[ilovesocks]

I recently started job at a local drugstore which has (cleverly) placed its toy aisle so that it's in direct view of the children who come in with their parents. Consequently, I quite often hear cries of "DADDY, DADDY, I WANT IT!", "LOOK AT THIS HELICOPTER, IT'S SO AWESOME!", and so on.

I've taken up analyzing the various responses from parents, which range from the initiation of a long, complex bargaining sequence to completely ignoring the kid. So far, I haven't seen any parents fold completely under the high-pitched pressure.

Skip to here if you don't want the prefacing: So, this has lead me to wonder what is the best way to respond to these pleas in order to instill in the child a sense of moderation and appreciation for the things that they already have? (And I do realize that Head-Fi may not be the best place to look for advice on moderation, but enough about that . . . .

) It seems to me that there ought to be a way to treat the child which will curb the urge to grab at everything it sees, just for the sake of grabbing and begging and having?

I seem to remember my parents using a sort of "points" system whenever I really wanted something: they would give me some chores to do, with each task allocating me a certain number of points. Once I had gathered enough of them, I would have earned the thing.

Anyway, a nice scheme that I just thought up is to introduce high-quality audio equipment to the child at an early age so that he or she is not impressed with the cheap plastic crap that we sell in that aisle in the first place.

 

[skellington]

There's so much advertising aimed directly at children now, it's terrible. And toys are so expensive. You just have to be wicked and strict basically!

 

[rxc]

lol, my parents implemented the preemptive beating at the entrance.

 

[KYTGuy]

Honestly, don't ever get into a bargaining sequence with your kid - it puts them at parity with you.

On widely separated occasions, randomly bestow rewards. If you do it every time something good is done, you have slipped into bargaining, putting the kid in control.

Punishment is the flip side of the coin - it should happen as instantly as you find out, and reward should be random. This instills that good behavior is expected.

Make your gifts good ones, not just crap things. Crappy things will be treated as such, and if it comprises the majority of the things you gift, then the kid will regard most (or all ) things as of no value, thus not worth picking up, caring for, or keeping account of. If your gifts are meaningful, and less often, they will be cherished, and maybe passed on.

The gift you should give most often is time/interaction. Childhood goes by so quickly. Time spent playing imagination games with the kid and a cardboard box is more meaningful and rewarding to you both than any piece of plastic junk you could think of.

My Daughter is just in the Air Force. The memories of the fun times we had are what sustain us now - we hear from her only once a week.

 

[fordgtlover]

^

Fantastic insight. Clearly the words of parent who dared and cared to parent properly.

I bet you're the proudest parent of your kid(s) now.

Nice job.

My 2 cents.

No is a word that kids should learn and understand at an early age - for their safety and your sanity.

You'll spend enough time negotiating with teenagers; don't start negotiating with kids any sooner than nature demands.

 

[1911]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KYTGuy /img/forum/go_quote.gif Honestly, don't ever get into a bargaining sequence with your kid - it puts them at parity with you. On widely separated occasions, randomly bestow rewards. If you do it every time something good is done, you have slipped into bargaining, putting the kid in control. Punishment is the flip side of the coin - it should happen as instantly as you find out, and reward should be random. This instills that good behavior is expected. Make your gifts good ones, not just crap things. Crappy things will be treated as such, and if it comprises the majority of the things you gift, then the kid will regard most (or all ) things as of no value, thus not worth picking up, caring for, or keeping account of. If your gifts are meaningful, and less often, they will be cherished, and maybe passed on. The gift you should give most often is time/interaction. Childhood goes by so quickly. Time spent playing imagination games with the kid and a cardboard box is more meaningful and rewarding to you both than any piece of plastic junk you could think of. My Daughter is just in the Air Force. The memories of the fun times we had are what sustain us now - we hear from her only once a week.

yeah....nice post..i think i am gonna cry now...my kids are growing so fast..i am gonna miss these times...

 

[skudmunky]

my parents always made me wait 2 weeks before allowing me to buy something. If I still wanted it after 2 weeks, they let me spend my own money on it.

Seems to have worked well.

 

[Edwood]

I'm just trying to get through alll the crying and diaper changes.

 

[pne]

you honestly think a young child would rather listen to hi-fi music than play with a shiney new action figure or toy? Why don't we also introduce interior decorating or wine tasting to young children? I'm sure they'd love that too!

 

[GAD]

Easy - "No".

My kids used to ask me for things all the time. The answer was always "no". Now they're used to it. They never assault with "I want it" or any of that nonsense anymore. They don't expect to get anything when we go out. Everytime we see some bratty kid screaming about something he/she wants, we talk about that behavior and discuss why it's bad, and I reinforce how good my kids are in contrast.

KYTGuy pretty much nailed it. Here's an example - my kids (6 & 8) were wonderful while I had one arm to use. They helped selflessly and without any expectation of reward. Out of the blue last Sunday I bought them both $10 CD players of their very own. I told them it was because I was so proud of how they helped me when I needed it. They were *THRILLED*.

As a bonus, now they don't ask to listen to my ipods anymore.

GAD

 

[Rock&Roll Ninja]

But now they want BMG memberships!

 

[kramer5150]

I am blessed in that both my kids have got to be the most un-materialistic kids on the planet. They have NEVER walked into a store and begged for anything on the shelf. Sometimes my son will pick up something and look at it, but I politely ask him to put it back on the shelf and he cooperates completely. My son turned 5 on Labor day and my daughter turned 2 in April.

They have their favorite toys that they are dearly attached too, so as long as my son has his Nemo plush toy and my daughter has her blankey, they are good to go.

When they do get to be "that age" (whenever that will be), we will do a point system for good behavior. More points at the end of the week means bigger/better toys.