SPEEDYJ
New Head-Fier
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2001
- Posts
- 13
- Likes
- 0
I picked this up on another BB and it made me spit beer all over my laptop.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for
cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously
considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to
provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify
these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as
you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday
sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes
listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to
look at your helpful website?. how?
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity
at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place
some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -such as a drill-bit, and
his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls
(actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived? A total of six weeks after I had requested it,
and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%? these are usually the hours between
about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting
for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and
have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled
b#ll#ck jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no
telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who
knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing
me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line
is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers
to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care,
it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending
hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were sh#t, that they had attained the holy p#ss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive
to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what
a useless shower of b#st#rds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum -incompetents of the
highest order. British Telecom - w#nk#rs though they are shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy
puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from
you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be
greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and
even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter
and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable
disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very
embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly
unhelpful bunch of twats,
Yours psychotically,
Xxxx Xxxxxxx
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for
cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously
considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to
provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify
these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as
you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday
sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes
listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to
look at your helpful website?. how?
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity
at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place
some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -such as a drill-bit, and
his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls
(actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived? A total of six weeks after I had requested it,
and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%? these are usually the hours between
about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting
for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and
have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled
b#ll#ck jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no
telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who
knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing
me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line
is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers
to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care,
it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending
hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were sh#t, that they had attained the holy p#ss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive
to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what
a useless shower of b#st#rds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum -incompetents of the
highest order. British Telecom - w#nk#rs though they are shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy
puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from
you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be
greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and
even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter
and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable
disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very
embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly
unhelpful bunch of twats,
Yours psychotically,
Xxxx Xxxxxxx
