[Hiker816]

My impressions thread is nowhere near as riveting as this one lol

LOL!

 

[Whazzzup]

Had to come back, and see what I posted. Scotch induced amnesia, looks pretty tame. Thank goodness

 

[Ciggavelli]

Well, I fell off the wagon 2 days ago. I might need to go someplace. The thing is, I just a better person when I'm drunk.

I need some professional help probably. Anxiety is a b!tch. I don't want to fukc with the benzos, even though they work really well. I had to get professionally detoxed from klonopin like 7 years ago (along with alcohol). The benzo withdrawal was the worst thing ever. I'll never take them again. It took me 6 months to get back to normal. I've withdrawn from benzos, opiates and alcohol, and benzos are the absolute worst. I had mini-seizures for like 6 months. That crap is dangerous. I wasn't even abusing it either, but I was on a very high dose because over time you need more.

Basically, I don't know what the solution is. Being sober for 5 years ruined my fukcing life. I just isolated. I drink and I have friends again and a great girlfriend. There's got to be a different solution though, or I'm just gonna be miserable being sober again. Sobriety literally ruined my life. I made more money, of course, because all I focused in on was making money. But, that's no way to live. I tried the rehab sh!t 7 years ago. Did the 3 month sh!t, but it just made me miserable. Like I was just waiting it out until I die. It's such a bad way to live. I don't know if there is a solution. At least there's music to help out . I'm not the first person to experience this after all. Negative music really helps out with this sh!t.

 

[Hiker816]

I'm no psychiatrist, but I don't think the alcohol makes you a better person. I bet the drugs and alcohol are just masking the underlying problems, not helping them at all. I think you're on the right track--you should detox and get professional help to actually fix the underlying problems. That will undoubtedly be harder and take longer than masking them with alcohol, but I think it'll be worth it. And you will still have music to help get you through! I think your GF and friends will stick by to support you. If they don't, you can do better anyway. Fix the underlying problems and I bet you can be sober without being isolated. Reach out if you need anything!

 

[Ciggavelli]

I'm no psychiatrist, but I don't think the alcohol makes you a better person. I bet the drugs and alcohol are just masking the underlying problems, not helping them at all. I think you're on the right track--you should detox and get professional help to actually fix the underlying problems. That will undoubtedly be harder and take longer than masking them with alcohol, but I think it'll be worth it. And you will still have music to help get you through! I think your GF and friends will stick by to support you. If they don't, you can do better anyway. Fix the underlying problems and I bet you can be sober without being isolated. Reach out if you need anything!

Yeah, I might need to just bite the bullet and do the 3 month thing again. We'll see how tomorrow goes. My problem is I'm a thinker and a negative one at that. All I can see are the negatives. It makes me great at my job (luckily I found a job were being super negative is seen as a positive. UX Research). But always thinking is a bad thing. Like I discovered the secrets of the universe, but once you learn that sh!t it just leads to nihilism. I drink and I think less. I'm more fun and spontaneous. It takes away that layer of anxiety. But, it's not a viable long term solution. I realize that; I just wonder if there is another solution. I don't know if there is. I did the completely sober life for 5 years. I was miserable. I don't know if sobriety is the answer. I'm in a bad space, honestly. I don't know what to do.

 

[psy472]

Yeah, I might need to just bite the bullet and do the 3 month thing again. We'll see how tomorrow goes. My problem is I'm a thinker and a negative one at that. All I can see are the negatives. It makes me great at my job (luckily I found a job were being super negative is seen as a positive. UX Research). But always thinking is a bad thing. Like I discovered the secrets of the universe, but once you learn that sh!t it just leads to nihilism. I drink and I think less. I'm more fun and spontaneous. It takes away that layer of anxiety. But, it's not a viable long term solution. I realize that; I just wonder if there is another solution. I don't know if there is. I did the completely sober life for 5 years. I was miserable. I don't know if sobriety is the answer. I'm in a bad space, honestly. I don't know what to do.

You sound like you need a mood stabilizer and some ketamine. Alcohol, marijuana, and benzos are fast acting brain receptor suppressants, aka quick-acting mood stabilizers. They are also habit forming so withdrawal is bad. Go in for detox man. Come out a better person.

