the street.

 

[tamahome77]

Who are you to say that my advices are non-constructive? My suggestions are BASED on my personal experiences with my environment. Everyone has their own opinion about any situation that arises and people see things differently. You may see things differently based on your own childhood or your environment BUT that doesn't mean that the suggestions I made is non-constructive. I do not feel insulted if someone says that to me. Maybe you're just too sensitive of a person. And what's with this "we". You mean you represent how all teenagers feel? I was a teenager too and I was bullied. I stand up for myself as well but I also saw the consequences by kicking the crap out of my opponent. It really depends on how you see the situation. The suggestions I've made, works for me. But of course, it doesn't necessary work for everyone just like anything else. Maybe based on my experiences, I see things differently from you but don't be so quick to judge me like that. Again this is just MY OPINION, he doesn't have to take it if he doesn't want to.

For me, I get extremely annoyed when some person gets all worked up and explodes on the forum like that. Would you explode like that if someone expresses their opinions and suggestions in person?

 

[pne]

I am a teenager that has experienced what the OP has and been in a similar situation. your comment get good grades and get a good job are actually really nonconstructive! what does it have to do with getting bullied? Of the many useful things to suggest like seeing the school counsellor, having a group meeting with your friends, or confronting him directly, getting good grades accomplishes what to solve his problem?

It would be like if a woman told you she was being domestically abused and needed help and advice, and you gave her advice on a retirement plan! And yes, in real life I would get very angry at a person if I asked them for advice on an issue i was having and they gave me the one line mantra you suggested.

You're suggesting that he ignore that someone is picking on him and making going to school difficult, so that in a few years hopefully he can look back with some sort of smug satisfaction of having a good job? Who taught you to think this way? IMO actions like this are what causes victims of bullies to snap and go on a violent rampage. Think about what you are saying here, what if the situation was the OP was a victim of racism at the workplace? Should he just keep his head down and take one for his career?

And yes, I am aware that it is YOUR opinion, and I disagree with it therefore I am asking you to justify it. Do you think that just because you say IMO then no one has the right to counter? As for my comment on "we teenagers", yes I believe I am representing a majority of people. Why don't you ask a handful of teenagers in school whether they like to be reminded to do well and get a professional job, by people other than their parents?

 

[jp11801]

while I am a crazy guy I am typically non-violent. In this case I say he has it coming. The only problem is beating the living snot out of him plays into his hand then his face is proof you are an D**K. So maybe confronting him with the so called friends present (I think you need a serious friend upgrade) then if he sets you off and your not so friends do not back you up then What crack him upside the head if you think you've got a better than 50/50 shot of victory.

 

[tamahome77]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pne /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am a teenager that has experienced what the OP has and been in a similar situation. your comment get good grades and get a good job are actually really nonconstructive! what does it have to do with getting bullied? Of the many useful things to suggest like seeing the school counsellor, having a group meeting with your friends, or confronting him directly, getting good grades accomplishes what to solve his problem? It would be like if a woman told you she was being domestically abused and needed help and advice, and you gave her advice on a retirement plan! And yes, in real life I would get very angry at a person if I asked them for advice on an issue i was having and they gave me the one line mantra you suggested. You're suggesting that he ignore that someone is picking on him and making going to school difficult, so that in a few years hopefully he can look back with some sort of smug satisfaction of having a good job? Who taught you to think this way? IMO actions like this are what causes victims of bullies to snap and go on a violent rampage. Think about what you are saying here, what if the situation was the OP was a victim of racism at the workplace? Should he just keep his head down and take one for his career? And yes, I am aware that it is YOUR opinion, and I disagree with it therefore I am asking you to justify it. Do you think that just because you say IMO then no one has the right to counter? As for my comment on "we teenagers", yes I believe I am representing a majority of people. Why don't you ask a handful of teenagers in school whether they like to be reminded to do well and get a professional job, by people other than their parents?

