You do realize how much you are accrediting these headphones, right? That's not to say they're not for you, but in technical terms, they're a very good set of headphones. There may be a lower midrange hump which you don't like because it can make sound signature sound 'vocal-recessed.' But everything else you said about them is actually a good thing, LOL

Wow... just, wow...

First time i got my Sennheiser HD560 Ovation II the detail i was achieving was mindblowing. I was finding myself concentrating in the individual instruments and the overall position of each instrument in the soundstage. So i was not focusing on the music itself. 
So i do understand your initial frustration. Give a little time to it, things will get better. Your brain will adjust to the "new way" of listening to music.

This is a review I'd expect to see on Newegg lol.
 
1) Where did you even pay 270 bucks for these? They haven't been over 200 dollars for a few years now unless you actually payed MRSP on it.
 
2) Why are you even using headphones this nice on something out of a laptop and a phone? First off phones don't come with any sort of decent amp or sound chip. 2nd, laptops also have generic noisy and junky audio chips in them outside a very select few.
 
You buy equipment to match your source. It's like buying these to listen to 128kbp MP3 files.