Mood stabilizer is also known as anti seizure meds or antipsychotics. They keep changing the name because most mood stabilizers and seizure meds are now generic. Changing the names allow them to charge more money and keeping it brand.

 

[Philimon]

I need some professional help probably.

What are you waiting for? Feel better now and change your life. win/win and avoid more suffering

I have such angst. I also love negative schiit: music, movies, books, etc. I relate to the negative feels, maybe experience some catharsis, but also gives me perspective to better appreciate my better situation.

I take SSRIs (zoloft / sertraline) and they work well for my anxiety which was also my source for depression. Important to combine meds with scientific techniques like Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) so can understand the why and have a practical strategy.

 

[Ciggavelli]

What are you waiting for? Feel better now and change your life. win/win and avoid more suffering

I have such angst. I also love negative schiit: music, movies, books, etc. I relate to the negative feels, maybe experience some catharsis, but also gives me perspective to better appreciate my better situation.

I take SSRIs (zoloft / sertraline) and they work well for my anxiety which was also my source for depression. Important to combine meds with scientific techniques like Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) so can understand the why and have a practical strategy.

It's just too inconvenient for my life at the moment. I'll probably do that outpatient one, at minimum.

I take a ton of meds for my bi-polar sh!t. I found a good combo, well at least good up to about 7 months ago. I don't have manic episodes much at all, but the depression still comes from time to time. They have me on some serious meds. Like super serious. Most people would be zombies off my sh!t, but I can handle it.

The negative thing has become like a habit for me. I'm always so negative. I'm so negative that I don't even know if being positive would be worthwhile. You can learn a lot about life and things when you are negative. Still, it's gonna kill me. I need a change. I'll be listening to the Dead and Phish....lol.

 

[Philimon]

Mood stabilizer is also known as anti seizure meds or antipsychotics.

Ive had epilepsy since teen. I felt the meds did help stabilize mood as a side effect but not enough to feel okay. I finally sought help in my late twenties out of necessity. I encourage not to wait and suffer needlessly, there is help already waiting for you.

Old epilepsy medicines wreck your liver. New schiit does not but dont know if still possibly assists with bipolar. I felt I had a little more energy after switching to new stuff ago but couldve been placebo.

It's just too inconvenient for my life at the moment. I'll probably do that outpatient one, at minimum.

Ive only spoken with my primary physician who helped with trialing medications and general health. Therapy techniques I researched on my own as I did not want to talk with a pro because I am cynical like you.

ACT is (was 10years ago) most evolved form of cognitive behavioral therapy. Intriguingly was developed by a professor at my Uni. The basic premise is that we are animals not evolved for current human society so we must manage emotions that are not appropriate for stimulus in our current contexts. Manage and benefit.

 

[Philimon]

You can learn a lot about life and things when you are negative.

Skepticism is the way of science. Cynicism is when you are unrealisticly negative which is obviously detrimental to happiness (crazy!).

Also like you, besides artistic expressions of negative emotions, I also enjoy reading about negative events because I am “conspiracy theorist” aka truth seeker. Try Chomsky.

ACT, a short and sweet description written by the man himself.:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244259?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

 

[psy472]

Ive had epilepsy since teen. I felt the meds did help stabilize mood as a side effect but not enough to feel okay. I finally sought help in my late twenties out of necessity. I encourage not to wait and suffer needlessly, there is help already waiting for you.

Old epilepsy medicines wreck your liver. New schiit does not but dont know if still possibly assists with bipolar. I felt I had a little more energy after switching to new stuff ago but couldve been placebo.


Ive only spoken with my primary physician who helped with trialing medications and general health. Therapy techniques I researched on my own as I did not want to talk with a pro because I am cynical like you.

ACT is (was 10years ago) most evolved form of cognitive behavioral therapy. Intriguingly was developed by a professor at my Uni. The basic premise is that we are animals not evolved for current human society so we must manage emotions that are not appropriate for stimulus in our current contexts. Manage and benefit.

New stuff is great. Much less side effects like weight gain and liver problems. They have ones that’s a pill like Latuda that’s every day or if you hate taking pills there is a shot every 3 months called Invega.

 

[chesebert]

 

[Ciggavelli]

What are you waiting for? Feel better now and change your life. win/win and avoid more suffering

I have such angst. I also love negative schiit: music, movies, books, etc. I relate to the negative feels, maybe experience some catharsis, but also gives me perspective to better appreciate my better situation.

