OK! You want a critique of your writing style, and I will do it for you.
I suspect that English is your 2nd language. Am I right? Let me know. Well, English is my 2nd language also since my 1st language is Spanish.
In general, your writing is excellent! The only problem you have is this: Your sentences are too long! Instead, you must discipline yourself to write sentences that are 12 to 16 words long. When you write a long sentence, you should split it up into two sentences. This correction makes your writing much more "readable" and clear.
To further improve your writing, I suggest that your read Rudolf Flesch's books on writing. Flesch wrote his books in the late 1940s, and they are still bestsellers in the 1990s. This is amazing! Now, if you read Time and Newsweek magazines, you will see how the Flesch writing system works. Virtually all professional writers today use the Flesch system to gain clarity, readability and writing speed.
I am a graduate of Columbia University in NYC, the world's leader in Nobel Prizes with 65! At this world class university, the late Rudolf Flesch, PhD, is still held in very high esteem. Why? Well, he was the finest teacher ever to teach at Columbia's Teachers College! Thus, you can't take writing courses at Columbia, without learning about the Flesh style of writing. It is that important!
Remember, Columbia is the home of the most famous US writing prize: The Pulitzer Prize! In my mind, I can easily see the connection between the Flesh writing system and the Pulitzer Prize. I mean, you can't get a Pulitzer Prize without using Dr Flesch's writing system. It is that simple!
http://www.pulitzer.org/
Which Flesch book to get first? I suggest that you buy Flesch's The Classic Guide to Better Writing. This particular book is celebrating its 50th anniversary with a new edition. It has been a bestseller since 1947! I would also get Flesch's The Art of Readable Writing. It is now out of print, but it is an excellent book also.
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/boo...sbn=0062730487
A good place to buy used books online, is ABE Books. In my last search at ABE, I came up with 918 used books by Dr Flesch...
http://www.abebooks.com
US Department of Defense (DoD)...
All the branches of the DoD use the Flesch style of writing to achieve writing clarity and reader comprehension. This is particularly important with regards to the manuals of nuclear weapons. You simply do NOT want people to make mistakes in that area.
Flesch Writing Style Software...
I know of at least 5 Flesch writing style software packages. You use these programs to correct your writing. The one I use is named Right Writer. It acts like a Flesch editor, correcting what I write in accordance with Dr Flesch formula for readable writing. To find info on these Flesch software programs, do a Google.com search with: "Rudolf Flesch."
Review of Flesch Writing Style Software...
http://corax.cwrl.utexas.edu/cac/arc...Mortenson.html
Results...
After you learn Dr Flesch system, you will notice that you can write faster and with greater clarity. What happened? Well, your writing becomes less laborious and difficult. Instead, you write with great ease. You go from difficult writing to easy writing. It is, indeed, a joy!
English as a 2nd language...
If English is NOT your first language, the Flesch writing system is highly recommended. It is very, very helpful. The reason for this is the emphasis on short, easy sentences.
Good luck with this information!
Take a couple writing courses or something. Better to let the pros do the offending.
