[slindeman]

Sometimes you've gotta hurt those you love most. With that in mind here are some brief summaries of bands I love, most from the 80's. Feel free to join the love fest yourself. Please take no offense at my remarks, I know I won't.

U2 early - Our anger inspires us to look for something better
U2 middle - We still haven't found what we're looking for
U2 late - Why look anyway?

Depeche Mode early - I just can't get enough of the meaning of love because, honey, boys say go!
Depeche Mode middle - People hate each other, God hates us all, Princess Di is wearing a new dress
Depeche Mode late - I'm your sexual savior, come worship me

Audience - When will you stop whining, Morrissey?
The Smiths - How soon is now?
Audience - Apparently, not soon enough.

A-ha - Nobody took us on.

Joy Division - Shout the good news from the hilltops: Love is a torture chamber, life is a rotten corpse, society is the pit of hell.

New Order early - I wish I was Joy Division
New Order middle - Our hatred for each other and our fans makes us want to dance
New Order late - We sold out for big bucks but we still hate each other

The Cure early - I wish I was Joy Division
The Cure middle - I wish I was New Order
The Cure late - We found our own voice! To make up for lost time our albums will have 20 songs on them.

Smashing Pumpkins early - Smashing the vocal barrier, or "How to succeed in the music business with a horrible voice."
Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie EP - Smashing the skip button, or "Blast it, just give 'em all 1000 songs and let 'em choose the 4 good ones."
Smashing Pumpkins late - Smashing the originality, or "I wish I was New Order."

Oingo Boingo early - I'm a young man that likes guns, little girls, reptiles, and parties with dead men
Oingo Boingo late - I'm an old man with a real job

Midnight Oil early - Australia is a political mess
Midnight Oil late - Our music is a mess

Thompson Twins early - If you were here you could hold me now Doctor Doctor.
Thompson Twins late - You're not here. Nobody is here. Where is everybody?

Tears for Fears early - This mad world where everbody wants to rule makes me SHOUT.
Tears for Fears late - All that shouting made me lose my voice

O.M.D. - We were so in love with Joan of Arc but she left us and didn't look back, so we're running the other way.

Pet Shop Boys early - Look at what we're wearing
Pet Shop Boys middle - Disco is fun
Pet Shop Boys late - Yes, we're gay

Simple Minds - Argh. Our only hit reminds people of Molly Ringwald.

Alphaville early - Forever silly.
Alphaville late - Forever unavailable in the U.S.

Camoflauge - I thought our name was Depeche Mode

R.E.M. early - Zero radioplay
R.E.M. middle - 100% radioplay
R.E.M. late - Zero radioplay

Kraftwerk - Technology is a desolate wasteland filled with droning metallic beats, not unlike our lyrical abilities.

Information Society - Take Kraftwerk, remove innovation, decrease lyrical ability

Massive Attack - Who has time to release day-glo orange CDs when you've got your precious Sony Budokan to worship.

Portishead - Let's mix our followup album with the darkest studio monitors in the universe.

Ultravox - We came to dance, but unfortunately we're not Kevin Bacon and our feet aren't loose at all.

The English Beat early - Save it for later
The English Beat late - There was no later

 

[coolvij]

Early Incubus Stoned teenys who like Mr. Bungle go at it, funky-style!
Mid-Period Incubus We wanna be mainstream.......BUT JUST CAN'T.
Latest Incubus We wan't to be super-original......BUT JUST CAN'T.


Any Period Moby Bahahaha.


Early Tool Look, Look we're irreverently EVIL!
Mid-period Tool Learning to swim and sure as heck not selling out.
Late Period Tool Epic, Dark, Moving, Unsual, Non-Mainstream, totally Tool........and.......on the radio.

Early John Coltrane I don't have vibrato, my tone is only decent, and that Stan Getz fellow.......wowee.
Mid Period John Coltrane - till 65'

Late Period Coltrane Lookie Lookie many notes mommy!


(BTW, I luv everything Trane did........this is for humour, right?)


Early Rage Against The Machine Man, we're PISSED OFF AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS.
Late Rage Against The Machine MAN WE'RE PISSED OFF.....except no one seems to care anymore.....

Early Radiohead Hey look, Kurt Cobain - we're like u and those Nirvana guys, except our singer sounds like a girl!
Mid-Period Radiohead Saving rock and roll!
Late Period Radiohead Vomiting rock and roll!

 

[Braver]

early Rage Against The Machine: WAKE UP! the western world ain't heaven either!
late Rage Against The Machine: funky rythms, we got the hang of this allright! don't matter if anyone actually listen to what we say, but we mean it!

Fish-era Marillion: sex drugs and rock-n-roll problems, Fish? having a hard time or what?
H-era Marillion: sensitive boy, rather be dreaming away. love hasn't become easier either. let's see if we get some radioplay too!

early Arena: Yes is cool, Pendragon rules, Marillion is up there, less see if we can do somethign like that too!
later Arena: this is what we're comfy with, more Pink Floyd in the mix!

early Dream Theater: wow, we can play those instruments or what! we rule! we rule! yeah

later Dream Theater: we rule! we're the best, and we're even better. so let's do some Radiohead, some Tool music, a bit of Led Zep, and make it longer with more notes per second!

 

[skippy]

slindeman, your comments really made me laugh!

 

[Dusty Chalk]

Bauhaus - early - Bela Lugosi's Not Dead
Bauhaus - late - Peter Murphy's Dead
Bauhaus - most recent - We're not Dead Yet

 

[coolvij]

Dusty: LOL! That brought a smile to my face........