Heh, okay, I'll bite.
I'll just talk about my most recent Apple "Care" experience and not all of my other pleasant run ins with Apple"Care" over the years that resulted in me being without my Mac for WEEKS at a time.
So I bought the new iPod nano last year shortly after it was released. After 7 weeks of ownership, the sleep/wake button died. Do some googling and you'll see is a pretty widespread issue. I made the long drive to the Apple Store, seeing as how it was supposed to be the fastest way to get it replaced. After the process of swapping it out is nearly complete, the guy informs me that they don't have that model in stock and I'd either have to do it by mail myself or make a second long journey back to the Apple Store if he ordered it for me. I choose to do it myself. So I make the long journey home, spend a good hour on the phone setting up the repair, take a trip to the local UPS store and set up everything there. In all, an entire day lost.
Then the repair process ends up taking longer than it should have because the phone representative entered the serial number wrong.
Apple sends me back a refurbished iPod nano. Even though I purchased new, they give me refurbished. Even though the iPod was just outside store return window, they give me refurbished. I dealt with the second most rude person I've ever dealt with at Apple and she won't do a thing about it.
A few weeks later, the screen starts to separate from the actual device. It's held in place by GLUE. At first the glue started to shift and the screen was no longer level. Then I was actually able to see inside the unit. Deal with Apple again. They tell me this is "in spec" because the unit can still be used, despite the fact that I can see inside it. Back and forth again for several weeks until they decide to do a "one time exception" and replace it with another refurbished unit, despite the fact that I purchased new.
So far this one has been working good. But yeah.
Plus theres all the other fun I've had with Apple products. Like I said before, problems with the awful build quality of the MacBooks resulting in me being without my MacBook for a combined total of months. Plus I had a 3G iPod nano, a generation known for a tilted screen. After several replacements I gave up ever getting one with a straight screen. Apple never did fix the daylight savings time bug with iPod that either.