need an opinions on my personal statement in a IMPORTANT application form.

[raymondlin]

It is a CPE - Law conversion course. The personal statements parts says i should include

relevant experience, reasons for choosing law, career aspirations, hobbies, interests, etc.

Here is a draft

-----------------------------------------------

I have studied architecture until Post-graduate level, and have worked in the field for two years after my degree. While it is a fascinating and rewarding career, it has taught me skills and knowledge that I will cherish for a life time. I came to realised that although I enjoy the work, I do not share the same passion as others around me, therefore I believe that it is not my intended lifetime career.

I developed a keen interest in law while working in practice, drafting contracts, correspondences and liaising with the clients taught me inter-social skills as well as giving me an insight into the laws which have sparked my interest into the subject. It is my desire to become a fully qualified solicitor and develop a respected career.

My past experiences have already given me a proficiency in dealing with presentations within tutorials and critiques in front of small groups of people. This has given me the confidence to speak out when I believe I have something to contribute but also to listen to the ideas and views of others those who may have a more in depth knowledge on a specific subject area. Furthermore, I can apply many aspects in architecture into law, and develop into a career that involves both; it is one of the paths I am looking into taking as a solicitor.

During my degree and time in the field of architectural practice I have developed many skills which I believe are fundamental any solicitor. One of the predominant skills I have learnt is detail analytical approach involving both design and engineering. This is needed both when working on problems involved in architecture, engineering as well as within the legal profession.

Much of my spare time is spent reading and I have a passionate interest in a variety of music tastes and styles. Sports I regularly take part in include table tennis and golf. The rest of my time I spend taking part in activities with my friends and family. It is very important to me that I maintain a stable balance between work and home.

-----------------------------------------------

Is it ok? grammatical mistake? or better use of English?

 

[bahamaman]

First off, I teach at a University and have served on graduate admissions committees. Even so, feel free to reject any or all of my advice.

In your second sentence, your use of the word "while" suggests to the reader that the clause that follows ("it has taught me skills") will be in contrast to the first part of the sentence. For example, "While yesterday I was sad, today I'm happy." In your sentence, there is no contrast. Thus, I would suggest you start the sentence with "Architecture is a fascinating . . . and it has taught me skills . . . ."

In the next sentence, put "realised" into the preset tense. You might also want to consider making the last clause of that sentence into a new, free-standing sentence.

I don't think "liaising" is a word. Also, you try to accomplish too much in that sentence. You start by explaining the source of your interest in law, then shift gears to talk about developing interpersonal skillls, then back to the original purpose of the sentence.

I would suggest that the third paragraph is a bit ancillary. Indeed, communication skills are important, but it seems to me that the main goal of your statement should be to focus principally on two issues: first, demonstrating that you possess the intellectual ability to be a successful law student and, second, that your choice to pursue a career in law seems well thought out.

As to the first goal, I think you need to provide evidence (from your prior academic pursuits) that you are both a good student and, potentially, a good law student. As to the latter of these, realize that a good law student is formed with equal parts of raw intelligence, sound analytical skills, good reading comprehension, good writing skills, and strong work ethic. (BTW, I've got two law degrees, so I feel pretty confident giving this advice.) Whatever evidence you can provide on some or all of these will serve you well.

Still on the third paragraph, it is not readily apparent to me how one could combine your expertise in architecture with law. Perhaps you have an interest in pursuing disputes involving the protection of historical landmarks? I don't know, but it might be worth exploring to the extent it would reveal that (as mentioned earlier) your interest in law has been well thought out.

In paragraph 4, it should read "fundamental to any solicitor". In the next sentence, it should read ". . . . a detailed analytical approach". Also, though I know that lawyers need good analytical skills, will the persons on the admissions committee know why architects have such skills? You should explain, perhaps with an illustration or example.

In the last paragraph, I prefer the more formal, "sports in which I regularly take part are . . . ."

Hope this is some small help. I wish you good luck and every success in your efforts!

 

[raymondlin]

Cheers bahamaman ! I've edited it now to this.

