Plainsong's Eurovision Traffic Report

[plainsong]

For those of you who don't know what Eurovision is - it's the campiest way to show nationalistic feeling through bad songwriting. Basically, all the countries in Europe show up with their elected group and their cheesy song, you vote for your favorite (you can't vote for your own country), and the winner gets the prize of hosting the next Eurovision.

Last year the Finns won with a group that looked like Gwar but sounded like Kiss. Any song that's different but memorable is going to win, and usually songs with a modal flavor aren't going to win. Also any songs about the children or the future are forgettable and will earn "nul pointe".

To put it this way, Eurvision gave us ABBA. There. Enough said.

Because Finland won last year, it's the host country for this year. But as we're finding out, it's more than just the concerts and the finals. Nooo, Eurovision has landed all over the city center, with Eurovision villiages and Eurovision markets - and Eurovision traffic.

Imagine if at 3pm on a Friday it was common knowledge that your city center was shutting down, only, no one really knows how the detours will work or where exactly they need to go. Then plant some thousands of pedestrians into the mix. Welcome to Eurovision Hell.

So for any Finns wondering if you're going to head down there to check out the campiness and to take pictures of this huge happening - it's a lost cause. Parking on a good day is bad enough. And it's true that there are more busses - but no one knows where those busses are going right now.

I had planned on being one of those who wanted to check it out. It's a huge happening even if it does represent everything that's bad about pop music. But after being stuck in it's aftermath for an hour or so, I can safely say I've had my fill of the Eurvision Experience.

To put the icing on the cake, BBC Prime has gone so downhill that they no longer will show live broadcasts. That means no more of Terry Wogan's version of Eurovision, just our own crappy local commentators talking on top of everything going on. Although I have to say that the girl formerly from Tilt.tv and the new guy are some of the better Eurovision presenters I've seen, but the Tilt girl has always been awesome.

Oh you poor souls in North America, who just don't get the campy glitterbomb that is Eurovision. It's like Rosemary's baby - hideous and yet you can't look away.

 

[lmilhan]

Long live Lordi.

It's the Arockalypse motherf*#&$^s!

 

[plainsong]

Yeah, they were great fun - a perfect Eurovision foil. And it was just good old fashioned rock. It's safe to say we're not winning this year. Who votes for this crap anyway? My heart says to vote for The Ark.

I think Terry Wogan's right - it's mostly fixed. But then again, it's not to be taken seriously.

Just beware if your city ever hosts it - it's a huge glitterbomb and it's Faaaaabulous!

Guys outside of Finland, get ready to drool. This is who used to host a very popular gaming show called Tilt. She was darn good at it too, talked about the games as if she gamed herself. The current scandal is that her French may not be very good - she did fine with it the other night though.

 

[fordgtlover]

Eurovision is an annual family event in my house. We have lap ffod for dinner in front of the TV (about the only night of the year we do), and watch as European hopefuls compete in a competition that's about 3 decades past its used by date.

Go Eurovision.

 

[Absorbine_Sr]

Since I'm one of the poor American souls who do not get the opportunity to revel in everything that is Eurovision, I will watch the Father Ted Eurovision episode tonight to simulate the event. I'm humming "My Lovely Horse" right now.

A_Sr.

 

[digitaldave]

Quote:

Originally Posted by plainsong To put the icing on the cake, BBC Prime has gone so downhill that they no longer will show live broadcasts. That means no more of Terry Wogan's version of Eurovision, just our own crappy local commentators talking on top of everything going on.

That's a shame, as Terry Wogan's commentary is the thing that makes it for me - I swear he's got a bottle of fine Irish malt in his commentary booth that he works his way through as the evening progresses

.

 

[Rav]

Quote:

Originally Posted by digitaldave /img/forum/go_quote.gif That's a shame, as Terry Wogan's commentary is the thing that makes it for me - I swear he's got a bottle of fine Irish malt in his commentary booth that he works his way through as the evening progresses .

I believe it's common knowledge that it's Bailey's Irish Cream that gets him through the evening ... think he starts at about song 7

 

[steviebee]

I'll be @ friends watching the damn thing tonight -with a German, a Greek Cypriot, a Pole and my wife who's from Up North, so qualifies as 'foreign'

Just so long as Iceland aren't in it/don't win. That was sheer crap, even by Eurovision's warped standards. And to think they gave us Bjork & Sigur Ros, tsk...

