[sisenor]

I feel confident enough to talk about this here I had this idea that we should talk about crying. I let myself cry even, like, weep for a little while tonight (I can count the number of times I've really cried for more than 5 seconds in the past 5 or more years on one hand) and it was therapeutic, giving me some release as well as insight that I'll mention. I also want to talk about another thing a little more later, because it needs, at least for me, to be said..just that women know about this a lot more than men do and they seldom, at least in my situation, let it be explicitly known. For those of you who have nurturing, reciprocating relationships with women in your lives, this part at least doesn't apply to you (I don't have a girlfriend right now), but I'd like to hear your thoughts as well as it relates to what crying does for you.

So, the first part was that I wanted to carve up a bit about me tonight and how I let myself cry for long enough to actually cry a few minutes ago. I'm sure it's clear from the way I'm being so candid about my--in particular--experience with crying that I don't cry often and that it may have been especially cathartic and that's because I've experienced likely a more than average amount of pain and stress over the last several years. So, I'm looking to talk to (and maybe really I don't need to even say this) but I'm looking to talk to people who don't view me as pitiable but understand--hopefully, because it's inline with what I think the niche of crying is in a healthy life--that crying should definitely occur when it should and when it's helpful and natural, at the same time not being too often to be conducive to feeling sorry for one's self nor not often enough or not ever. So, I cried tonight for a few minutes and was able to break through a couple walls holding me back and then I cried and didn't feel like I was feeling sorry for myself but kind of forgiving myself and letting my self help myself and get through some stuff. It's sort of hard to remember everything, but like if I felt like a crocodile tear or two came out I would be honest with myself and not cry then but try to allow any honest tears to come out and was relieved that a few did. And also, for few moments I let myself get pretty angry when I was crying, like about how I've let people take advantage of me and stuff, but I used it to squeeze that out of me and try to empower myself with it and also purge that negativity that was imposed on me. So, can you tell me some of your thoughts on this and your crying.

And then the other thing I was saying is just that I think it would be helpful for both sexes if women could guide men in this regard a bit more. Not just within intimate relationships, but also more casually, as I don't think showing your feelings more is going to make you vulnerable or hurt anything.

Well, oh well, worth a try for me to say this because, I know for myself, I'm going to try to let myself be more receptive to my emotions and when I need to empty the ******** from my psyche in the form of crying.

 

[ken36]

Pick yourself up. Be a man. Repress like the rest of us. On second thought this is a good thread. You are to be admired for letting it all hang out. So to speak. I cry like a baby when some person or animal dear to me dies. When my last dog Max died, I went to bed for three days. Then we got a cat and our present dog. Life goes on.

 

[GAD]

Crying is an incredibly good stress relief mechanism.

GAD

 

[Superpredator]

I don't feel like I make any special effort to repress my mushier emotions, they're just naturally repressed, and I mostly like it that way.

I wrote a little song about how I feel...

Quote:

Oh, there ain't no tears in me, there ain't no tears in me There may be tears in some of you thugs But, there ain't no tears in me Well, the mosquito comes in June The stink bug comes in July The bedbug comes any time of year But he ain't gonna make us cry (chorus) There was a bullfrog sittin' on a lilly pad Looking up at the sky The lilly pad broke and the frog fell in That was water in his eye (chorus) Oh the mosquito she flies low Mosquito she flies high If old skeeter lands on me She ain't gonna make me cry Oh, there ain't no emotions in me, there ain't no emotions in me There may be feelings in some of you guys But, there ain't no feelings in me (chorus) Oh, there ain't no sobbing in me, there ain't no sobbing in me There may be sobbing in some of you mobsters But, there ain't no sobbing in me (chorus) Oh, there ain't no sadness in me, there ain't no sadness in me There may be sadness in some of you dudes But, there ain't no sadness on me (chorus) Oh, there ain't flowery speeches in me, there ain't no speeches in me There may be speeches in some of you peaches But, there ain't no speeches in me (chorus)

 

[stevenkelby]

I'm proud of you for being able to do that, and to post it here. I couldn't do either I'm afraid.

 

[zotjen]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It's perfectly natural and part of human nature. In fact, if you didn't or don't cry, I would say you have issues. I'm not saying you need to cry out in the open or publicly admit it, but everyone needs to cry, even if it's when you're all alone.

Quote:

And then the other thing I was saying is just that I think it would be helpful for both sexes if women could guide men in this regard a bit more. Not just within intimate relationships, but also more casually, as I don't think showing your feelings more is going to make you vulnerable or hurt anything.

