[AudioDwebe]

Whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[warrenpchi]

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I don't need her to be accepting of my hobbies, just as I don't need to accept hers.  We have tolerated each other for 27 years...

 
Hahaha, so in your case you guys accept each other despite hobbies?  Since tolerance is a form of acceptance, that also works.  Bit less shared harmony perhaps, but I can see where that would totally work.
 
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Problem is, I'm the only one making a scraping by and shes going to be in med school for the next 8-10 years or how ever long med school is. To you it's immature, but we aren't 25 year olds.

 
Well let's be fair about this, I'm not saying that whatever financial arrangement you have going on is immature.  I'm simply saying that attempting to control (or even coerce) another person (outside of parenting or caretaking) is immature.  I would think that if it seriously bothered her, she would be rational and try to talk to you about it in an attempt to understand the situation better.  Or she can go with the "you're nuts" route.  But that whole NO NEW HEADPHONES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE jazz is seriously not funny. 

 
 
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Another problem is she doesn't do anything else other than school. It's how her parents raised her. So I can't say,"You get clothes, shoes, etc and I get headphones". The only thing she does is school (and some sports when shes not studying).

 
But... just because she was brought up that way, and chooses to live that way, doesn't necessarily give her the right to expect you to live a monastic lifestyle right?  I think that if she were to take a step back, she'd realize that in many ways, headphones are a good hobby.  If you have a decent home rig, she at least knows that in your spare time you'll be listening at home instead of chasin' skanks with the homies. 

 
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Haha, this thread isn't about me, it's about anyone and seeing how they approach this too common problem.

 
Oh okay.  Well in that case I echo those who have said - more or less - that audiophile conversions are few and far between (so it's probably not gonna happen). 

 

[billybob_jcv]

Quote:

 
Hahaha, so in your case you guys accept each other despite hobbies?  Since tolerance is a form of acceptance, that also works.  Bit less shared harmony perhaps, but I can see where that would totally work.
 
 

 
After 27 years with each other and your kids, you will both learn that "shared harmony" is not nearly as good as "alone time"...

 

[Magick Man]

So how is she accepting of your audio hobby?  From what you've stated, seems all you did was get her to accept how some audio gear looks. 

It's nice that you're able to have a mancave and consider the Wilsons but that seems rather irrelevant to the OP's issues. 

I think I can see why you had relationship issues. Try including your spouse as a friend, instead of treating her like a hurdle that you need to clear to get what you want. Maybe find a way to combine some of her interests and hobbies with yours, like I did by getting her input on decor. That doesn't mean it'll all go your way, but in what real partnership does that ever happen anyway?

 

[AudioDwebe]

I think I can see why you had relationship issues. Try including your spouse as a friend, instead of treating her like a hurdle that you need to clear to get what you want. Maybe find a way to combine some of her interests and hobbies with yours, like I did by getting her input on decor. That doesn't mean it'll all go your way, but in what real partnership does that ever happen anyway?

Huh?!?

All I can do is laugh.

Ummmm.....okay.

 

[Quest88]

Maybe you can think about positively. If your gf was really into music/hifi, would it really be good for you?
 
My gf has more discerning ears than mine, and always made jabs at asking me to buy her new headphones or amps when she hears a good set..
Whenever she is not satisfied with my main hifi setup, she wouldn't hesitate to let me know how bad it sounded.. and this makes me feel like to upgrade.
 
Net result = I have spent more money than I probably should have on my system.
Gain = with her help, my system has never sounded better. we both enjoy listening together sometimes, and discussing the music rather than the system now.
 
So while I can bring home a $10k pair of cable and she won't flip out like most people's gf/wives will, she may be the one to tell me to buy it.... this has happened before.
 
The other bad side-effect is that sometimes I feel bad I spend so much on hifi that I buy her something from Chanel, so the expense increases. I ever asked her if I were to consider buying her a Birkin whether she would prefer a speaker instead, and she answered speakers, but wasn't sure if she was just trying to make me happy. haha

 

[warrenpchi]

Quote:

Net result = I have spent more money than I probably should have on my system.
Gain = with her help, my system has never sounded better. we both enjoy listening together sometimes, and discussing the music rather than the system now.

 
I'm sorry, I don't mean to ask a stupid question - but what exactly is the negative in that scenario? 

 

[Pingupenguins]

Quote:

Maybe you can think about positively. If your gf was really into music/hifi, would it really be good for you?
 
