Seeking advice on how to write a funeral eulogy for a dear friend
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saint.panda

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One of my best friends has passed away at the age of 20 and other than his family, another friend and I are going to hold a funeral speech for him. My mind is a bit blank at the moment and considering the many adults here, I am asking for your advice on what could be mentioned in such a speech and above all, what should be avoided. To let my heart speak is something people are telling me but the heart is a bit troubled at the moment and it is thinking of too many things that should all fit into a couple minutes of speech.

Are well-placed humerous anecdotes allowerd? Should the speech be highly positive or just realistically positive? Should the audience be adressed as well? What is a good length (for two people combined)? How much personal information can be revealed? I am especially having problems on how to end the speech.

I've read some articles on what should be included in such a speech but the fact that the reason of death was suicide is something that will overshadow the entire ceremony. I want the people to have a lasting impression of this truly wonderful person, I want them to remember him in a positive light, I don't want the people to cry but rather walk towards the grave with a smirk on their face thinking of their individual encounters with him. Not to remember him by his death because that was only one small fragment of his life. Even if that's not possible, a small smirk hidden behind the tears and rigid faces would be enough.

What's also absolutely necessary is too say something consoling for his mother because she has always been a fragile person and having learned of her death's suicide directly through the police was not what she needed. Ever since he moved away at quite a young age (mostly due to a very violent and surpressing father) she always thought that he led a happy life. I'd like her to still believe that if possible.

Due to the occasion, many people feel guilty and what I can say to make them turn this guilt into a sort of assignment for life, to remember and sort of live for him instead? His girlfriend that broke up with him a few weeks before the incident, his flatmate who already wondered why he went missing the night before (with very insufficient reasoning afterwards) and who still called him 3 hours before the incident telling him to buy some cat food, another friend who felt tired of cheering him up endlessly and hence feels responsible because of her lacking tenacity, another friend who hasn't been able to talk to him more often due to the geographical distance but should have noticed from the last telephone call 4 weeks ago that he has been never been more down but simply "forgot" to call him again beacuse he was too "busy" with other things, and other people. I'm looking for this spark that will make the people reflect more about his life rather than his death, and remember him by that.

I'm very sorry for having made this so long and thank you for any kind of help on this matter.
 
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jpr703

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That's a tough situation and I'm sorry for your loss. I once lost a friend who was way too young to go and although I didn't write an eulogy, I did write his mother a letter. I just told her about the things that her son had taught me throughout our friendship and let her know what I thought he meant to the people around him. I gave examples for everything I wrote about and just told her that though he would be missed, his actions left behind something in everyone he knew. His mom called later to thank me and said that the letter had helped with her very tough grieving process. I guess what I'm saying is that it might help to concentrate more on what your friend's accomplishments were and in the ways that he helped others. It's tough to let someone go, but remembering what they left behind can help.
 
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I had an uncle die very young last summer and one of his lifelong friends gave a eulogy. He went around asking people what they had to say about my uncle and then wove them together in his eulogy. It was heartbreaking, uplifting and funny all at the same time. He's a reporter so he had a bit of an advantage, I guess.

The eulogy should be very personal. If you could imagine someone delivering the same eulogy for someone else, you need to get deeper and more personal. It should encapsulate both the person and the influence he had on those around him. It needs to come off as very sincere and from the heart. Don't be afraid to do what my uncle's friend did and ask people for a few words on how he touched them.
 
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wallijonn

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Suicide is a mother. Normal death is not too much better.

My ex-fiance committed suicide and I have never been the same since.

I had a friend who committed suicide because of depression. He called out and I was too busy. He was a great guy.

The older you get the more you'll see death.

On a piece of paper put down all your great memories. Speak of them. How he made you feel, etc. Address the audience concerning the failure of refusing to hear one's cries for help and admonish tem to do better, to care for each other, to value life. Then close by saying what you think your friend would say to them if he could, perhaps an apology and a request not to become depressed, to always think of the good time, to think loving thoughts when one gets depressed, etc.

Then take a calendar and choose one day a month to send his mom flowers, to visit her, to call her. Make sure that you start a network so that others are doing the same.

help on writing eulogies:
http://www.google.com/search?q=eulog...en-US:xf_eek:fficial
 
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