heh. don't worry about your age. I just made that comment cos' I was feeling old.
In terms of your experiences, don't let it cloud what you want to do in life, don't let it stop you. Take walking into Jaben as a stepping stone, or do something even smaller. Challenge yourself. There are bad people in this world, but that doesn't mean everyone is a bad person. There are good people too. I believe everyone is good, everyone is nice. It's just who they choose to be nice to, that's the difference.
I cannot claim in any way to know what you have or are going through because I'm not you and I haven't been through it. We've all had bad times in our lives, but the sooner we tell ourselves to move on, the sooner the sun is gonna start shining. Speak to some of your friends about this and if they really are your friends or even family members, I'm sure they'd be willing to go with you.
I know how you feel about being left outside of the group, but it's partially cos' you have that fear in you. The moment you step outside of your shell and try a little something different, you might find that things aren't as gloomy as it sounds. I'm an international student where I am and there are hardly any international students in the course I'm doing. No one really knows me 'cept to get notes, but it doesn't bother me. I made the choice not to be that sociable. But I know that when I try to put myself out there, I bridge that gap. Sometimes, it requires effort on our part.
If music is your escape, like it is mine, use it to your advantage. Know that to get to that music, to that goal, you have to take a visit to Jaben. It might be frightening to you, and partially cos of your experiences, it's instilled some fear in you, but you have to overcome that. You've taken a step joining this forum which is dominated by the male gender, and you've taken a further step to talk about your fears. Sometimes it helps to be careful what you divulge, but I think we all here, if I could say, want you to be happy and want you to experience what you want to experience and at the same time, overcome your fears.
Don't look down, don't have too much dissonance in your mind, we could never undo what has been in the past, but it's a new day tomorrow, it's your life and the choice is yours. Tell yourself what you want, what makes you happy and go for it.
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