My gf has more discerning ears than mine, and always made jabs at asking me to buy her new headphones or amps when she hears a good set..
Whenever she is not satisfied with my main hifi setup, she wouldn't hesitate to let me know how bad it sounded.. and this makes me feel like to upgrade.
 
Net result = I have spent more money than I probably should have on my system.
Gain = with her help, my system has never sounded better. we both enjoy listening together sometimes, and discussing the music rather than the system now.
 
So while I can bring home a $10k pair of cable and she won't flip out like most people's gf/wives will, she may be the one to tell me to buy it.... this has happened before.
 
The other bad side-effect is that sometimes I feel bad I spend so much on hifi that I buy her something from Chanel, so the expense increases. I ever asked her if I were to consider buying her a Birkin whether she would prefer a speaker instead, and she answered speakers, but wasn't sure if she was just trying to make me happy. haha

 
 
IMO, that sounds pretty cool. You should have her chip in if she doesn't like the rig though. I don't think it's your fault and your problem if the rig isn't "up to par" of her standards. This is of course if she works and hauls in money as well.

 

[MorbidToaster]

This is what I'm desperately trying to get my girlfriend to do. 
 
She is nice enough to usually buy my food, so that helps...but she knows that (among other things) my gear and music make me happy. Whether she gets it or not she supports my happiness.
 
Quote:

 
 
IMO, that sounds pretty cool. You should have her chip in if she doesn't like the rig though. I don't think it's your fault and your problem if the rig isn't "up to par" of her standards. This is of course if she works and hauls in money as well.

 

[Quest88]

Quote:

IMO, that sounds pretty cool. You should have her chip in if she doesn't like the rig though. I don't think it's your fault and your problem if the rig isn't "up to par" of her standards. This is of course if she works and hauls in money as well.

 
Yup it's not entirely my fault, but you can't help feeling responsible right?
It's not that the performance is no good, it's the overall balance of the setup. IMO speaker setups are harder to get right than head-fi mainly due to the influence of room and resultant requirements.

I think it's already good to have her appreciate hifi.. it's tough to get her to chip in as the items are expensive relative to her salary.
That would be the ideal of course.
 
Quote:

I'm sorry, I don't mean to ask a stupid question - but what exactly is the negative in that scenario? 

 
The part about spending more, and having to hear negative comments if your sound has an issue.

 

[warrenpchi]

Quote:

Quote:

I'm sorry, I don't mean to ask a stupid question - but what exactly is the negative in that scenario? 

 
The part about spending more, and having to hear negative comments if your sound has an issue.

 
Um yeah, still not getting it. 

  If you ever get to thinking those are really bad, try buying less gear.  That is its own flavor of hell I assure you.

 

[Quest88]

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Um yeah, still not getting it. 

  If you ever get to thinking those are really bad, try buying less gear.  That is its own flavor of hell I assure you.

 
That's a good point. I've never been nagged not to buy anything before.
 
I guess things will be different if I were married, but can't see why your partner will try to limit you on your purchases if they are within your financial limits, especially if she buys stuff as well!

 

[Magick Man]

Huh?!?
All I can do is laugh.

More's the pity.

 

[miskatonic grad]

I feel embarrassed to tell you ... but I will. My significant other is even more into music than I am. The idea that we were not going to have a good audio system just isn't one that exists in this universe. I save way more money than I spend each month. The main system is stable, when it changes it is a big upgrade, this helps justify the money spent enormously. If we need money for something serious my audio purchases step back. Also I don't smoke or drink which means this counts as a vice. I am compulsive and my partner knows this.
 
But the real clincher. About 8 years ago we had a major stereo malfunction. After living with me for a week with a jury rigged system there was never any doubt, within a week we had auditioned all the significant budget audiophile gear an amp was already en-route from Audiogon and a CD player and speakers were waiting in the living room for it to arrive. My connection to music is so visceral and intense that I quite literally don't think I can live without it. There was no acting, no feeble pleading, no justification, no argument, just crap sounding music that we knew should sound better and a level of misery and depression so deeply felt by me that it made both our lives horrible. Because my significant other observed this in the real world the debate has never been necessary.
 
That is it. My love of music runs deep, music effects the core of my existence, I can literally be lifted from depression by good music, having seen this I have never been questioned on why, only on how much we should spend (debt for audio is the idiot mode of good sound), and I'm not going to drop a mortgage because for that kind of money I could attend the BSO for life.
 
How important is music to you, do you love it or are you really a gear head?

 

[warrenpchi]

Quote:

How important is music to you, do you love it or are you really a gear head?

 
Absolutely integral in ways I can't adequately articulate, and because of that I am a gear head.