If you're feelin' a bit bummed right now
Dec 2, 2003 at 5:03 PM Thread Starter Post #1 of 14


Divorced an Orpheus to keep his wife.
Oct 23, 2001
I know the holiday season can be a bit rough emotionally for many of us. I have been reading some of the posts here at Head-fi as well as on the Military forums and I see the mood getting grim. Some of the emails I have been recieving from Soldiers in the Gulf are understandably depressing and express feelings of depression and loneliness and I know that this is not good and I want don't any of my friends to feel like this.

I been feelin' bummed myself after my recent hospital stay and learning that I will have to be off work(both jobs) for at least six months to get myself healthy again,if I can at all. My wife,kids and parents have been a great help in keeping me grounded and optimistic but it is my friends that really cheer me up most. A phone call from any of my friends is usually enough to bring a smile to face for at least as long as we are talking and usually for the rest of the day. I talk to my audio friends about gear and women,I talk to my Military friends about Soldier stuff and women,I talk to my car and motorcycle friends about cars,motorcycles and women but it is good to talk with any of them about anything. When I'm sittin' at home all by myself during the day(like right now) is when I really feel bummed. I do a bit of surfing and I listen to music as long as I can stand to but a call from a buddy is what does it for me. We can dump on one another and I think it makes us both feel a better. I have friends with far worse problems than minef and it feels just as good to give them a lift when I can.

I shared with you all the story of my good friend Donnie who chose to take his own life. I loved Donnie and miss him terribly. If I can't comprehend why anyone would ever want to commit suicide,I hope you understand. I pray that none of you have ever contemplated anything so rash, but if you have, I hope that you would seek help,from anyone. If any of you ever wants to talk,about anything,feel free to drop me a PM and we'll exchange numbers. This is as much a help to me as it is to you. I'm sittin' around with my thumb up my ass,watchin' pornos and I know this ain't healthy.

edit: actually today and for the rest of this week,I'm shipping off the records I promised folks months ago. Perhaps they'll arrive before Christmas.
Dec 2, 2003 at 5:22 PM Post #2 of 14

Sorry about both the bad news of your health and need to take it easy for a while, and for the loss of your friend. Both are blows that can be hard to take, but I pray that they help you to become stronger and grow thru the experience. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act, and those who take that route are generally left feeling so alone and neglected that they feel there is no other solution left for them.

I learned one big secret a few years back that I would like to share. After the Gulf War I ended up with pretty severe asthma due to breathing in the smoke and soot from the huge oil fires near the coast of Kuwait. I was throwing myself a pity party due the the problems I was having with breathing, the associated allergies and skin problems, and the inability to enjoy life like I could before since every time I laugh too hard I end up with an attack and almost can't breathe. Then, one day I picked up a book on dermatology that my wife had sitting around. I started flipping thru the pages of this book and was nearly sick at the pictures. These people have some incredibly painful, debilitating, and horrific looking diseases. Some people's faces and bodies were all red, swollen, pus ridden, and other things even worse. Some could probably never go out in public for fear of stares and ridicule. After seeing how much worse many, many other people had it I was actually able to be thankful for having asthma.

Paul the Apostle wrote these words in Philippians 4:11-12: "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, sto be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."

General lesson: we need to be thankful for the good times and good health when you have it, and realize that if nothing else you are alive and able to see and spend time with your wife, kids, and family. Those who are dead can not do so. There is always a bright side, and instead of learning to wallow in self-pity we need to appreciate what we do have and focus on that! Pity parties are self-defeating and cause us nothing but more woe and problems. I know, I went thru it for a while and came out of it much stronger.
Dec 2, 2003 at 5:35 PM Post #3 of 14
Hi Tuberoller,

A few years back I fell into deep depression, I realized that I needed to make a MANY drastic changes in my life (relationship, job, education, location). I sought professional help because I was contemplating very bad things. The lady that I met with helped me immensely!! One of the most profound things she passed onto me is this story that I'll paste in below. I don’t know where it originated, but I do know that’s is rather old and you might have already seen it. Everybody that I’ve shared it with has really found it helpful.

I'm much better now and reading this story always makes me smile.

Shake it off and take a step up!

One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.
Then, a few shovelfuls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovelful of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of all the neighbors.

Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to not let it bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
* Free your heart from hatred.
* Free your mind from worries.
* Live simply.
* Give more.
* Expect less.