I'm not sure what you're getting at here but I think the last thing you need is a woman (or another man) guiding you on how to express your feelings. Express them when, where, and how you feel most comfortable. Crying is a very personal thing and whether or not you wish to share it with someone is your business.

 

[Thelonious Monk]

it's a lot more fun and effective to go at it with a punching bag while blasting noise music—and naked of course. best stress reliever ever.

 

[virometal]

^ Hmmm...I have to try that.

There's nothing wrong with a good cry; just don't do it in front of women. I've heard many females say they want a sensitive guy - big lie. Don't do it in front of your buds either. IME, male relationships are built on cred. The cred hit from crying is very steep.

There's only two safe areas for public tears - with your mom or if you are older and receiving some great life achievement.

That's it. Anything else, find a closet including funerals.

 

[Kirosia]

I've recently begun channeling my depression/sadness/anger into my strength exercises. Of course, this also leads me to push a little too hard, often leading to minor bodily injury.

 

[GlendaleViper]

Good on ya for admitting this here, and it's definitely an interesting thread topic.

I need to have a good cry from time to time, and it's usually music that brings it out of me. Sometimes I'll know I need to have a little release and toss on Brian Wilson or Nick Drake or any number of powerfully emotional artists and let them work me over. Other times, it's quite unexpected, but I roll with it.

Physical exertion is a great release as well, but I find it's better for the little day-to-day issues that get to me. Nothing dumps an emotional weight off the shoulders like crying. Often there is more on your mind than what you can recognize. I find I benefit from a good cry every 4-6 months.

It also forces introspection, something I would recommend to anyone as a daily practise - think about what you think and how you feel!

Like Virometal said, however, there is a definite time and place. Control over your emotions is directly linked to character, so while it's good to refrain from repressing your emotions, do understand their highly personal nature.

 

[ecclesand]

Quote:

Originally Posted by virometal /img/forum/go_quote.gif ^ Hmmm...I have to try that. There's nothing wrong with a good cry; just don't do it in front of women. I've heard many females say they want a sensitive guy - big lie. Don't do it in front of your buds either. IME, male relationships are built on cred. The cred hit from crying is very steep. There's only two safe areas for public tears - with your mom or if you are older and receiving some great life achievement. That's it. Anything else, find a closet including funerals.

I cried publicly when both my children were born. Can't really explain why...it just happened. I also cried publicly when my 12 year old nephew took his own life with a rifle...not at the funeral, but at the actual scene. Other than that, the only crying I do involves self-pity and it's always done in private or with my wife. We cry because we know the horror we face when our kids become teenagers!!!!

So quit your damn blubbering, walk it off, rub some dirt on it, and stand up like a man you candyasses!!!

 

[Jahn]

i think the last time i cried in public was watching "Dead Poets Society" in high school. OH CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN all up on the desks like that - damn you, Robin Williams!

 

[Zarathustra19]

^ indeed a tear-jerking scene, or at least a swelling of the heart scene.

In any case, I prefer to cry alone, but when necessary, I do it in front of my girlfriend. I find, however, that I like to be on the comforting side of "on the shoulder crying", as it results in fewer embarrassed glances I have to shoot the g/f afterwards.

 

[Quaddy]

i must admit, i hate crying in front of people. period. i have had a weep in private before now...but things do happen in life so as to warrant that, cant deny the mechanism, tis all powerful

 

[soozieq]

As a female, I have no problem with guys crying. I don't think it's 'unmanly' or anything like that. It's just a normal release of tension, much like laughing. I had one b/f who never cried, never - not even at his mother's funeral. Yes, I know people grieve in their own way, but he was so repressed about showing emotion of any type, that years later he suffered a stroke (and recovered). We weren't together at that point, but I often wonder if it was related to all the bottled-up feelings he had. I didn't know his father, but I heard that he scorned any of the boys for crying, so I guess it was something he'd grown up with, and couldn't break free from.

Then on the complete flip side - I had a French b/f who would blubber over anything, the colour of the sunset, films, books, music. He was always crying about something! Talk about opposites! And I have to say I couldn't get used to him welling up just because his croissant was so perfectly moist! I guess the French are more 'expressive'?? But for me, it was a little too much.

And the b/f I have now hardly ever cries, but his best friend died recently and he cried a lot. Sometimes upstairs alone, sometimes downstairs with me. It didn't matter one way or the other so long as he didn't feel he had to 'keep it in' to be manly. It's definitely better out than in. Keeping it 'in' doesn't make the sadness go away, it's still there, festering.