Although I have never actually listened to the album in question, I can nonetheless say that, in all honesty, Von Hooberspunk's latest masterpiece is nothing short of an auditory epiphany guaranteed to cause premature earjacualtions all over the world - and probably in other worlds too.
Right from the moment you excitedly rip off the offering's clear plastic covering, the Man Musk of Herr Hasslebonk squirts from the CD case and promptly assaults your senses with a seductive smack on the nose.
Next in the firing line of Hasselbladderfunktrumpet's animal magnetism are you eyes. Straining on their stalks as they are pulled irresistibly into Daveyboy's deep, deep, blue, smouldering squint, once you've passed the Event Horizon of your lips touching his majestic image, there's no escape from his bottomless Black Hole of soul - not that any sane person would want to escape, of course.
At this point, some may feel an overwhelming compulsion to light up a cigarette and bask in the afterglow, but if you manage to stave off this temptation, then endless eargasms await.
Popping the CD into even the most basic of stereos and hitting PLAY results in something words cannot convey. Imagine, if you will, inflating a donkey's stomach with compressed marsh gas until no more will go in, telling the beast a really funny joke and then whacking its stomach with a stuffed ferret as it begins to bray with laughter... well, let me tell you that the smooth earcandy cascade that erupts from the larynx of Hoffellhassenduffelcoat is even better.
No, really!
It could have just been me, but when those speakerboxxes started vibrating to Hummervonsnitzengruben's vocal Viagra, I could have sworn that I saw the man himself projected onto my table (like Princess Leia in Star Wars), thrusting his leather-clad snake hips in my direction and anointing me with a shower of salty (yet sweet) sweat from his glistening chest rug.
And the story just kept on getting even better*...
One track from The Master is more than I deserve, so imagine the rapture I experienced upon discovering another 17!
Rather than give and in-depth review of each, I've simply put in brackets all that need be said.
1. Looking for Freedom (no siree, not me Mr Hobgoblindumkopfft, not now I'm a prisoner of your love)
2. Wir Zwei Allein (I don't know 'where the alien is', but I certainly feel like I've been abducted to a higher plane of existence)
3. Crazy for You (I feel the same. Only I'm even crazier)
4. Do the Limbo Dance (I'll get lower than a snake's belly for you, baby)
5. Flying on the Wings of Tenderness (KFC by candlelight... how romantic)
6. Hot Shot City (I'm surprised no one has mentioned it before, but this track is particularly good!)
7. Save the World (I'll buy, then eat my newly bought hat if it doesn't)
8. These Lovein' Eyes ( ... make me want to have a 'love-in' with you)
9. Du (.. you love me? Course I 'du!')
10. Fallin' in Love (... only to be caught in your muscly arms)
11. Is Everybody Happy (... when they think of you, not to mention when they discover there are another 7 tracks to go!)
12. Best Is Yet to Come (this refers to track 6, which was actually meant to be track 18)
13. Freedom for the World ( He really does set you free)
14. Je T'Aime Means I Love You (proof, if any were needed, that He no just speak Americanos, but other sexy languages, such as Russian, too)
15. Do You Believe in Love (I do now!)
16. Danice Dance d'Amour (another Love Mantra specially written in Hasselbonkeeze)
17. Everybody Sunshine (he'll brighten up you day like a supernova going off in your undercrackers)
18. I Believe (... I'll have to hit REPEAT again).
*Particularly track 6. |
