[bperboy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherwood /img/forum/go_quote.gif Plus, if I didn't get married, I would never have gotten laid.

lol!

 

[Blackmore]

Don't make it harder for you and her as well. If you love each other, just do it, IMO. All this BS about been to young an stuff. Be scared of been to OLD for something like kids and do not have enough time with your love. It is natural when people married when they are young, more natural than some just wait and wait and wait... Finally you wake up and what you have:

1. Your house
2. Your car
3. Your dog /cat
4. Your all material stuff

That's what you will not have:

1. Happiness, because of emptiness and:

a. No kids
b. No kids
c. No kids

Life is to short, so be prepare to fight for every minute of it. You don't feel it, but it will get you so unexpected and hard that all your worries now will be looking like a joke.

Other than that, if you love YOURSELF ONLY, DO NOT DO IT and be happy like you are now.

One thing I would do, before any kids around, go travel and see more of the world if you can. The rest is just material BS, IMO.


Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangel9685 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, me and the girl have been going out for about 5 years. She's outta college and in the real world (as of next week), and i have (hopefully) another year to go. the inevitable was going to happen. the marriage question. "when are we gonna get married? 5 years maybe?" I said yes, and i still say yes. I love this girl, and can honestly say i probably, no will marry her. I just scared outta my mind about it. It's been nagging at me for a while. A very long time. Why? well, I see all these old couples who absolutely HATE each other and being in each other's company. I don't want that to happen to us at all. Also, I don't want the love to just vanish. Like okay we're married, so we don't have to do anything special for each other. We're stuck together, and we might as well just live it out. this prospect seriously scares the **** outta me. Am I crazy? Is this normal?

 

[Zarathustra19]

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to throw the nihilistic/dissenting vote in here. I read the first page of replies and everyone is telling you to wait and see how things go and that divorce is always an option if it doesn't work out and what not. I'm going to have to disagree. You say you love this girl, so marry her, and enjoy every ****ing moment you have with her, because life can end at any time (there's the nihilism coming in) and then where are you? You've missed being joined to someone you love for even a short time. Its normal to be scared of such a big change, yes. You are not too young to get married. You should seize the opportunity and make it work. Don't bail and throwing the divorce card at the first sign of choppy waters, and don't avoid it altogether. Enjoy the small amount of time you have with someone who makes you feel like more than just a dirty towel in the laundry room that is our universe.

Cheers!

P.S. I plan to marry my girlfriend as soon as I can afford it (a year or two out of school), so I suppose we are in similar boats.

 

[DSlayerZX]

Seriously though, the idea of getting marry scare the sh@# out of me since my parents hated each other and didn't divorce only because they wanted my sister to finish high school first.
Everything time I go back home, the atmosphere is not good.... there is always some kind of tension floating around the two of them...

But still, if I find someone that I truly loves, yes, I may want to get into marriage... but the first thing come into my consideration at that time would be my income. I swear to my self that I would not be getting marry unless I can make more than $70000 a year. I don't want my kids go through what I went through.

 

[VR6ofpain]

I proposed to my girlfriend of ~4 years 12 days ago. It really isn't that scary. We actually got into a little argument the other day and I realized things changed, because now I couldn't consider the whole "what if things don't work out", since I already proposed to her...but then I thought to myself how stupid and petty the argument was, and how good we are together. If you know she is the right one, I don't think you should fear anything. You should look forward to it. I am.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Without reading the rest of this thread, I'll just respond to the original question:

I'm working onmy 26th year of marriage - I was 21 years old when I got married. It's normal to be nervous, just like stage fright. But if your fear goes beyond normal human reaction, and you have doubts about the strength of your relationship, then that's a different story. Years change people and relationships, for people change. Yet, true love is stonger than anything that can be thrown your way. If you're in love, and you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then don't be scared. Be happy.

 

[Shizelbs]

Being scared is fine. How you choose to handle that fright is another thing.

I think is completely unfair to her, and her family to choose to get married thinking that divorce is an option if it doesn't work out. Thats pretty dishonest to everyone, and some One else depending on how religious you are.

I also think its important to have similar goals for life in general. What do you want to do? Will your spouse hinder those goals? Are you goals incompatible, or is your spouse the ideal person to achieve those goals?

Do you still love her even when things are going less than perfect?

And I suppose that my one piece of advise that I can give from my short marriage, make the extra effort, and do it often, to be selfless and do things that make her happy.

Also, both my wife and I recommend reading The Five Love Languages.

 

[Tarheel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangel9685 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, me and the girl have been going out for about 5 years. She's outta college and in the real world (as of next week), and i have (hopefully) another year to go. the inevitable was going to happen. the marriage question. "when are we gonna get married? 5 years maybe?" I said yes, and i still say yes. I love this girl, and can honestly say i probably, no will marry her. I just scared outta my mind about it. It's been nagging at me for a while. A very long time. Why? well, I see all these old couples who absolutely HATE each other and being in each other's company. I don't want that to happen to us at all. Also, I don't want the love to just vanish. Like okay we're married, so we don't have to do anything special for each other. We're stuck together, and we might as well just live it out. this prospect seriously scares the **** outta me. Am I crazy? Is this normal?

If you don't know after 5 years, you will never know.

 

[Fallingwater]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blackmore /img/forum/go_quote.gif It is natural when people married when they are young, more natural than some just wait and wait and wait... Finally you wake up and what you have: 1. Your house 2. Your car 3. Your dog /cat 4. Your all material stuff That's what you will not have: 1. Happiness, because of emptiness and: a. No kids b. No kids c. No kids

Yeah, because marriage is obviously a biological necessity for happiness and kids, and not being married automatically makes you feel empty.

Remember: "not married"

"all alone in the world".

(by the way, do consider that for some people "no kids" is actually a plus.)

 

[OptionTrader]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pne /img/forum/go_quote.gif whats the rush? Like anything else in life, the more work you put into it the better it will be. If that fails there's always divorce..

You were doing great there all the way up to the last statement. Nonchalantly allowing yourself the option of a divorce removes the commitment to the level it needs to be for a long successful marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spareribs /img/forum/go_quote.gif If marraige scares you, then don't get married. No big deal. Lot's of people are not married. I'm not. If I never get married, I can still be happy, even without a family.

I disagree. Family is the legacy you leave. No one will ever remember you for your material things or professional accomplishments. You will really be remembered for being a great father, a mentor, a faithful and understanding husband, etc.

During my 27 years of marriage (to only one woman) I have seen many other marriages crumble for all the wrong reasons.

I can't imagine life without my wife and kids. It would be very empty.

 

[Fallingwater]

Quote:

Originally Posted by OptionTrader /img/forum/go_quote.gif You will really be remembered for being a great father, a mentor, a faithful and understanding husband, etc.

And why exactly is this better than being remembered as a great father, a mentor and a faithful and understanding companion?

Why are marriage and a family so very inseparable to you?
Why can't one just be happily together with the person he/she loves without being married to him/her? People CAN stay together for a long time even if they don't have the threat of divorce keeping them from breaking up, you know...

 

[OptionTrader]

Ok then. Call me old fashioned. (Check my profile, I'll be 50 this year. I noticed you, Fallingwater, just turned 24 this year. I have been married longer than you have been breathing.

)

It's just interesting to note how fewer people are willing to commit any more.