----------------------------------------------
I have studied architecture until Post-graduate level, and have worked in the field for two years after my degree. Architecture is a fascinating and rewarding career, and has taught me skills and knowledge that I will cherish for a lifetime. My first insight into law came when I was working in practice after my degree, drafting contracts, correspondences and liaising with the clients sparked my interest into the subject. It is my desire to become a fully qualified solicitor and develop a respected career.

My past experiences have already given me a proficiency in dealing with presentations within tutorials and critiques in front of groups of people. This provided me with the confidence to speak out when I believe I have something to contribute; but also to listen to the ideas and views of others who may have a more in depth knowledge on a specific subject area.

One of the many fundamental skills I have learnt is detailed analytical approach involving both design and engineering. This involves detail research, precedence studies, lateral thinking and fresh ideas, in order to have a strong foundation for a successful designed building. Furthermore, I can apply many aspects in architecture into law, and develop into a career that involves both; it is one of the paths I am looking into taking as a solicitor.

Much of my spare time is spent reading and I have a passionate interest in a variety of music tastes and styles. Sports I regularly take part are table tennis and golf. The rest of my time I spend taking part in activities with my friends and family. It is very important to me that I maintain a stable balance between work and home.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[wallijonn]

Having studied Architecture up to the Post-Graduate level, Architecture has been a fascinating and rewarding career. I have aquired skills that I will cherish for the rest of my life. My first real insight into Law came during my two year post degree Practice internship where I drafted contracts, corresponded and liaised with clients, etcetera. Through this intimate contact with clients I aquired an intense desire to seek a Law Degree. My intention is to become a fully qualified solicitor.

Past experience has provided me a proficiency in dealing with presentations within tutorials and critiques in front of groups of people. Possessing excellent communication skills, I feel confident interacting with large or small groups of people, whether the audience be laymen or specialists.

One of the many fundamental skills I have learned is the ability to employ a detailed analytical approach to the resolution of design and engineering problems. This involves detailed research of precedential studies and employing lateral and creative thinking, thereby identifying defects and guaranteeing a successfully designed building. As such, I feel very confident that I can employ many aspects of my Architectural thinking processes into the study of Law.

I am an avid reader, a music affecionado, a golfer, enjoy table tennis, a dedicated husband who loves to spend time with friends and family. I am dedicated to maintaining a healthy balance between work and home.

 

[raymondlin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wallijonn Having studied Architecture up to the Post-Graduate level, Architecture has been a fascinating and rewarding career. I have aquired skills that I will cherish for the rest of my life. My first real insight into Law came during my two year post degree Practice internship where I drafted contracts, corresponded and liaised with clients, etcetera. Through this intimate contact with clients I aquired an intense desire to seek a Law Degree. My intention is to become a fully qualified solicitor. Past experience has provided me a proficiency in dealing with presentations within tutorials and critiques in front of groups of people. Possessing excellent communication skills, I feel confident interacting with large or small groups of people, whether the audience be laymen or specialists. One of the many fundamental skills I have learned is the ability to employ a detailed analytical approach to the resolution of design and engineering problems. This involves detailed research of precedential studies and employing lateral and creative thinking, thereby identifying defects and guaranteeing a successfully designed building. As such, I feel very confident that I can employ many aspects of my Architectural thinking processes into the study of Law. I am an avid reader, a music affecionado, a golfer, enjoy table tennis, a dedicated husband who loves to spend time with friends and family. I am dedicated to maintaining a healthy balance between work and home.

first, i'm not married

and sadly (thou i am not regretting it), i am not an architect, i am leaving the field to pursue Law instead.

 

[bahamaman]

Here are some suggestions:

I have studied architecture up to the post-graduate level and worked in the field during the two years following receipt of my degree. Specifically, (insert here what you've done) . . . .

