[Edwood]

Of course there are minimal asethetic requirements for pair bonding, but I think the less magazine and TV fakes a person idolizes, the healthier your outlook in life will be.

I think that one should try spending less time on impressing others, and trying to spend more time impressing yourself.

I know people seem to be ignoring personality these days, and perhaps that seems to be adding to the over 50% divorce rate.

Perhaps it would be best if everyone spent more time trying to learn more about their potential partner rather than hunting for one to fit into a particular asethetic ideal.

-Ed

 

[Edwood]

Kirosia: I am going to finally say the final cliche of the day.
You are still very young and have your entire life ahead of you. Life does favor the bold, and not always the brightest and nicest. But (here's another cliche) you will never find true love until you start to love yourself. Self confidence is one of the most attractive features to many. And unless you are the elephant man (there's even hope there still) beauty is a huge sliding scale. You have a lot of growing yet to do physically and emotionally.

The best thing you can do is find your own path in life, and what you want to do with it. Relationships will come and go, but you cannot base your life on one other person, that is truly a self destructive path. A relationship is a team effort. Especially in the long term. Trust me, going all out crazy over a girl is just going to scare her away. (well, maybe because I'm a little crazy).

Just keep looking foward, Kirosia. You have a long way to go. Those girls, will eventually become women. And you will be (hopefully) a man. While the others will look back on the old "glory days", you will only be looking foward to bigger and better things.

Just don't get caught up in upgradeitis. That's another story altogether.......

-Ed

 

[nassaubusrider]

Yeah girls have told me I'm sweet and a nice guy but they always say I'm not their type. Alot of girls like "bad boy" types. It's not like I've looked at "popular" girls I generally go for the smart, plain type of girl. But alot of them seem to seek out agressive bad boys, especially tall guys. For some reason some girls get turned off by my height (5'2). Alot of ladies I'm eye level with but for some reason they like guys much taller than them.
Anyway if a woman is so focused on getting tall guys and guys that treat them bad then they aren't for me anyway.
When I was younger I thought girls wanted guys similar in height/build/interests, but as I've grown older I've sadly seen that few ppl think like me in wanting a significant other.
Just look at this whole Lori Hacking case in Salt Lake City. A smart, intelligent young lady who's got a great career goes for some loser jerk. And when she found out about the jerk's lies and confronted him, he kills her. Now how sick is that?
It just bugs me seeing sweet girls marrying jerks. I think thats why the divorce rate is so high. If women went out with guys more physically and emotionally compatable with them there'd be alot less divorces and more wedding bliss instead of horror.

 

[Kirosia]

Thanks for all the comments. Right now I'm trying to change myself. Not for them, but for me. The low self-esteem loser I was in high school isn't who I am, it was who I was. I keep thinking I'm still him (which is my biggest downfall). But once I get out of that mind set, I'll go for it. I know chances are I'll go through quite a few relationships before finding the right one. I just want to experience the feeling that others do. I'm young, I have much to tread.

Edit: Oh yeah, that 50% divorce rate thing scares the crap out me. The sad fact that it's pretty much true just sucks.

 

[HiWire]

Your greatest battle is in your own mind. Once you have overcome the high school mindset (I'm working on it myself - 10 years later), you'll be flying. Good luck!

 

[Iron_Dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aerius I tend to disagree with this, with the exception of celebrity snobs and stuck-up witches, I don't feel there's such a thing as a girl who's out of your league. In many cases which I've seen the girl is out of the league only because the guy is convinced that she is, before he's even asked he's already thinking "OMG, she's such a babe, how am I ever going to get her?", he's struck out before even stepping up to the plate. Positive thinking, confidence, kindness, and charm go a long long way towards pulling all the women into your league. I'm not the only "success story", there are many others.

I can only echo all of what you've said. All of the women I've dated in the last year initially gave me the "wow! I could never get her.." thoughts, but then I just went right out and tried. The way I figure, the ones you think you can't get are the only ones really worth getting, I mean after all there must be something that made you think so highly of them in the first place, right? I get rejected, sure, but so what? Why should I base my self worth off what others think? It is a very simple principle actually.

 

[tomek]

yo aerius, WICKED post! it cracked me up. Andrea and my sister were with me and laughing it up. we shoudl hang out soon.


listen kid, here's my advice. i used to be a shy kinda a guy with a story similar to yours. then, suddenly, girls started coming my way. did the way i look change? no. my attitude changed from being 'friend' to being a challenge.

1) be confident
2) be charming
3) don't fall into the 'being a friend' trap
4) talk about other girls in front of the one that you like. not to be an ass, but to let her know that you are a sexual being, interested in other girls, not just fawning over her.
5) have fun, play the game. pretend to be someone else for a day. talk to girls as if you're a bigtime playboy. whatever, go nuts.

 

[commando]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HiWire Confidence usually does the trick. Be yourself, stay in shape, and date out of your league If they don't go for it, they weren't worth it.

I agree with this.

Also, school's like a training ground, learn what works, what doesn't, who you get on with, good ways to approach girls, how to make friends. Then when you go to collage you're prepared. I had one girlfriend at high school/collage, then we split up, I went overseas, became more confident and met quite a few "nice girls"

Confidence, assertiveness, and being yourself are key.

 

[viator122]

The distilled version of all of this, I think can be summed up in three parts:

1. Be confident. The opposite sex, friends and bosses all like that. It's a turn on.

2. Have a personality.

3. Don't put up with other people's BS.

Take a look at yourself. These girls you're friends with, do you find that you're the shoulder to cry on when their boyfriends treat them like crap? Are you following them around like a puppy dog? If so, ditch them. Be confident, charming and unwilling to put up with BS or be used and I think you'll find that things change for you.

 

[ampgalore]

I have nothing to contribute, since I have been the "nice guy" all my life.

 

[D-EJ915]

Unlike aerius, it's probably better to NOT call your potential GF a "CHICK".

 

[skitlets]

This thead has put some things in perspective for me, such as the existence of "nice" girls. I had three female friends one year, all being there for me when I went through a bad breakup, and as it turned out, all three of them had feelings for me, but were being the typical "nice" friend. I think males complain about the "nice" guy thing far more than females do.

 

[HiWire]

I think that's because "nice" usually means something far different to women...

e.g.
I don't think you're in my league
I've just met somebody more interesting
I like taller guys
I think of you as one of my girlfriends
I'm wasting my time with you
I shouldn't have said "yes" to coffee
etc.

Sometimes it's not worth trying to decode the female language

You really don't want to know what they're thinking

And you know what? Many of them don't mean to be cruel.

 

[aerius]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirosia Thanks for all the comments. Right now I'm trying to change myself. Not for them, but for me. The low self-esteem loser I was in high school isn't who I am, it was who I was. I keep thinking I'm still him (which is my biggest downfall). But once I get out of that mind set, I'll go for it. I know chances are I'll go through quite a few relationships before finding the right one. I just want to experience the feeling that others do. I'm young, I have much to tread.

And knowing is half the battle! (thanks GI JOE!)

Seriously, it sounds like you have a good idea of the issues you have to deal with and you're doing what you can to work on and improve things. That is a good start, keep working hard, keep a positive outlook, which I know can be damn hard sometimes and one day you'll be a chick magnet.

 

[adhoc]

welcome to the club.

i think this song sums up nicely what we are.