The donkey kicked the **** out of the guy that tried to bury him. Which brings me to another moral for this story: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back and gets you.
Dec 2, 2003 at 5:51 PM Post #4 of 14
Sorry to hear about your health issues, tuberoller. Take care! Best to you.
Dec 2, 2003 at 5:55 PM Post #5 of 14

I'm sorry to hear about your health concerns. Combined with the loss of your friend Donnie, it has to be wearing on you.

I think that you are on the right track with staying in touch with your friends. They can be a rock for you at a time like this.

BTW - What do you talk to your WOMEN friends about?

About twenty years ago, I lost someone very dear to me in a horrible car accident. What made it even worse is that I was driving the car. I went into the kind of downward spiral that a LOT of people don't recover from, believe me. It took me a LONG time (better than two years) to crawl out of that hole, and I know that I've never gotten completely over it. However, when I look back on where I was then, I realize two things:

1) Although it didn't seem like it at the time, the sun will come up again. Life gets better...sometimes it's just a matter of showing up for long enough.

2) Nothing is more important at a time of personal trial then your friends. I would have never made it through that if not for my good friends. They probably saved my life in a lot of ways.

I know...really uplifting stuff. I hope that the message in it is not lost in the process.
Dec 2, 2003 at 6:11 PM Post #6 of 14
Hey Tube! It was my pleasure to meet you at my first Head - fi get together in Chi - town recently. I came away thoroughly impressed with what a friendly, kind and easy going guy you are. Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Hang in and I'm looking forward to seeing you at the Milwaukee get together if you can still make it.

markkr- good story

Can't wait til pitchers and catchers report, if that helps at all. Helps me through the winter.
Dec 2, 2003 at 6:32 PM Post #7 of 14
Great thread, Fred. Truer words of wisdom have rarely been spoken, methinks.

I hope your recovery is swift, as painless as possible, and that you'll be able to do the work you love soon and get back to selflessly saving lives and homes.

I hope everybody has a happy holiday season and remember that all us Head-Fiers are here as friends and that most of us are happy to be there for each other.

God bless,

My own advice to people feeling down... don't listen to music that makes you feel depressed, even if you like how it makes you feel "deep." Listen to good music, but happy music. Music is more powerful than many want to believe, especially for music lovers!
Dec 2, 2003 at 7:38 PM Post #8 of 14
Hi Tube,

I have been having one of those times where everything seems to turn to donkey-doo myself, but fortunately for me, not quite as serious as what you've been going through. However, solace is not to be found in the greater misfortune of others, but rather in letting them know you care. You've done that many times, and even though we have not met face to face, I think your actions on this board speak volumes about the person behind the moniker. So here's to you Fred, keep on truckin' and get well soon!

For the rest of us in a blue mood, keep faith, remind yourself every day of the good things, hug your family, and forge ahead to a brighter future. Oh yeah, it can't hurt to keep smiling.

Dec 3, 2003 at 12:03 AM Post #9 of 14
First things first get your health issues taken care of . The rest will fall in line.
I know how you feel about losing a friend. Years back I had a friend stick a
gun in his mouth and ended his life.,he was in his late 20s.
This past sunday my best friend who I had known for over 45 years called me his wife pasted away in her sleep ,she was only 37. Had just seen them both at another friends wedding. Going to the funeral tommorow.
Life stinks sometimes, but thats just how it is.Just hang in there and listen to some tunes.When you get down just think of all the good times ahead.
With all that you are into that shouldn't be so hard.Get better and see you at the next Ny meet
Dec 4, 2003 at 7:59 PM Post #10 of 14
Hey Tuberoller How’s it going? Be careful sitting around eating cheatos and watching porno’s.

I was thinking we need a Tuberoller ass rating for headphone gear? Maybe a scale of 1-5 from saggymore butt to firm and sweet? Ruth Gordon on one end and Bo Derek on the other.

Remember the Clint Eastwood movie with the orangatange where they put Ruth Gordons head on Bo Dereks body jogging on the beach?

I hope things pull together for you. It’s been a pleasure reading your threads and reviews. The refrigerator picture and your concerns about dealing with kids. It definitely adds a sense of humanity to this place.

Keep up the good work and all the best with your recovery and life in general.

Happy Holidays and Best wishes to you and yours.

Dec 4, 2003 at 8:59 PM Post #11 of 14
I'm not really new here, but I don't post a lot, but I do read a lot of posts and I hope things work out for you Tube.

