[kelly]

Best ways to lose weight:

#1. Cut off your head. The human head typically weighs about 10 lbs.

#2. Become a heroine or crystal meth addict. This method is a proven success.

#3. Poverty. People who can't afford to eat are rarely ever fat. Those bloated tummies you see in Ehiopians - not fat.

#4. Death of a family member (preferrably mom). Depression often causes weight loss. Couple this with losing mom's home cooking and bam, instant thinness.

#5. Divorce/breakup. Similar to above but also effects the amount of eating at restaurants and movie theater junk.

#6. Get a job. It's amazing how many calories you can burn just by having a job. If you already have a job, get another one. UPS is a good one for weight loss.

#7. Become hospitalized. Almost everyone loses weight while in the hospital and if you've ever had the hospital food, you know why. They should sell that **** at Weight Watchers. Oh wait, I think they do.

#8. Get food poisoning regularly. This is kind of a binge and purge approach to weight loss. You keep very few calories so long as you vommit and have diahreah often.

#9. Eat things that can't be digested. Rubber, plastic, bicycle parts. Those dudes in those traveling circuses that eat metal parts and stuff are never fat.

#10. Stop drinking water. The worst advice you ever see for losing weight is to drink more water. Your body is almost all water! The less liquid you have, the less you weigh. Dehydration is an excellent form of weight loss.

Good luck!

 

[kentamcolin]

#5 is almost a sure bet. While I would almost NEVER recommend divorce, a break-up will have you looking for someone new, and you'll be in top shape in no time.

Having body parts removed will effect your ability to find somebody new.

Selling your hi-fi gear could be a good method also. The reason is two-fold. You wont be spending hours on end sitting down listening to music, and depression will soon set in and you'll lose your desire to eat.

I'd still try cycling. It's kinda like headphones in that the more you spend on gear the more fun you'll have using it.

 

[Audio Redneck]

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly Best ways to lose weight: #3. Poverty. People who can't afford to eat are rarely ever fat. Those bloated tummies you see in Ehiopians - not fat.

Note: This does not work in the US. Poor people in the US are fat. Remember the fat street kids suing McDonald's? Cheap food in the US is fattening. Only the rich can afford to be skinny.

(removing tounge from cheek....I actually believe most of this theory. NPR was talking about how malnurishment in the US can and usually does include being overweight.)

 

[ProFingerSk8er]

play Dance Dance Revolution for 3 weeks

 

[kelly]

Quote:

Originally posted by Audio Redneck Note: This does not work in the US. Poor people in the US are fat. Remember the fat street kids suing McDonald's? Cheap food in the US is fattening. Only the rich can afford to be skinny. (removing tounge from cheek....I actually believe most of this theory. NPR was talking about how malnurishment in the US can and usually does include being overweight.)

If you can afford McDonalds, you're not poor enough.

 

[MERTON]

eat allllll of your fat in the morning.

 

[andrzejpw]

Quote:

Originally posted by ProFingerSk8er play Dance Dance Revolution for 3 weeks

Oh, I do. Or, used to. My pad broke :-/

 

[fyrfytrhoges]

get involved with my ex girlfriend, she'll **** your head up so bad you won't feel like eating for weeks, like the feeling I've had for the past month or so, I've lost 10 pounds, and I don't need to lose weight, I weigh 148 soaking wet at my best, now I look like an aids patient!

 

[CRESCENDOPOWER]

Everything else that was stated in the previous posts, and I also stress very light resistance training (more than 15 repetitions) 3 times a week to keep your body burning all the time.

 

[scrypt]

Melt down your silverware and pour the result into your landlord's suggestion box. Glue your dishes together and fill your refrigerator with antlers.

 

[mbriant]

Kelly's already covered most of the easiest methods but I'm surprised nobody's mentioned liposuction. You can actually lose weight while laying down. Bulimia is another tried and true method

 

[blip]

Quote:

Originally posted by mbriant Kelly's already covered most of the easiest methods but I'm surprised nobody's mentioned liposuction. You can actually lose weight while laying down. Bulimia is another tried and true method

lol... You could always get that stomach surgery done...

 

[bangraman]

There's a very easy way to lose weight: Don't drink beer.


But this is one I haven't mastered yet.

 

[andrzejpw]

Quote:

Originally posted by mbriant Kelly's already covered most of the easiest methods but I'm surprised nobody's mentioned liposuction. You can actually lose weight while laying down. Bulimia is another tried and true method

please, bulimia is for half-hearts. Anorexia is where its at.

 

[terrymx]

drink china diet green tea, but you have to consult with doctors first