Whatever happened to: "Your Welcome?"
May 14, 2007 at 6:14 PM Post #76 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by ken36 /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Aren't there informal laws dictating table manners, social etiquette, and plain old common sense?


Ummm...no...not even in the slightest. You can't really be that naive?

Common sense is clearly a subjective term. A 70 year old's version of common sense is far from a 20 something's. Social etiquette and what dictates common sense is different in every region of the United States, let alone the world. "Good ol' Southern Hospitality" is not something that exists everywhere just because somebody wants it to.

All of this should already be common sense.
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May 15, 2007 at 7:57 PM Post #77 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Edwood /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Instead of just "You're Welcome" I find that giving out a pretzel says so much more.

pretzels.jpg


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-Ed



In germany, you could get arrested for calling those things pretzels. This is what a pretzel looks like, vielen dank.

brezel.jpg

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May 16, 2007 at 12:13 AM Post #78 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by facelvega /img/forum/go_quote.gif
In germany, you could get arrested for calling those things pretzels. This is what a pretzel looks like, vielen dank.

brezel.jpg



Wow! Now *that* is a pretzel.

Really though, when saying "you're welcome" you are clearly indicating to the other party that you have indeed done a service to them, effectively you are very graciously waiving the debt they should in fact repay.

When you say "not a problem" or "it is..." it's a nice a way to lessen or trivialise the formalities of thanking someone, and indicate to them that at no point did you consider that you were going the extra mile to help them.

Still, I think this question of "whatever happened to..." belongs firmly in the 'back when I was young' category. Getting offended or something by such trivialities as commonplace exchanges of courtesy shouldn't be an issue.

But, you never know, I'm 21 now and my views will probably change.
 
May 16, 2007 at 1:47 AM Post #79 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Grammar is not the topic of the thread. The topic of the thread is specifically the decline of the usage of the phrase "you're welcome," ...I find your construct system on manners and language truly bizarre, and I apologize in advance for the very likely possibility that I will never have a clue where you're coming from or what you're talking about.


My apologies - my comments were directed in a couple of directions. I hope you don't mind that I trimmed your quote, but I wanted to bring some things into focus. Like, why do you find my "construct system on manners and language" to be bizarre? I consider good grammar part of manners, though I will admit it is possible to have one without the other. In general however, I find that bad manners and bad grammar/language go together. I also feel embarassed when people who are not native English speakers post here, and their English is better than that of some who appear to be fellow Americans. We have drifted far from the King's English, and even Noah Webster, if he could hear modern American English, might wonder what went wrong. I am well familiar with the English of the past, in its full bloom of development, but our once-great language is in a state of degeneration. Is that a construct system?

Oh, wait: "Churros ain't got shiz on da pretz, yo." That makes me think about a short video on the subject of "That's your brain on American English."

Laz
 
May 16, 2007 at 2:25 PM Post #81 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lazarus Short /img/forum/go_quote.gif
My apologies - my comments were directed in a couple of directions. I hope you don't mind that I trimmed your quote, but I wanted to bring some things into focus. Like, why do you find my "construct system on manners and language" to be bizarre? I consider good grammar part of manners, though I will admit it is possible to have one without the other. In general however, I find that bad manners and bad grammar/language go together. I also feel embarassed when people who are not native English speakers post here, and their English is better than that of some who appear to be fellow Americans. We have drifted far from the King's English, and even Noah Webster, if he could hear modern American English, might wonder what went wrong. I am well familiar with the English of the past, in its full bloom of development, but our once-great language is in a state of degeneration. Is that a construct system?

Oh, wait: "Churros ain't got shiz on da pretz, yo." That makes me think about a short video on the subject of "That's your brain on American English."

Laz



After some good discussion I saw the merit in en480c4's original post, or at least I saw the connection he was making (see below). However, as usual, correlation does not imply not causation; simply because good grammar and traditional manners happen to be on the decline at the same time does not mean they are connected at the hip. I can see the wit in en480c4's statement, but I think with a little investigation it becomes clear that it just wasn't witty enough.