Bring back Sandy Shaw, I say

 

[Duggeh]

I cant believe that Ukraine didnt win. I voted for them 6 times. Cost me £1.50

DANZEN!

 

[plainsong]

The commentators were better this year on Finnish tv, but yall are right, it's no Terry Wogan. I'd have loooooved to hear what he said about UK's entry.

I thought the presenters were awesome, but Jaana's reputation as a presenter proceeds her. I don't know if everyone else gets Krisse's sctick - the blond girl in the pink dress that was in the green room, but it's this airhead routine she does, and she has a really popular show. I found it funny but then again I know her schtick.

But 25k or so in Senate Square alone, not counting any of the other outdoor goings' on in central Helsinki - I am so glad we went to Ikea today, instead of venturing anywhere near the city.

 

[Duggeh]

The pink dress girl got no end of flak from Wogan. He as usual had his perfect blend of patronising, sarcastic and dismissive incredulity. I'm pretty sire that during the night he works his way through an entire bottle of Irish Whiskey.

Certainly the airhead routine for me, was too much given our unfamiliarity with her. She just came over as an utter idiot. The words she had with the bands too, cringeworthy.


I'd like to give a big thanks to all my friends in Malta and Gozo for saving our arses from the humiliation we have had the past few years. I think the UKs entry was the best we have had for a long time, even if it did shamelessly rip off the Vengaboys. Just one year, I'd like to see the voting done on the acts without anyone knowing which country they are from.

Germanys guys should get some kudos too, they were awesome, but really not Eurovison type music. They did the Sinatra modern as Robbie Williams wishes he could.

On those bands that didnt make it through to the final. Norway and Malta I liked but Belgium was the best, thei ract was some bizzare fusion of The Bee Gees and Donald Fagen, sort of Jamairoqui-ish in its funk. I stil don't understand how the musical abortion that was Irelands entry got in, when the UK doesn't even give Ireland any points, then it HAS to be bad.

Next year I want to see us put Bill Bailey in.

 

[plainsong]

Second attempt posting this - am I the only one who on 4 browsers cannot get Head-fi to keep from appearing like it's crashed? It takes 4 or 5 times to even get a post here.

Nah, besides Apocolyptica, The Ark was the only real band to show up and they completely shouda won.

Yeah, the Krisse routine doesn't make sense unless you know it's a bit. The stuff she says is cringeworthy, and that's the point. That's her brand of humor and why I could watch and laugh because I know she's about to do something silly. It's what the locals watching on tv expect her to do.

The voice coming out of the Serbian entry wasn't what you'd expect to hear from her, but The Ark shoulda won!

I think blind voting would be great, one of those things that will never ever happen.

 

[catachresis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duggeh /img/forum/go_quote.gif Next year I want to see us put Bill Bailey in.

I saw Bailey do a magical death-metal version of the Magic Roundabout theme in his standup at The Olympia in Dublin years ago.

I feel like there should be a moment of grudging, twitching, impatient silence for former Eurovision winners -- other than ABBA. In particular, I want to send out this instant of irritation to 'Dana' (Rosemary Scallon) who won Ireland's first title in 1970 with "All Kinds of Everything," and, after working at EWTN - the world's largest Roman Catholic cable television network in Irondale Alabama - for pathologically conservative Mother Angelica (who wanted gold leaf on the gold leaf in the station chapel), went on to glory as Galway's own reactionary member of the European Parliament. Though Dana's lost her seat in the EU, she hasn't lost the sacred heart of JC, and with Bertie Ahern about to implode, there's hope yet that she will be elected Taoiseach and take Ireland back to the twelfth century where it belongs.

Here's the silent bit.

 

[KYTGuy]

bbbutbut, here in America, we Luuvved ABBA!

 

[steviebee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYTGuy /img/forum/go_quote.gif bbbutbut, here in America, we Luuvved ABBA!

ssssshhhhhhh.......people will hear!

I won £10 for Russia coming third! Paid for the cab home