[silverrain]

As you gain more experience in life, you will eventually learn not to completely trust ANYONE....
Some just learn sooner than others.
Fact.

 

[kramer5150]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rx7_fan /img/forum/go_quote.gif you guys are amazing, i wrote things about unreleased earphones/amps and i would probably get 2-3 pages worth of comments in a few days. But I wrote something about my love life and I get 4 pages within 24 hours. I usually don't like to talk about things like this, except I feel like I'm pushed back against the wall. To update you guys, I confronted her about the situation and she broke down into tears. Like I've never seen someone cry that much ever, I asked her to go into detail about her crush, and she said he was feeling neglected since I wasn't around as much anymore and she had dinner with him one day after work because they were both hungry, they also went to the beach together. She said she never wanted him to be her bf, and she had a 'crush' on him mainly because they both like the same thing, and she thought it was neat. If she's lying about this, it's damn good, because it makes sense. And if she wanted to break up with me, it would be the perfect time, but she said she really want us to be together. Damn guys, this got way more complicated. P.S. Thanks so much for all your help, next meet in CA, I'll buy everyone a round. Shot out to Ed and a few of you who met me before, even though we don't talk often; it means a lot to me that you have got back.

Sorry, if my prior post is a bit harsh and cold. Sometimes I can be very blunt, to the point of being callous. Sorry, thats how I am... so I will pre-warn you that this my be hard to read, but its MY PERSONAL opinion, based on my prior experiences.

In my younger days (1990s) I went through 3 serious relationships, 1-4 years in duration. I'm being TOTALLY honest with you, ALL 3 followed a similar path as you are describing. GF finds some other guy who is "just a friend", they go out for lunch, dinner, and spend an afternoon together...etc... No biggie right?

I question them on it... "Oh he's just a friend". I let them know my discomfort with this new found friendship and they cry, the BAWL like theres no tomorrow. So, I feel really bad at this point. I apologize for making them cry and just go along as if nothing happened. A month or 2 go by and well... I get blown off on our big anniversary date or something else thats supposed to be special for us.

Being as polite as I can, I question them on that, they cry and sob again. I let them know my discomfort with their friendship and being stood up. Only, this time... I pretty much have had it. Of course they cry some more, but at this point, I've got to get out of this thing... for my own sanity. I can't take this emotional roller-coaster. Life is too short for me to be loosing sleep and stressing out.

Next stop dumps-ville, end of line.

Don't let the tears fool you, it may be genuine at that moment, but young women cry like men fart, sweat and belch... its practically an instinctive reaction. Its a spur of the moment reaction to something. Even my wife, Love hear dearly... will just start bawling from things she sees in movies. My daughter, just look at her the wrong way and she's in tears.

In my past relationships, they were ALL "just fiends" in the beginning, and none of them were anything I had to worry about.

I guess I dated pretty conservative women, none of them actually slept with these guys... So in that regard I never was actually cheated on. But still, I almost felt like I had been cheated on.

So anyways, you can see, why I have such opinions. I was down for the count on 3 out of 4 long-term relationships. I married the 4th one

, fortunately our views on dedication and marriage commitment are identical so we see eye to eye on that.

 

[soozieq]

I'm skimmed through this thread, so may have missed an important point. The e-mail account you were accessing - was it a joint e-mail account, or was it her private e-mail?

 

[saboteur1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer5150 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sorry, if my prior post is a bit harsh and cold. Don't let the tears fool you, it may be genuine at that moment, but young women cry like men fart, sweat and belch...

One solution is demand that she take you AND her "friend" out to lunch/dinner.

If he's "just a friend" then I'm sure she won't mind you meeting him.

 

[Superpredator]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dilhole /img/forum/go_quote.gif If something did happen between them, believe me....She won't EVEN mention this boy to you. Telling you of this crush/dinner IN THE FIRST PLACE means: a. she's too honest for her own good AND b. she's somewhat guilty about it (MEANING what she'll tell = truth to lessen guilt/decrease tensions ) If something did happen between them, she wouldn't have the heart to even mention the crush. And really, who in the world would?