I take SSRIs (zoloft / sertraline) and they work well for my anxiety which was also my source for depression. Important to combine meds with scientific techniques like Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) so can understand the why and have a practical strategy.

I'm just waiting a bit because I'm not "there" yet with complete abstinence. Something needs to change, and maybe it's my negativity. I have a strong past with negativity. It is what helped me through the bad times (and, I've had many, unfortunately).

I think it's gonna take a real big shift in me to accept positivity. I may need to do it though. I'm so negative that when I go in to a church (which is very rare, because I'm not religious) I feel weird. I feel that the church is evil. I'm so opposed to positivity at the moment that me and church don't mix at all. I hate overly positive music. I hate positivity. I find beauty in the negative. I find solace in the negative. I feel it is no worse of a way to think than the positive alternative. But, it's led to alcoholism and drug addiction. Maybe it's not the right way. Or, perhaps, there is a happy medium somewhere.

I just have a problem with negativity, I guess. But how do you get over that, when it's been with you for 20+ years? My whole life is negative, from my work to my personal thinking. It's gonna be a big change. I'm with my girlfriend and I feel positivity though, and I like it. But does that have to mean I need to get rid of all of negativity? I lived a completely solitary life and just made money. I don't want to go back to that. Is positivity the answer? I dunno, it just really freaks me out a bit. My identity and life are negative. Seeing the positive scares me. In my position, the positive side are the bad guys. It's a different way of thinking, and everybody I know that has this way of thinking has a bad life. It's probably not the way. I just don't want to be a mindless drone seeking happiness at all costs. That sounds terrible. I want to still be smart, which I think is sometimes not possible with happy people, because they are so biased. I want to be still good at my job because negativity is a positive in that space. I don't know; I can't emphasize how BIG of a change it would be for me.

 

[number1sixerfan]

I don't have anything valuable to add, but did want to say that I'm rooting for you man.

 

[psy472]

I'm just waiting a bit because I'm not "there" yet with complete abstinence. Something needs to change, and maybe it's my negativity. I have a strong past with negativity. It is what helped me through the bad times (and, I've had many, unfortunately).

I think it's gonna take a real big shift in me to accept positivity. I may need to do it though. I'm so negative that when I go in to a church (which is very rare, because I'm not religious) I feel weird. I feel that the church is evil. I'm so opposed to positivity at the moment that me and church don't mix at all. I hate overly positive music. I hate positivity. I find beauty in the negative. I find solace in the negative. I feel it is no worse of a way to think than the positive alternative. But, it's led to alcoholism and drug addiction. Maybe it's not the right way. Or, perhaps, there is a happy medium somewhere.

I just have a problem with negativity, I guess. But how do you get over that, when it's been with you for 20+ years? My whole life is negative, from my work to my personal thinking. It's gonna be a big change. I'm with my girlfriend and I feel positivity though, and I like it. But does that have to mean I need to get rid of all of negativity? I lived a completely solitary life and just made money. I don't want to go back to that. Is positivity the answer? I dunno, it just really freaks me out a bit. My identity and life are negative. Seeing the positive scares me. In my position, the positive side are the bad guys. It's a different way of thinking, and everybody I know that has this way of thinking has a bad life. It's probably not the way. I just don't want to be a mindless drone seeking happiness at all costs. That sounds terrible. I want to still be smart, which I think is sometimes not possible with happy people, because they are so biased. I want to be still good at my job because negativity is a positive in that space. I don't know; I can't emphasize how BIG of a change it would be for me.

I believe you are confusing being critical with being negative. Being critical means you are good at any job. You don’t slack off. It’s a personal philosophy.

Being negative is an emotional state of mind that clouds your judgment and ruins your life. And like any state of mind it changes constantly so you can never be satisfied.

The best way to change is to first identify and recognize your weakness and strengths. Fix the weakness and bolster your strength. You should know how it goes since you do it everyday at work.

Example: look at John Wick. The dude isn’t a murder hobo psychopath. He’s just very focused and mission driven but his job ended up being assassin. Your job doesn’t define you. So your “negativity” isn’t necessary for the job. It’s more likely being around a negative environment made you more miserable.