I commend you for your good sense. Falling out with your neighbors is rarely a good idea. crap i really am getting old
I faced a similar dilemna. My double woofer, reverse transmission line TDL RTL 3 floorstanders and 120w a side amp are perfect. For the life I lived nearly twenty years ago. When I first bought them. Now I'm afraid to say that on 90% of occasions it's all a bit too much. So I know where you are coming from.
I first solved it almost by accident. I bought a pair of the ubiquitous M-Audio AV40 for use on my desktop. Brilliant. They don't even try to go down below 85hz but in so doing avoid a whole host of problems. To compensate they have a nice little bass boost of what is available and they bump along very nicely thank you. I think they take a little bite out of the potentially troublesome high mids as well. Not strictly clinical but warm and forgiving. Plus I still have the floorstanders for when I want to make a noise or even to use as a makeshift sub.
They didn't last very long though. The AV40s that is. Mmmh. what to do? I'd been so delighted with the concept of desktop monitors that instead of arsing about repairing the AV40 I upgraded to a pair of ADAM A3X. Figured since the ADAMs have a 5 year guarantee but only cost 4x as much as the M-Audio they are effectively 20% cheaper in the long run.
Not all plain sailing at first as it happens. The ADAMs are real momitors. They are designed to draw your attention vividly to likely troublespots in the audio spectrum. If you can make something sound good on them it will sound absolutely bleeding stunning on almost anything else. Once I got my head round the idea that untreated poor recordings where going to sound poor. because they really are poor, i have been very happy.
The tweeter is the same as the one used on $20,000 speakers. Beat that? Also they go down to 60hz vs the AV40 85Hz which makes a difference. The weight isn't really there yet but you get a good guide as to where it would be if it was there. So I am now very rarely tempted to bring in the RTLs at all. The bumpy AV40 now sound like toys in comparison.
In fact the A3X are so good and go so loud (4x 25W amps with an active crossover - state of the art not so long ago) I am seriously considering buying a sub for parties and the like and binning the floorstanders altogether. Save space, better sound, more flexible, other people friendly. What's not to like?
So there you have it mate. You can have all the quality you like for very little money really - except in the lower 2 Octaves! Since in your case you don't want that foundation shaking quaking going on the solution is obvious. Buy some quality speakers that don't go much below 60Hz. Supplement them with a sub for when you want to have it large.
Trying to soundproof a flat is never going to work - not from the point of view of your neighbours, family, cat etc. Trust me. My grandad was a builder.
gb