I agree with you Sterlingy.
Life is a preventative action against death, it's a bit harsh for me to refer to it as a FIGHT. But even what you describe yourself feeling sounds like a fight to me. I had a couple long battles with depression when I was in my junior and senior years of High School but I never took drugs for it. the best thing that happened for it was findign something to do that I liked, which hapened to be computers. But even now computers don't fullfill, they just give mild fulfillment. The only trully fulfilling thing I have ever had was love, and having that I can say I can die happy. Lot's of people get that lonely feeling on runs, you've been running and the endorphins start flowing and you stop running and start floating and then suddenly you've stopped altogether and you look around and realize how incredible it is that you even live. And then you really feel lonely because you didn't have someone to share it with.
What I was trying to say about living life is basically what you said, you don't have to go out and "really live life" to live it to it's fullest. The reasons for living life to it's fullest are all around us, and I still reference thoreau even though many disregard him these days. He isolated himself in the woods for a couple years and wrote, amongst other things, about ants. In ants he found reasons for life, in fact, in ants he found more reasons for life than anyone could find in a Ferrari Testarosa, or the worlds best record player. Because in a Ferrari their is nothing but the accomplishments of man, and of man one can only assume that he meant nothing by making this car other than to make it a car. And the same can be said of a record player, it is just a machine that spins vinyl, it was meant to spin vinyl, and while this one may be absolutely unique in it's ability to spin vinyl there is no metaphor surrounding it, just the concept that someone who knew what they were doing it contructed it with an amount of care APPROACHING the sublime level of art.
Art is a purposefull metaphor IMO. However Art does not fulfill the same role as the ants. But in order to avoid going offtopic and boring people and no one reads this anyways Ill jsut save my fingers some work and continue towarss the end of this post.
The reason I despise that statement so much is because in modern society it seems like everytime I hear that statement I turn and look only to find that its some 27 year divorced mom of two doing jazzercise at the local fitness club. And shes talking about how she was so depressed blah blah blah but now shes happy she has jazzercise and shes hoping to find a daddy for her kids. Well ****ing great but what makes her think thats living life to its fullest??? How about spending evenings with your kids instead of jazzercising all day long so you can find some hunk to bone your horny ass?? The whole point of death IMO is to point out to human beings that no matter what you do IN LIFE, you can never live a life FULLER than someone else. Because the assurance of death equalizes the accomplishments of all in the objective eyes of God. So all men are born, live, and die, as equals. But only in the objective eyes of God. Human kind because of our inability to comprehend the entire scope of things in the universe have assigned our own meager values to our own meager accomplishments, and thus divided and seperated what was once an equal group into an unequal group of pathetic self absorbed blind idiots, like me, who on some level, like me, live each day busting ass in front of a computer in hopes that I can land a job, live comfortably and listen to music for the rest of my life. And for some reason I want that existence instead of another EQUAL but in my mind insignificant existence. And i can concieve of this higher level of existence but cannot actually bring it about.
Even if I agreed with public opinion, it most likely isn't something that would change my life in any way. If it doesn't concern me (including morals), I'm not going to waste my time on it. I just do not have a social temperance. I see myself as sort of an outlaw, I don't conform to popular views/ideas or ways. I don't do surveys either.
