[KyPeN]

I was just watching George Carlin and I realize that there are some absolutely spectacular metaphors and similes out there. Post your favorites.

--Dumb as a second coat of paint.
--Sharp as a bowling ball.
--[Activity] is like watching flies [insert word that rhymes with truck]
--Drives like old people [also rhymes with truck]; slow and sloppy
--Personality as deep as a petri dish

 

[Lazarus Short]

Shiny as a diamond in a goat's butt.

Sweet enough to drop a diabetic at fifty yards.

 

[FalconP]

A reviewer described an album by Korn as "more disturbing than blood in your toilet bowl."

 

[GAD]

Foghorn Leghorn:

Boy, you're about as subtle as a hand grenade in a bucket of oatmeal.

GAD

 

[Austin 3:16]

Smooth as 50 grit toilet paper.