Poor grammar in spoken and written English is something easily measurable, so the notion that it is on the decline, while still a part of your construct system, is probably something most people familiar with well constructed English could agree with. In contrast, as this thread has shown us, manners come down to perception. One person might believe in the almighty "you're welcome" while others prefer to avoid the phrase altogether. In my opinion, the people who subscribe to the "no problem" philosophy have explained their positions much more clearly than the people who automatically assume that manners are on the decline because they don't hear a "you're welcome" in all situations.

What I find bizarre is that you consider good grammar (something relatively quantifiable) a part of good manners (something up to individual perception). If you want to be an advocate for good grammar, I would suggest you keep it as far away from manners as possible. As Western liberalism spreads across the globe human beings will probably continue to place more and more value in the individual, turning widely agreed upon, traditional manners into something of a sinking ship. I say rescue grammar while you can.

While I do not agree that grammar and manners are intrinsically connected, I do see that they probably stem from the same general issue--that is, the individual-over-society mentality that seems to be compounded by the "everyone is entitled to their own opinion" fallacy that it spawned. A part of this is just the natural order: diversity and pursuit of self tends to be encouraged on all fronts in the Western world and is rapidly spreading through the East, so naturally people are going to begin thinking diversely. Bad or good, this is where we are. The other several million tons of the iceberg is a topic far larger than Head-Fi would like to contain, because it's impossible to address without a frank discussion on the history of politics and religion. Suffice it to say, the entire history of humanity has brought us here.

One thing I will mention is that common verbal language prior to the advent of sound recording methods is more or less an unknown. You may be able to analyze formal written correspondence from the 18th century but you probably have no idea how people spoke in everyday life. Since many forms of written Internet communication blur the lines between the written and the spoken, comparing written English on an Internet forum to that of written correspondence of the past and hoping to draw meaningful conclusions from it is probably not valid.

----

Quote:

Originally Posted by en480c4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Somebody made a statement about things not being done the "right" way anymore. I thought it was funny that it was done in a way that illustrates how things are not being done "right" with the English language anymore, especially online. The result was my wise-ass and sarcastic response.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Ah, I like the cut of your angle's jib.


 
May 16, 2007 at 4:28 PM Post #82 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
... the "everyone is entitled to their own opinion" fallacy ...


It would do credit to your stewardship of our language to know that "everyone" is singular and therefore is (or isn't, as the case may be) entitled to "his own opinion" or "her own opinion." If you're particularly conscious of gender sensibilities, or wish to forestall claims of preference, you might even even say that "everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion." But "everyone" cannot be entitled to "their own opinion" unless you mean the collective opinion of some "them" not included in "everyone."

Now, about the use of "you're welcome": the second part of William Safire's column in this past Sunday's Times mused about this very issue:
Quote:

The warm old phrase you’re welcome is rapidly disappearing from the language of civility. Though the word welcome first appeared in “Beowulf,” the O.E.D. notes that the whole phrase surfaced in print in 1907. We have now come to the 100th anniversary of the birth of our acknowledgment of someone’s expression of gratitude.

Hail and farewell. Ever since that avid fan went up to Henry Kissinger and thanked him for saving the world from nuclear disaster, and he replied, “You’re welcome,” the usage of that grand, century-old response has been in free fall. As if decreed by a dictatorial Academie Americaine, the only answer now socially permitted to even the most perfunctory “Thank you” is “Thank you!” The return message is an obsequious “I deserve no thanks at all; you are the one to be thanked for graciously accepting such a meager and unworthy offer of my time, talent and money.” Not even in ancient Japan could you find such insincere bowing and scraping.


Of course, the "acknowledgement of someone's expression of gratitude" has been around longer than our use of "you're welcome" (which can be just as insincerely obsequious as any other phrase). But it is notable that this particular way of saying it it has been around only a century or so. (The citation in the OED is to WW Jacobs's novella Short Cruises; the words are actually "you're quite welcome" and are spoken by a ship's skipper, one of that class of men whose manners are so widely commended.) Perhaps in another century, stodgy old getlemen will be insisting their waiters say "no problem" as they decry the general decline of public decency.

Eric
 
May 16, 2007 at 5:22 PM Post #83 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by kerelybonto /img/forum/go_quote.gif
It would do credit to your stewardship of our language to know that "everyone" is singular and therefore is (or isn't, as the case may be) entitled to "his own opinion" or "her own opinion." If you're particularly conscious of gender sensibilities, or wish to forestall claims of preference, you might even even say that "everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion." But "everyone" cannot be entitled to "their own opinion" unless you mean the collective opinion of some "them" not included in "everyone."

