using +4/-10 setting on 1212m/1820m is up to you, if you set -10, there is software volume attenuation taking place, when set at +4, the DAC receives unattenuated data.. using balanced or unbalanced cables doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is if the device you're connecting to it can take the hotter input, most headphone amps will do just fine..
1212m has 75R output impedance on both pos & neg outputs, that's probably a normative impedance for balanced connection and suits the needs for headphones, BUT:
0404 has rather high output impedance of mere 470R and that's simply way high to power any lower impedance loads.. what happens? take your 80R headphones, connect to 470R output and you'r getting nice voltage divider: the output is 2Vrms, but your headphones are seeing just 80 * 2 / (80+470), that's about 0.29Vrms.. wonder why the volume is so low? there is and easy 'fix' for that though.. all you need is to replace two output resistors on the 0404 board for say 50R or even remove them altogether.. just by doing so you're getting headphone amp performance on the level of CMoy, because CMoy is nothing else then common opamp cirquit with low impedance setting resistor on the output.. all you need is to find those two little resistors and put a blob of solder across them..