One slip and down the hole we fall......

[PinkFloyd]

Seems to take no time at all.....

You probably know the lyrics, Pink Floyd "Momentary lapse of reason" and oh how true the "down the hole" part is.

I'd stopped drinking alcohol for 15 months and thought I'd beat it, and beat it good.... everything going SO well until last night when I caned a bottle of (of all things) Kentucky Bourbon.

There was no plan to this, no craving or no reason. I've had this bottle kicking about since I stopped and just thought "sod it, I'll have a glass to see what it tastes like after all this time"

BIG mistake! That "glass" turned into one entire litre and my old "stupid" habits kicked in big style. I managed to destroy the blade on my lawnmower by, stupidly, mowing at 2am and repeatedly driving her across an old tree stump...... I felled a tree (no, I am NOT joking) at 4 am with a chainsaw dressed in nothing more than a pair of underpants and a pair of slippers. Not content with potentially killing myself in a chainsaw / mower accident it appears I came inside, logged onto the net and proceeded to totally slag off one of my best friends in a series of e-mails.

When I woke up this morning and looked out the window it was like "oh my god" when I saw a birch tree laying on it's side on the lawn (surprisingly, it didn't take out any fences / buildings) I got that horrible feeling that I'd done more than just fell a tree and a visit to outlook express confirmed that was the case.... I won't go into detail but will say what I laid down in e-mails wasn't nice, not nice at all

I've spent the entire day "apologising" for my "momentary Lapse" and it looks like I'll be spending the next week clearing up the "tree" from the lawn.

Was it worth it? No. Did I have a good time? No. Do I feel good? No. Why am I writing this down in a public forum? As a reminder that alcohol and me don't mix, whatever I may think and however much I convince myself that "one will be ok" it's just never going to happen.

Hell, I was advising a fellow Head-Fier a few hours prior to opening the bottle and telling him how much better things would be for him if he laid off the booze... a few hours later and I'm outside felling a ****in tree in my underpants, pished as a newt, obviously convinced (at the time) that what I was doing was "right"

I don't know what this does to my 15 months abstinence (apart from relive the nightmare of an addiction, if only for one night, with the associated "long term" consequences resulting from my momentary lapse ) I feel so BAD that I was stupid enough to believe I could just take one shot and that would be that.......

Once that gear gets into my system it's in total control. I just become a dutiful "swallower" powerless to say "no" to it, it just seems right to keep swallowing "at the time".... amazing how my 15 months off the gear means nothing, in the scheme of things, yet my 1 litre last night has caused so much destruction in such a short time.

Thankfully I can "see" the light here and will do my best to go another 15 months booze free, this has hit home that I can't control "it"...... "it" will control "me" if I allow it back into my life.

I still consider head-Fiers as part of my life so thought I'd share, if anyone thinks they've got a problem with alcohol then please PM me and I'll try my best to help, maybe we can help each other.....

 

[cire]

you, sir, are one hell of a drunk.

 

[PinkFloyd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cire you, sir, are one hell of a drunk.

Is that a compliment? I'm too sober to differentiate between compliment / insult at the moment

 

[cire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkFloyd Is that a compliment? I'm too sober to differentiate between compliment / insult at the moment

more or less a compliment. quite an adventure you had there.

 

[Homeless]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cire you, sir, are one hell of a drunk.

and you're insensitive

Good luck starting again. I wish you good luck and good health. These things can be tough to do alone...have you seeked out any help?

 

[redshifter]

relapse is common, pinkie. don't get too down on yourself, it's part of the recovery process. trees will grow back, friends will forgive, and you'll be back on track.

 

[nikongod]

good luck getting back on track.

i rember when you were talking about quiting a while back, good work sofar.

 

[Jahn]

pinkie, we're behind you here. we know you know what to do, and we know you can do it. go for it!

 

[Bill Ward]

Sorry to hear about that, Pinkie.

I echo what others have said; you learn from the experience and climb back on the wagon. As you've discovered, it's not a good idea to keep alcohol in the house when your goal is enduring sobriety. The impulse "to see" makes that too convenient. Anyway, get back to the routine that worked for the past 15 months. Post your numbers as a reminder. Like Jahn says, we really are behind you.

Good luck.

 

[Mr.PD]

Now that you have that out of the way. You can look forward to being back in control. It's okay to have one slip.

Thank you for posting this. I have been contemplating going out and getting stinking drunk the last couple of days. I do bad things when I'm drinking, and have no knowledge of what happens. I got a head start on a drunk already tonight, and was seriously thinking about going to a tavern or bar and doing a good heavy drunk night tonight. Your post talked me out of it. I last fell of the wagon 11 years ago during my last divorce, and a new divorce is starting so I thought getting drunk would be appropriate.

I think I will just have a pizza delivered and not get drunk.
Thanks PinkFloyd. You may have saved my life.

 

[zotjen]

Pinkie, hang in there. You're only human and it's okay to slip up once in awhile. Try not to be too hard on yourself and instead look back at this incident and remember the ramifications of it the next time the urge to have a drink takes hold of you.

Chances are you're going to want to have a drink again at some point in your life. It's easy to say now you won't do it again but it may not be that easy when it actually happens. If and when it does, just try to get it together and do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from having that drink. If you have to, bang your head against the wall, run around naked outside, or just post on Head-Fi so that we can dissuade you.

Stay strong dude.

 

[ServinginEcuador]

"...a wise man falls seven times, yet he rises again."

Beating yourself up for any length of time will do nothing but discourage you and drive you to drinking again. Learn from your mistake, do what it takes to put checks in place to prevent it from happening again, and move on with your life looking toward the future Mike!

 

[nibiyabi]

Also, if you have any more booze in the house, give it away.

P.S. I know it may seem insensitive, but that is some impressive drunken activity. I don't think I'd ever cut down a freaking tree with a chainsaw.

 

[pne]

well to be fair, its some feat to be able to start both a lawn mower and a chain saw after a litre of the hard stuff, much less type out actual sentences and work an email program...

now lets get serious, you could have fatally injured yourself doing what you did. You put your own life in danger in this momentary lapse of reason, lets not think of the things that could have happened from a slip of a chainsaw or a tree falling on you. But everythings already said and done so I wish you a speedy recovery, and sincerly hope that you will learn a lesson from this.

 

[dhp]

Take this in a good way. Except for the slagging of the friend, which can get really bad...

That's awesome. Especially cutting down a birch tree in slippers with a chainsaw. Can't get the image out of my head.