[rmx]

Hi Guys

Going thru a bit of a hard time right now. One of my best friends, also my housemate, found out today morning that his younger brother was killed in an overnight hit and run. He was 18. He was really broken up about it as soon as he found out, but he's surprisingly controlled and calm now. I'd like to do as much as I can for him to help him thru - our families have always been close and I consider him a brother. What do I do? What can I say? I've never been in such a situation before, and other than comforting him, I feel I cant do much more... any advice guys?

 

[Julz]

man, I'm so sorry to hear that. There's pretty much nothing you can do, except be a friend and be there for him for when he does want to let his grief go.

 

[PFKMan23]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmx Hi Guys Going thru a bit of a hard time right now. One of my best friends, also my housemate, found out today morning that his younger brother was killed in an overnight hit and run. He was 18. He was really broken up about it as soon as he found out, but he's surprisingly controlled and calm now. I'd like to do as much as I can for him to help him thru - our families have always been close and I consider him a brother. What do I do? What can I say? I've never been in such a situation before, and other than comforting him, I feel I cant do much more... any advice guys?

Honestly, I think the key in such a time is to just be there for him. Be there for him if he cries and needs a shoulder to lean on, reminisce and such. BUt I think the key for you is to just listen. And given that he is going through a tough times you might want to help him out a bit with some errands if possible, becasue he might be overwhelmed.

Personally I think he's in shock right now, and the best thing to do is to be there to listen.

 

[Jahn]

that's seriously messed up. if he wants to talk, let him talk. if he wants to just push it in a corner and try to chill with you like always, go play some Halo with him. just be a friend like you always have - i'm sure he's not expecting any more (or less) from you, so just be yourself and don't feel like you have to read a book on counseling or anything.

 

[LFF]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julz man, I'm so sorry to hear that. There's pretty much nothing you can do, except be a friend and be there for him for when he does want to let his grief go.

Seconded.

 

[rmx]

He's a strong guy - very mentally stable, and he almost seems normal right now. We just caught the report on tv about what happened last night, and other than a sense of curiosity, I didnt detect any kind of emotion. I'll be here for him, but right now I'm going to take him to his family - they live quite far away, and he's going to have to take a ferry/seaplane to get home. I'll give him a ride to the seaplane...

 

[clarke68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmx He was really broken up about it as soon as he found out, but he's surprisingly controlled and calm now.

That's pretty normal...I lost my mom about 15 years ago, and I found I went through different stages of mourning: shock, disbelief, detachment, tears, sense of loss, etc. There's undoubted going to be a lot of stupid business-like stuff to take care of during this time, too, which can complicate things...try and help him through that stuff as much as you can. Mourning, in one way or another, can go on for a while (months), so he may really need you in a few weeks once all the attention/people bringing meals over/etc. fades.

Definitely agree with the others about just being there for him as friend...no one really knows what to say during times like this, so you're not alone if you feel speechless or ineffective (you're not).

 

[mjg]

im really sorry for your friends grief. I think you shouldn't impose yourself on him, but do like what jahn says. I was in a similar situation last year when mutual friends died, a friend of mine shared the flat with home though and wokeup near his dead body...

Time heals that kinda stuff, cant expect anything amazing happening, he might cage it up and not leak out emotion... yet im sure eventually he's going to have some sort of release and being around is probablly a good idea wether he knows it or not.

I really hope they catch the horrible person who did this, if you made a terrible mistake, atleast stay and fess up to it, manslaughter is onethinig, but evading the situation is so screwed up.

good luck.

 

[Blitzula]

I lost my mother this year...some friends also lost significant people in their lives.

I would tell him that if he ever needs to talk, you're always there for him. I'd also offer to help in any way that you can...think of some concrete practical things you can offer if applicable.

 

[rmx]

Thanks for all the advice guys. Just so you know, they caught the guy that killed Nick.

Rest in Peace, Nicholas Mathers.

http://www.canada.com/victoriatimesc...a14428&k=87848

 

[overlunge]

Sorry to hear that, rmx. I second what Blitzula said, let him know you are happy to talk when he's ready, so he knows where to go. And everyone griefs differently so just let him does his thing and be ready to be all ears.

My prayers goes out to his family and friends.


Overlunge

 

[aaroncort]

Just make sure that he knows that he can talk to you when he's ready to talk about it. thats all you can really do.