[PinkFloyd]

There was a time when I could write paragraphs of stuff off the top of my head with ease, I could type in my thoughts at the speed of sound, some of it was good some of it was bad... thing is, I was confident and enthusiastic and sharp.

These days I'm finding it hard to post in a "happy birthday" thread without having to think about what I should say...... it all seems like such an effort and even though I've got a lot to say there's a devil in my mind which is saying "***** it man, go to bed you're washed out, your brain is dead..... go and sleep...... go and die"

I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who has lost the taste for life and lost their appetite for Hi-Fi....... those of you who have been there and come out of it I'd love to know how you did it......... I've never been so low and so negative or so messed up....... I really don't see a way forward at the present time.

I've got no appetite (to eat) no appetite (for life) all I wan't to do is sleep and when I wake up I want to go back to sleep....... this post I should probably have kept to myself but I need to know that I'm not the only person who is suffering from a lifetime of alcohol abuse / midlife crisis and if there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm 44 years old, unmarried, no children (not that I know of) I was in a 12 year relationship with a girl 14 years my junior which ended a couple of years ago when she met "Mr. Perfect" on the internet........ before that "relationship" I discoed and partied and bedded more women than Warren Beatty could only dream about.... great times, or so I thought then...... turns out I'm a sad lonely boozer with no friends and no woman to love........ I don't even love myself these days..........

Have any of you geezers (who have been there) got any tips for seeing / realising the light at the end of the dark tunnel?


Mike.

 

[Oink1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkFloyd Have any of you geezers (who have been there) got any tips for seeing / realising the light at the end of the dark tunnel? Mike.

Now don't dismiss this straight away Mike - It sounds like you have a bit of classic depression (something of which i suffer so i recognise the symptoms) I'd suggest a trip to your GP and discuss your feelings with them mate - Antidepressants are not a shamefull thing and you don't have to be on them forever either.They worked for me when i came to the realisation that my life was not what i wanted and gave me the will to do something about it.

 

[PinkFloyd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oink1 Now don't dismiss this straight away Mike - It sounds like you have a bit of classic depression (something of which i suffer so i recognise the symptoms) I'd suggest a trip to your GP and discuss your feelings with them mate - Antidepressants are not a shamefull thing and you don't have to be on them forever either.They worked for me when i came to the realisation that my life was not what i wanted and gave me the will to do something about it.

Unfortunately I've been there and done that Oink1..... whatever they prescribe I abuse.......... if they dish me out 28 x 10mg Valium I'll do them in one day It's not pills I need It's a will to live.

 

[jpburton5150]

pinkfloyd... i know exactly how you feel. well i mean sure, I am a good 28 or so years younger than you, but i lost my appetite for life a while ago to... i dunno, ive been reading a lot and started to believe in fate and i live by the fact that "if something is meant to happen, it will happen." It sounds like a communist slogan, but it has helped in unexplanable ways. I no longer really worry about life, cus it'll turn out the way its is supposed to....
...well thats just in my opinion


oh and i write about being depressed a lot in my blog which can be found on my site

 

[PinkFloyd]

Hi Oink,

I've got drawers full of prescribed drugs....... they do nothing for me

Mike.

 

[PinkFloyd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpburton5150 pinkfloyd... i know exactly how you feel. well i mean sure, I am a good 28 or so years younger than you, but i lost my appetite for life a while ago to... i dunno, ive been reading a lot and started to believe in fate and i live by the fact that "if something is meant to happen, it will happen." It sounds like a communist slogan, but it has helped in unexplanable ways. I no longer really worry about life, cus it'll turn out the way its is supposed to.... ...well thats just in my opinion oh and i write about being depressed a lot in my blog which can be found on my site

I've drunk a bottle of whisky "every" night for 20 years without respite........ I appreciate your comments man but they're not applicable in this instance.


Mike.

 

[jpburton5150]

yeah, well i figured i'd be way out in left field.... sorry bout that... should watch myself more....

 

[MrSlacker]

do you have any pets? may be go and adopt a puppy, it will cheer you up and you will have something to do in your free time

 

[ricks584]

You need to get on the right dosage of the right antidepressant; trust me. Find a good psychiatrist and get on the right meds. Personally, I would avoid talk therapy like the plague.

 

[PinkFloyd]

I agree.............. I'm out of here.


Pinkie.