Disagree completely. The best lie is one that contains some truth, and most people figure this out early in life. Women excel at managing secrets. It's like a hobby for them. They know all the tricks.

 

[JadeEast]

It's your fault you neglected her.
You practically made her do it.
She's just a poor helpless thing.
They liked the same stuff.
What could she do?

 

[AC1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadeEast /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's your fault you neglected her. You practically made her do it. She's just a poor helpless thing. They liked the same stuff. What could she do?

Actually her telling you this probably makes the decision easier not more complicated. She is already trying to remove herself from all the blame, rather than trying to solve it with you she acted on it.

Like most of the advice here says, it looks like a classic situation and with the experience behind some of the advice given it will probably end up the same way sorry to say.

Here is another way to look at it. I haven't seen any posts on where this kind of stuff has happened and it has worked out rosey. Not that it is impossible but experience seems to show it would be very difficult.

 

[silverrain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer5150 /img/forum/go_quote.gif I guess I dated pretty conservative women, none of them actually slept with these guys... So in that regard I never was actually cheated on. .

Uhmm...I hate to be the one to break this to you, but....

 

[rsaavedra]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rx7_fan /img/forum/go_quote.gif i wrote things about unreleased earphones/amps and i would probably get 2-3 pages worth of comments in a few days. But I wrote something about my love life and I get 4 pages within 24 hours.

Related to why rose novel writers can actually make a living

Quote:

Originally Posted by dilhole Telling you of this crush/dinner IN THE FIRST PLACE means: a. she's too honest for her own good AND b. she's somewhat guilty about it (MEANING what she'll tell = truth to lessen guilt/decrease tensions ) If something did happen between them, she wouldn't have the heart to even mention the crush. And really, who in the world would?

What do you know? The girl in question is a headfier and just wrote to defend herself

Like Superpredator, I couldn't disagree more with such assessment of the situation. Unless you are joking (given your final rolleyed emoticon you might be), that would be absolutely naive of you. In any case, there is absolutely no reason to give her such a benefit of the doubt.

 

[Superpredator]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadeEast /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's your fault you neglected her. You practically made her do it. She's just a poor helpless thing. They liked the same stuff. What could she do?

 

[rsaavedra]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dilhole /img/forum/go_quote.gif We don't know anything about this woman and I don't think it's right for your actions to be radically influenced by people who know nothing about this said person in the first place.

hmm... Salomon the wise made very wise choices about women he knew nothing about (e.g. the fraudulent mother vs. the real mother story). Precisely, the wisdom in his choices were in the fact that his decision making took into account not knowing them.

 

[silverrain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dilhole /img/forum/go_quote.gif REACH OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE .

Even offer to baby-sit for their kid later on!
Now, that's true love....

Jeez.

 

[robm321]

Unfortunately, RX7 you have to learn the hard way. I predicted you would cave despite almost 100% consensus here even from a female point of view. She did the classic "I am this helpless dove that needs you night in shining armor" tactic. Don't leave me because I haven't figured out if this guy will take is really what she is crying about. Her tears are nothing more than a sub conscience appeal to control the situation to her favor. But you couldn't have told me to dump her when I was young either. Love is real, but this isn't it.

Having seen this situation over and over, general patterns that are universal will emerge, and she will eventually need more no matter what you can give. You are a temporary resting place until she finds true love. Find someone that can appreciate you and is happy in her own skin and well adjusted. This temporary reprieve will end.

Signed,
Reality

btw, I am happy and in a relationship with no bitterness from any past relationships, so this isn't me being negative about it.

 

[ericj]

Sometimes people see more than one thing that they want, and even though they conflict, they still want to have everything their way without any consequences.

Sometimes, they'll come right out and ask for it.

Doesn't mean they should get it.

 

[strid3r]

Quote:

Originally Posted by saboteur1 /img/forum/go_quote.gif One solution is demand that she take you AND her "friend" out to lunch/dinner. If he's "just a friend" then I'm sure she won't mind you meeting him.

Too bad her "friend" isn't a female.