[Pharmaboy]

A man goes to the oncologist for his test results. The doctor says, "I have some awful news. But I also have some great news. Which would you like first?"

The man gulps and replies, "Give me the bad news, doc."

The doctor says, "Alright. You have a rare, inoperable cancer that no one ever survives. The pain will be awful, beyond the reach of our best painkillers. You have no more than 30 days to live, so get your affairs in order."

At this the man bursts out sobbing. Finally he remembers something. "Didn't you say you had some great news for me?"

Smiling widely, the doctor reples, "I sure do. Did you see the beautiful red-headed receptionist on your way in?" (the man nods). "Well, I'm f*&@*##g her."

 

[Ryokan]

911: what's your emergency?
Man: My wife's going into labor, what should I do?
911: Is this her first child?
Man: No! This is her husband.

Couple on a first date,
Man: Do you have any children.
Woman: Yes, I have one that's just under two.
Man. I know how many one is!

 

[BobG55]

Why does the dog float on water ?

’Cause, he’s a good buoy.

 

[Ryokan]

What do ghosts eat?

Ghoulash

 

[Ryokan]

 

[Pharmaboy]

Apply Armor-All (a lot), drink a quart of bourbon, fire up that bad boy and crash into a tree.

("flux capacitor" it isn't)

 

[Ryokan]

Apply Armor-All (a lot), drink a quart of bourbon, fire up that bad boy and crash into a tree.

("flux capacitor" is isn't)

Sometimes I think you're weird Pharmaboy. Which around here is a kinda compliment

 

[Pharmaboy]

Sometimes I think you're weird Pharmaboy. Which around here is a kinda compliment

That's a high compliment!!

(or it's a compliment; and I'm high).

 

[Ryokan]

and I'm high

It's those boots

 

[BobG55]

A farmer had a horse he named Mayo. He couldn’t quite understand why people found that name so funny. It was because, sometimes, Mayo neighs.

 

[Pharmaboy]

A farmer had a horse he named Mayo. He couldn’t quite understand why people found that name so funny. It was because, sometimes, Mayo neighs.

I knew that was coming but couldn't get out of the way fast enough.

 

[thecrow]

I knew that was coming but couldn't get out of the way fast enough.

Like a drum solo or a premature ejaculation: you can hear it coming but there’s nothing you can do to stop it

 

[Pharmaboy]

(Pharmaboy, stunned by the idea of equivalence of premature ejaculations & drums solos, falls over unconscious)

I never thought I'd say this, but ... there are limits to irony.

 

[BobG55]

Like a drum solo or a premature ejaculation: you can hear it coming but there’s nothing you can do to stop it

(Pharmaboy, stunned by the idea of equivalence of premature ejaculations & drums solos, falls over unconscious)

I never thought I'd say this, but ... there are limits to irony.

 

[DenverW]

My son was trying to make me laugh by telling me Star Wars jokes. He succeeded not by telling GOOD jokes, but by telling me two of the dumbest Star Wars jokes I've ever heard. Which of course made me laugh.

What do you call a Southern Bounty Hunter?

Bubba Fett.

What Star Wars Character sells hot dogs?

Admiral Snackbar.