 

[12796]

Hey Pinkie - sorry to hear about your woes. I can certainly sympathise - especially with the women bit. I never met a good one yet - except as friends. Of course my "asian fetish" has been responsible for a lot of that so I guess I am partly to blame.

Meds or other escape routes (alcohol, fast living etc) arent the answer - the only wisdom I have learnt in my life is that happiness is not to be found in things or people or anything external - it can only come from internal goals and purpose and balance. I suspect if you can get out of this rut - new location, new job... - and set yourself a new direction then you will soon forget the past, break the negative cycle and be a lot happier.

As goethe once said - "we must change, rejuvenate ourselves, otherwise we harden".

 

[BrokenEnglish]

well.. those drugs don't work anymore, mike. a good thing in case of alcohol. a bad thing - at least for us - in case of head/hi-fi-ism. depression means loss of activity. you'll need to find a few activities, that are (a) easy enough to do and (b) things you love(d) to do. and then... do it! you'll feel relieved. a behaviour therapist also could help you there.

 

[PinkFloyd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by biovizier As goethe once said - "we must change, rejuvenate ourselves, otherwise we harden".

I've certainly hardened alright, not only am I turning into a slab of fast drying concrete sitting on this damned chair (comfy as it is) peering at a computer but I can feel my arteries hardening up as well.

That Goethe guy makes a lot of sense but it's the getting up and doing it and the rejunenating bit that's the hardest part..... it all too easy to get into a rut and sit there wallowing in self pity day in day out.. snapping out of it and changing routine is the hardest part.

I don't know what possessed me to start this thread last night and I wish it would disappear... some days I'm pretty content but others I'm down in the pits of hell and just want to go an sit in a dark cave and wallow in it.. I suppose quite a lot of people have / are going through the same kind of thing and it isn't good when you lose the plot and haven't got any drive or ambition and can only see the bad side of everything and everybody....

It's not me and all I want is for the smile to return to my face...... as I say, I don't know what possessed me to post this depressing crap on Head-Fi... I should keep off the computer when I'm feeling that low as I only type a load of negative crap.

Sod it, I may as well give the "professionals" another go although the last time I left the counsellor guy agreeing with all my observations on life.... I think he was glad to see the back of me

These people are ok to a certain degree but at the end of the day they're pill pushers and usually send you away with a bag of prozac.... it's chemicals that have got me into this rut and the thought of taking other chemicals to reverse the damage doesn't really interest me, a couple of weeks in a health farm sitting in a spa knocking back carrot juice would probably be more beneficial.

Ah well, sorry to upload my depression to Head-Fi...... if a mod can remove this gloomy thread I'd appreciate it.

Mike.

 

[Ebonyks]

Pinkey, i don't mean to be mean spirited in any light by saying this, but...

In the few years that i've been watching forums, you are the single most devoted member to any forum that i have ever seen. It seems like your thoughts, life and dreams all revolve around head-fi. Granted, you stated that you're a 44-year old single guy with no wife or kids, i'm sure it must be hard to find things to distract yourself with.

I know it's much easier to say something as opposed to actually taking measures of doing so, but why not make a conscious effort to get out more often? Perhaps you could explore this through a love of music, getting to know local musicans and becoming a regular at a club. There are limitless things that you can be doing, and it merely seems like head-fi is one that is quickly being worn out.

This is unrelated, but regarding antidepressants, what experiences do you have with standard SSRI-class antidepressants? They have no abuse potentional, so pill-popping in itself is an exersize in futility, and seem to help a lot of people. Granted, you need to be taking them for some time for their full effects to truly develop, but i know many people who have major lifestyle changes possible as a result of antidepressants.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[MetalManCPA]

My experience with depression was through the eyes of my daughter. A very dark and disturbing 3 years (and the risk is always there) was spent between my daughters age of 15-18. As a parent, we could only support her and guide her. We were very proactive with our daughters care. My daughter was very lucky that her psychologist is as good as he is. Finding the right psychiatrist (pill pusher) was a whole other ball-game. In the end, we pulled her off her medication, and found it to be the best move at that particular time.

My wife & I made sure our daughters psychiatrist and psychologist spoke to each other so there was continuity in her care. We feel this was key in seeing her receive the best possible care. Since it appears you are going to give the professionals another chance, at least make sure the pill pusher talks to your therapist. It's too bad pill pushing to the professionals is more about money than care (at least that's how I see it). Good luck.