First, from the OP's post, it doesn't seem like the situation is as extreme as being considered domestically abused. The other guy is spreading rumours about him. I didn't say that what i suggested will help with a woman experiencing domestic violence. Of course there are other suggestions to suggest like talking to a counsellor or having group meetings with his friends, I'm not denying that those are good suggestions just because I didn't put those in my suggestions. But based on my experiences, just walk away, ignore them and brush it off. Continue with whatever he's doing in school and focus. Hey those might not work for you, doesn't mean it doesn't work for others. If indeed, it doesn't work, he can try other options to solve his problem. I'm not even asking him to keep trying to ignore if it doesn't work, am I? It's only a suggestion, not a firm decision that he should take.

And how do you know it's actions like these that will cause victims to go on to go on rampage? and how big of a contribution is this action contributing? There are probably many many factors that contribute to violent behaviors in a person. It's something that I rather not further discuss.

I'm not saying that you have no right to counter but the tone of your sentences seems like you are ATTACKING/YELLING me with anger. Remember, there are options and not just one option to solve the problem. Different suggestions will solve the problem better than others. How effective each solution depends on the person, their environment, and the person they are dealing with. I'm just offering one of many options to deal with it. It's not something carved in stone.

The beauty of free speech is to allow people to discuss what they believe based on their experiences. Sure, you may disagree with me how ever you want but I find that the tone of your replies are a bit offensive in a way.

 

[infinitesymphony]

This is a good reason not to date people from your own high school (and why I never did). It's a lot like dating in the workplace. It causes people to look at you differently, and if the relationship goes sour, you still have to deal with the other person and their alliances with your co-workers every day.

Good luck, OP. High school politics are like real politics: the people with the highest moral ground don't necessarily prosper.

 

[Lisa]

Haven't read the whole thread but what Jahn said was by far the best advise given. Do just that. That's solving the matter with class and you probably will end up being friends again.

 

[Thelonious Monk]

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinitesymphony /img/forum/go_quote.gif This is a good reason not to date people from your own high school (and why I never did). It's a lot like dating in the workplace. It causes people to look at you differently, and if the relationship goes sour, you still have to deal with the other person and their alliances with your co-workers every day. Good luck, OP. High school politics are like real politics: the people with the highest moral ground don't necessarily prosper.

yeah, so far i have only dated friends of friends. a lot less awkward when you break up, since you don't have to see them daily.

 

[carlosgp]

Avoid the counsel of all the violent americans here. Thay are a little crazy

. You know where you will end.
But if you can not ignore this person, confront him. Talk to him in private being sure of yourself. He probably will stop his behaviour.

 

[plainsong]

One of the ones who votes to knock his butt out is a Finn, in no way American. But me, the American in the family, thinks the main problem is between the OP and his friend. How she is being so easily manipulated, how a supposed friend's feelings don't matter, her unwillingness to work it out, what does that mean for the friendship if there ever was one...

And that leads into the second part of the problem, which is the ****** trying to make up for his other shortcomings. I think to confront him in a cool, calm, collected and authoritarian manner and to make him look you in the eye will make him back down quickly. Gossipers are usually such cowards. If he'd wanted a fight he would have sought one out already. No, this is about jealousy and the bonus attention he gets telling the stores.

I actually agree with PNE, saying to ignore the problem and just get those good grades is really no advice at all. That attitude of ignoring the problem of bullying is actually how bullying thrives. No, call it what it is, and face it publically. It doesn't have to come to a fight. There's such a thing as inner strength and that's what needs to be shown here.

The peer group, the circle of friends though, they're just crap. Who plays that game anymore in college, honestly? Being alone is better than hanging out with these drama hounds. The only reason I think the bully needs to be confronted is for self-worth. It bothers the OP, it's fine to say it shouldn't, but it does. Ok fine, don't let him get away with it. Make him look you in the eye and tell you why. He won't like that. Do what you need to to avoid a fight, but not from fear - if you understand what I mean.