[Luvya]

A little background for this CL. Basically, this cover letter is written to target specifically at Sony Picture. I actually had set up an interview appointment with them before but they canceled for some really stupid reason (no fault on my part). Anyway, I emailed the recruiter and stated my interest in working for them remains strong. And diplomatically, she responded that she will keep me in mind and encouraged me to look for other opportunities on their website. So...anyway, just want to show that I do have a little bit of history with the recruiter and the company. Without further ado, here comes the meat

Dear Recruiting Manager,

I first became interested in a career at Sony Picture when I was completing my M&A project, which took an in-depth look at Sony's acquisition of MGM. I was later encouraged by XXXXXX, one of your recruiting manager, to look for career opportunity on SPE website. Now I submit my cover letter with resume for consideration for the XXXXXX position. I am excited about the prospect of working for Sony Picture, and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My problem solving skills are exemplified in the M&A project mentioned above. Our team obtained qualitative explanations for the $4.9 billion price tag paid by Sony. In addition, the analysis on the impact of the “paradigm shift”, from analog to digital, reflected my observation of the entertainment industry. I am very comfortable with complex financial modeling, As such, my qualities are well suited for this position.

I now work as a Project Associate. I am part of team that generated $24M in tax credits for one of our clients. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualification for Enterprise Zone credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires a significant amount of teamwork. Therefore, I am confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for the success in this position.

I look forward to meeting with you and sharing more about my qualifications. Thank you for your consideration.



Sincerely,

XXXXXXX

 

[jefemeister]

I added some formatting, fixed some grammar (missing/extra articles and pluralization), changes a little sentance structure here and there, added an extra space after periods, and inserted some comments. I did not check spelling as I am barely qualified as an editor to begin with

Hope it helps, I just went through this process myself so I feel your pain. Cover Letters suck but they're necessary.


June 8, 2006

Your Name
Your Address
Your Phone

Sony Pictures Digital Inc
Their Address

Dear <Can you get a real name?>,

I first became interested in a career at Sony Pictures when I was completing my M&A project, which took an in-depth look at Sony's acquisition of MGM. I was later encouraged by XXX, one of your recruiting managers, to look for a career opportunity on your website. I am submitting my resume for the XXX position. I am excited about the prospect of working for Sony Pictures, and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My problem solving skills are exemplified by the M&A project mentioned above. Our team obtained qualitative explanations for the $4.9 billion price tag paid by Sony. In addition, the analysis on the impact of the “paradigm shift” <why quotes?>, from analog to digital <film?>, reflected my observations of the entertainment industry. I am very comfortable with complex financial modeling and my qualities <?> are well suited for this position. <does financial modeling have anything to do with your observations about the paradigm shift? If not, perhaps this belongs in a seperate paragraph?>

I now work as a Project Associate <what industry? How big of a company?>. I am part of a team that generated $24M in tax credits for one of our clients. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualifications for Enterprise Zone credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires a significant amount of teamwork. I am therefore confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for success in this position.

I look forward to meeting with you and discussing my qualifications further. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Your Name

edit: I XXX'd out the Name and Position since you did too.

 

[milhouse6]

Getting better! Forgive any perceived rudeness; just trying to help. My contributions are {these ones}


June 8, 2006

Your Name
Your Address
Your Phone

Sony Pictures Digital Inc
Their Address

Dear <Can you get a real name?>,

I first became interested in a career at Sony Pictures when I was completing my M&A project{your what?}, which took an in-depth look at{examined?} Sony's acquisition of MGM. I was later encouraged by Judy Bellamy, one of your recruiting managers, to look for a career opportunity on your website. I am submitting my resume{résumé or CV} for the Accounts Payable Analyst position{only?}. I am excited about the prospect of working for Sony Pictures, and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My problem solving skills are exemplified by the M&A project mentioned above. Our team {attempted to obtain} obtained qualitative explanations for the $4.9 billion price tag paid by Sony{Sony's 4.9 billion dollar expenditure?}. In addition, the analysis on the impact of the “paradigm shift” <why quotes?>, from analog to digital <film?>,{comma usage questionable} reflected my {personal?} observations of the entertainment industry.{how does this benefit them?} I am very comfortable with complex financial modeling and my qualities <?> are well suited for this position{says you!}. <does financial modeling have anything to do with your observations about the paradigm shift? If not, perhaps this belongs in a seperate paragraph?>

I now work as a Project Associate <what industry? How big of a company?>. I am part of a team that generated $24M in tax credits for one of our clients. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualifications for Enterprise Zone credits{what?} and implementing payroll and tax information{how does one "implement information"?}. The job requires a significant amount of teamwork. I am therefore confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for success in this position{the job requires it so you have it?}.

I look forward to meeting with you and discussing my qualifications further{that sounds thrilling for them - make this more win-win}. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Your Name

{The overall tone is a little self-centered IMO. Try swtiching up about half of the sentences that start with "I" or "My". Watch your logic, and focus on benefits rather than skills! Hope this helps!}

 

[Illah]

That last paragraph is the only really valuable one IMO. No offense, but talking about school makes you sound VERY entry level! Especially how some class studied the Sony deal.

But helping to get $24M in tax credits? That's valuable.

Focus on that, the benefit you can bring them. I would *almost* completely leave out the school type stuff, focus on 'real world' experience.

--Illah

 

[Luvya]

Thanks for all the replies. Some are a little harsh than others, but nevertheless you guys are all welcome.

Btw, I don't think it's pointless to discuss a particular project to showcase my skills. Maybe you haven't gotten a chance to look at my resume but I am just 8 months out of college and don't have much experience to talk about. However, I will take the point and elaborate more on my experiences. Thanks.