Now, about the use of "you're welcome": the second part of William Safire's column in this past Sunday's Times mused about this very issue:


Of course, the "acknowledgement of someone's expression of gratitude" has been around longer than our use of "you're welcome" (which can be just as insincerely obsequious as any other phrase). But it is notable that this particular way of saying it it has been around only a century or so. (The citation in the OED is to WW Jacobs's novella Short Cruises; the words are actually "you're quite welcome" and are spoken by a ship's skipper, one of that class of men whose manners are so widely commended.) Perhaps in another century, stodgy old getlemen will be insisting their waiters say "no problem" as they decry the general decline of public decency.

Eric



Most eloquently put.
 
May 16, 2007 at 5:55 PM Post #84 of 107
if you are going to be civil, be civil to the hilt: i usually reply to a "thank you" with "you are very welcome, sir/ma'am/my friend", with a smile and looking right in their eyes so they know i am sincere.
 
May 16, 2007 at 6:05 PM Post #85 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by kerelybonto /img/forum/go_quote.gif
It would do credit to your stewardship of our language to know that "everyone" is singular and therefore is (or isn't, as the case may be) entitled to "his own opinion" or "her own opinion." If you're particularly conscious of gender sensibilities, or wish to forestall claims of preference, you might even even say that "everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion." But "everyone" cannot be entitled to "their own opinion" unless you mean the collective opinion of some "them" not included in "everyone."


You may or may not have noticed my use of quotation marks, but here it was meant to indicate that I was quoting a source. From my original post regarding the topic:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Many young people I know have fantastic breadth to their musical taste; others don't. One of the difficulties I have in relating to people between the ages of 10 and 30 seems to stem from the "everyone is entitled to their [sic] own opinion" fallacy. I am 29. In my limited experience dealing with friends, family and acquaintances between the ages of 15 and 30, this tiny little fragment of generally erroneous thinking makes up a substantial portion of the construct systems of many, many young people today.... It seems to me to be such a vapid existence; if the core of one's belief system is "everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion," from where do actual beliefs and opinions come from?


Thanks anyway!
 
May 16, 2007 at 6:16 PM Post #86 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by redshifter /img/forum/go_quote.gif
if you are going to be civil, be civil to the hilt: i usually reply to a "thank you" with "you are very welcome, sir/ma'am/my friend", with a smile and looking right in their eyes so they know i am sincere.


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Sometimes in expressing "you are welcome"-like verbiage I also employ the hug that lasts too long. No one doubts my sincerity. No one.
 
May 16, 2007 at 7:17 PM Post #87 of 107
anyway, isn't you're welcome more of an introduction rather than the end of conversation remark? for instance you are welcome - used before company comes to the table etc. i do not hear this phrase when someone says thank you much at all.

it just seems odd and as i said before, presumptuous to use when someone says thank you. too kurt to be polite.
 
May 16, 2007 at 7:18 PM Post #88 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
You may or may not have noticed my use of quotation marks, but here it was meant to indicate that I was quoting a source.


I noticed the quote marks, but did not take the phrase for a quotation. One usually mentions the source (or, on the internet, provides a link) when quoting directly; you did not, so I took the quote marks as scare-quotes or as a way of setting off a particularly unwieldy compound adjective. Did you expect me to recognize your quote of some blog via a post in a different topic without any sort of direction?

Whatever the cause of my mistake, I'm happy to see that you do indeed have a good grasp of English grammar. Best of luck in trying to get others to join us in our use of it.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Thanks anyway!


No problem.

Eric
 
May 16, 2007 at 7:41 PM Post #90 of 107
Quote:

Originally Posted by Superpredator /img/forum/go_quote.gif
...
simply because good grammar and traditional manners happen to be on the decline at the same time does not mean they are connected at the hip.
----



Grammar is the "good manners" of language. Both good manners and grammar are an essential part of communication. Decline of thoughtful communication would most probably result in the decline of both good manners and proper use of grammar.
I think they are "connected at the hip".
 

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