Your Favorite Simpsons Quote
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:18 AM Thread Starter Post #1 of 82

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Headphoneus Supremus
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I'll assume 99% of you know where these are from:

#1. "If you ask me, humankind has freedom, a freedom fraught with paradoxes. Freud shows how childhood shapes our subconscious mind but this helps us to think for ourselves."

#2. "I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church, or synagogue."

#3. "Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies."
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:27 AM Post #2 of 82
"Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all."

"Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys"

Homer: Well, it's like the time that your cat Snowball got run over.
Lisa: Uh huh.
Homer: Remember, honey?
Lisa: Yeah.
Homer: What I'm saying is, all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazzman.

"Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun"
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:31 AM Post #3 of 82
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

ralphnose.jpg
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:45 AM Post #5 of 82
Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No.
[buzz]
Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.
[ding]
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
Moe: A date.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Moe: Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
[buzz]
Moe: Sears catalog.
[ding]
Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
[buzz]

moe.jpg
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:51 AM Post #7 of 82
I love that jazzman quote from the Bleeding Gums ep. There are SOOO many great quotes, and this is what truly separates The Simpsons from Family Guy in terms of classic status.

Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer : New glasses?
Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer : Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge : I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer : Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge : That's not what I meant.
Homer : Admit it Marge, it was.

and one of my favorite scenes:

Shopkeeper : I must warn you the doll is cursed.
Homer : That's bad.
Homer :But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer : That's good.
Shopkeeper : The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer :That's bad!
Shopkeeper : But it comes with a free choice of toppings!
Homer : That's good!
Shopkeeper : The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer : Can I go now?

Comic Book Guy : That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore.

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Seriously though, you could probably go on for hours and hours.
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:54 AM Post #8 of 82
Bart: Mom, you won't believe this, but something you said the other day really got through to me. And now, I'm going to teach some kid a lesson.
(Bart leaves the house)
Marge: I choose to take that literally.
Bart: (yelling from outside) Death to Shelbyville!
Homer: (raising his beer) Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son. Tute on!

(Later on.....)

Marge: It's almost lunch time, do you know where your brother is tutoring?
Lisa: Tutoring? The only thing Bart is teaching is guerilla combat in Shelbyville.
Marge: You have a number where we can reach him?
Lisa: No, Mom, Bart and some kids ran off to wage war on Shelbyville!
Marge: (gasps) Homer, come quick! Bart's left his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!

(another part in the same episode)
Bart: Rocky 2 plus Rocky V equals Rocky 7: Adrian's Revenge!

Yeah I used to really love the simpsons.
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 4:58 AM Post #10 of 82
Bart : You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. I am going to go out there tonight and give the best performance of my life.

Marge : The best performance of your life?

Bart : The best performance of my life!
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 5:15 AM Post #11 of 82
Kodos: "My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.


Classic. Whenever somebody says "forwards, not backwards," I launch in to the rest of that speech.
 
Oct 7, 2007 at 5:47 AM Post #14 of 82
I use this quote at work to illustrate the stupidity of generating lots or reports to tell management that everything's OK.


(Homer shows off one of his inventions.)
Homer: Now, here's my everything's okay alarm!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: (Shouting) This will sound--
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: --every three seconds--
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: --unless something isn't okay!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Marge: (Shouting) Turn that off, Homer!
(Alarm beeps loudly)
Homer: (Shouting) It can't be turned off!
 

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