I guess I can somehow relate. When I was 18 I contracted a chronic disease called Chron's Disease. At the time I didn't know what I had and I've always been the type of person that doesn't care for doctors. So I let it slide hoping that it would be something that would pass. After a year it wasn't passing and I was getting worse. One of the symptoms of Chron's is severe abdominal pain. I had gotten to the point that I felt whatever I had was going to kill me and I just assume let it. I was very depressed and things just weren't going right for me at that time in my life. I didn't contemplate suicide, but I just didn't care if I died the next day. I'm not sure which is worse. Anyhow, it had gotten to the point where I was loosing weight and went from 245 pounds to 153 pounds in about a month. I had also gotten very pale. It was at this point I could no longer hide my problem from my family and friends and my mother forced me to see a doctor. Had I not had people that care for me more than I did I probably would have been dead a month or so later. After surgery and finding out what it was the prescription I was prescribed by the doctors helped but then I began to decline again. The doctors told me that I didn't need to change my diet, but later I found a large list of foods to avoid. They also put me on oral steroids and wanted to put me on a stronger prescription that might poison me. I was also laid off from four jobs in the period of a year. Life just wasn't going good for me and I was still very depressed and I still didn't care if I died or not. Then I began looking into herbal supplements and made a huge dietary change. Now I'm almost 23 and I no longer take my prescription and I feel great, I can only get up to close to 180 pounds and average at the mid 170s but at least I feel fine. Now I am working in a job that I like and feel secure in. The only downside is that all my friends either live in Colorado or live about and hour and a half away except for one who is moving to Las Vegas soon for a job. At least I talk to all of them on a regular basis. I've also had a friend that committed suicide and never showed ANY signs of depression. It came out of nowhere. So, like I said, I guess I can relate in some way. I know how much it can suck, but now I feel great. I'm not depressed anymore, my health is great, I love life again, and I want to get out and do things. I actually have ambition again.

I hope things look up for you and everyone here. The holidays are no time to be down in the dumps.
Dec 5, 2003 at 6:03 AM Post #12 of 14

I've been facing some issues of my own, particularily connected to this time of year. Yours are something else entirely though. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your current health problems. I can only hope and pray that you can work your way back to full health, which is at the center of everything important. I also fully EXPECT to see exactly that happen. From the opportunties that I have had to get to know you a bit, I dont expect that ANYTHING can keep Tuberoller down!!!
Nothing good ever comes easily, as you well know, and this is but the start of a new journey where you will accomplish whatever is necessary and come back stronger than before. You've done this in the past, and will, this time, again. After all, youre Tuberoller, and we're not! <g>
I'll be in touch to see how youre doing. Take good care of yourself until then.

Dec 5, 2003 at 8:45 AM Post #13 of 14
since when is sitting around and watching **** once in awhile, or a lot, a bad thing?
**** can be a very good thing...in many different ways! i know if anything other than having family and friends stick close by, it is also having people that share a passion with you close by too...like all of us here at head-fi. at first glance, head-fi seems hardly the place to come for comfort...but i know when i feel like crap, head-fi and its members can easily take me completely out of a bad mood...or even out of pain sometimes!
throughout the past 5 years or so, i lost my best and closest friend to cancer, and i have been diagnosed with degenerative disk disease which means i essentially have 3 (maybe 4 now) messed up disks in my lower back...it causes me a great deal of pain every single day and the pain is ruining my life. i am only 23, and already i feel like i'm 50! but, i don't know what i'd do without you guys. sometimes, all it takes is for me to read a wonderful Senn replacement cable review written by Tuberoller to put me in a good mood and help continue to feed my dreams (and addiction)
all i'm saying is when ever life gets depressing, my instinct is to look at the good aspects of my current situation, but at the same time to not ignore the bad aspects either because with the good there is always bad...life simply cannot be any other way. i get a sense of balance out of this i guess. anyways, i just thought i'd ramble on a wee bit. take care Tubey, hang in there man. we'll be hearin' from ya'. happy listening
Dec 5, 2003 at 3:48 PM Post #14 of 14
Thanks for all the calls guys, I needed that for sure. Often when I'm feeling down something will happen that makes me feel much better right when I need it most. I got a card from the family of a Baby I delivered a few years ago and they sent along one of those Christmas letters with some pics of the kid. She was wearing a Chicago Fire Department shirt and had the biggest,cutest smile I have ever seen.

I have been staying busy with finishing up all the reviews I am behind on and getting the records boxed and shipped.

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