[trains are bad]

Hmm. Planning a marriage in December. Do you think any kind of legal preparation beyond the bare minimum is really wise? Dear fiance is less than thrilled about the idea of lawyers and so on. We are both poor, but I'm the less poor, it's not like I have a lot of net worth or business or anything.

 

[no1likesme]

I would NEVER ask for a prenup I mean NEVER! It is dooming your marriage from the start. IMO What a prenup says is "I don't really love you and don't believe in this relationship so I don't want to lose my crap" If you love her and think the marriage will last do not even bring it up.

 

[VicAjax]

unless you are fabulously wealthy, i would strongly advise against a pre-nup. even if you are fabulously wealthy, i think it's a generally bad idea.

 

[choomanchoo]

Just avoid marraige alltogether,






*flame suit on*

 

[EyeAmEye]

Saying "I do" is damning the marriage from the start...

I don't think there is anything wrong with a prenup. It's a precaution that unfortunately has become both smart and necessary. Even with the absolute best of intentions, you can never predict how things will turn out in the future, and protecting yourself now could be very important down the road.

 

[ken36]

Make an agreement that kicks in only after one or the other has 10M. My point is that nothing can get ugly faster than money squabbles. Trust me.

 

[grawk]

Definitely don't worry about a prenup if you're not already wealthy. It can't cover anything you make from this point forward anyway...why even bring it up?

 

[laxx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by grawk /img/forum/go_quote.gif Definitely don't worry about a prenup if you're not already wealthy. It can't cover anything you make from this point forward anyway...why even bring it up?

Yup, I was about to say the same thing. If you're both somewhat poor now (with you being the lesser of the two), what good is a prenup if you can only keep that little bit you have now? Once your married, your prenup is out the door on everything you make from then on, so what's the point?

 

[blessingx]

Although there are great reasons for concern of emotional damage in requesting a prenup (and its traditional use), it's been pointed out by people far smarter than I that a prenup can be protective to the other in the event of various tragedies. I'm much less anti-prenup than I used to be with high medical costs, lawsuits, etc. becoming a reality for more and more people. There are various ways to write up a prenup that's more about protection against outside forces, than between the two people getting married... at least I've been told. That's the other side of the coin. Personally, I'd have trouble asking for one, but if I was getting married I'd investigate the above a bit more first. I'd of course want a marriage to be a partnership through good and bad, but if I could protect my wife from an illness I'd get or an accident I'd cause, even if she had to divorce me to activate it, I would want to know about that possibility.

Another suggestion leading up to a wedding: read Marriage, a History by Stephanie Coontz. One of the best non-fiction books I've read in the last few years.

 

[Roam]

Few things cheapen marriage more then a pre-nup. You're basically agreeing ahead of time that your marriage isn't worth the paper it's printed on. You're planning for and expecting your marriage to fail, and not surprisingly, a lot of people with pre-nups end up divorcing. Gee, I wonder why?

 

[coho66]

whether or not one should or shouldn't get a prenupt is interesting when one considers the interesting trend i've noticed in my relatively short life:

it seems that 99% of all long term relationships end in a really, really, sour/bitter way...due to various reasons of course, that's not the issue. Though it is quite often that one person did something really bad/unforgiveable to the other person involved, and that single act spawns the entire ****-cascade and the split/divorce becomes very irrational.

In other words, there's a striking and unexpected contrast in the way a couple treats each other when comparing pictures and life situations of couples before/during marriage....and years later when things turn for the worst. Going from happy love birds that can't get enough of each other to bickering ex's that loathe each other's presence. The thing that always seems common is that during breakups people never give each other the same respect and courtesy they so cherished from each other during the relationship, which ironically was one of, if not the major reason they got married to begin with.....hippocrates in essence. In addition the whole complete 180 in the way they treat each other is never anticipated before/during the marriage. "nooo, she'd never do that to me, that's crazy to even think that"...

Then there's the 1% where people actually maintain that respect and courtesy and simply go their separate ways in a sensible manner....perhaps even maintaining a friendship...but that definitely seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

This trend definitely makes me wonder about doing one....but then again if i make everything with her....kinda useless i guess...i'm no expert.

 

[vcoheda]

if you are not already wealthy, then what is there to protect.

 

[Illah]

Maybe my wife and I are just progressive, but we openly discussed a pre-nup before we got married. There was no, "OH MY GOD YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!!" crap on either side. We both understand the realities of the modern world.

Ultimately we didn't get one though. We've been together for a long time and are pretty self sufficient (she hates taking money from me and vice versa). We keep all our accounts separate. We even considered her not changing her last name (it's been four months and we're still undecided).

There's a mutual understanding that if we don't work out we'll just part ways. We're both too proud to take things from the other anyway, I don't think we'd get any satisfaction out of that.

--Illah

 

[fatcat28037]

Check this out on Amazon, 71 new and used starting at $1.41.



http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/...eywords=prenup

 

[Old Pa]

Prenuptual agreements are state law statutory critters, so what you can actually do depends on the laws of the state in which you are being married. Most prenup statutes I know of require attached notarized statements of assets and liabilities by way of mutual disclosure (disclosure is good

), so make sure that's what you want to do. Prenups are most often indicated when 1) vastly different financial circumstances of parties, 2) late life marriages where the parties have existing obligations/children not with the new spouse, and 3) where there is reason for distrust and you still want to get married.

You will also have considerably more bookkeeping during marriage with a prenup; you have to continue to keep your premarital assets and liabilities segregated.