Architecture is a fascinating and rewarding career, and it has enabled me to acquire skills and knowledge that I will cherish for a lifetime. Even so, the last two years have left me with the strong belief that I was meant to pursue some other, perhaps more meaningful path. This belief began to crystallize when, during my practice, I was placed in a position of having to negotiate and draft contracts with the firm's clients. Perhaps odd for one trained in architecture, but I found that this was the part of my work that genuinely excited me and that, just maybe, it was something for which I had a real aptitude. From that moment forward, I knew that it would be my life's goal to become a fully qualified solicitor and develop a respected career.

Even though it seems I am not destined to stay in architecture, it has given me experiences that should serve me well in the practice of law. First, it has enabled me to develop a proficiency in making presentations, whether in the context of tutorials or critiques in front of groups of people. Possessing excellent communication skills, I feel confident interacting with large or small groups of people, whether the audience be laymen or specialists. (I stole much of this paragraph from wallijohn's)

Second among the skills it has given me is the ability to employ a detailed analytical approach involving both design and engineering. This involves detail research, precedence studies, lateral thinking and fresh ideas, in order to have a strong foundation for a successful designed building. (Regarding the previous sentence, raymond, I think it needs some work because I don't understand it and, I doubt the members of the committee would). In short, the study and practice of architecture helped me develop strong analytical skills that I can incorporate into the study of Law.
Furthermore, I believe I can develop a career that involves both (I'm not sure this sentence should remain unless you can be more specific of what kind of career would involve both).

Raymond - as to the last paragraph on personal interests, I would suggest you consider the language used by wallijohn (taking out, of course, the part about being married).

Raymond, as I think I said earlier, take all advice with a grain of salt, as we say in the US. Trust your own judgment and make the personal statement authentically yours. Also, as I said earlier, it's always a good idea to highlight points of excellence in your academic career. Admissions committees, more than anything else, want to make sure that applicants have the capacity to become good students.

Please feel free to post your next draft.

 

[raymondlin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bahamaman Here are some suggestions: I have studied architecture up to the post-graduate level and worked in the field during the two years following receipt of my degree. Specifically, (insert here what you've done) . . . . Architecture is a fascinating and rewarding career, and it has enabled me to acquire skills and knowledge that I will cherish for a lifetime. Even so, the last two years have left me with the strong belief that I was meant to pursue some other, perhaps more meaningful path. This belief began to crystallize when, during my practice, I was placed in a position of having to negotiate and draft contracts with the firm's clients. Perhaps odd for one trained in architecture, but I found that this was the part of my work that genuinely excited me and that, just maybe, it was something for which I had a real aptitude. From that moment forward, I knew that it would be my life's goal to become a fully qualified solicitor and develop a respected career. Even though it seems I am not destined to stay in architecture, it has given me experiences that should serve me well in the practice of law. First, it has enabled me to develop a proficiency in making presentations, whether in the context of tutorials or critiques in front of groups of people. Possessing excellent communication skills, I feel confident interacting with large or small groups of people, whether the audience be laymen or specialists. (I stole much of this paragraph from wallijohn's) Second among the skills it has given me is the ability to employ a detailed analytical approach involving both design and engineering. This involves detail research, precedence studies, lateral thinking and fresh ideas, in order to have a strong foundation for a successful designed building. (Regarding the previous sentence, raymond, I think it needs some work because I don't understand it and, I doubt the members of the committee would). In short, the study and practice of architecture helped me develop strong analytical skills that I can incorporate into the study of Law. Furthermore, I believe I can develop a career that involves both (I'm not sure this sentence should remain unless you can be more specific of what kind of career would involve both). Raymond - as to the last paragraph on personal interests, I would suggest you consider the language used by wallijohn (taking out, of course, the part about being married). Raymond, as I think I said earlier, take all advice with a grain of salt, as we say in the US. Trust your own judgment and make the personal statement authentically yours. Also, as I said earlier, it's always a good idea to highlight points of excellence in your academic career. Admissions committees, more than anything else, want to make sure that applicants have the capacity to become good students. Please feel free to post your next draft.

Thanks for al your help, it's been really useful advicee, I've posted it off today. and will know in a month.

 

[bahamaman]

I was happy to be of some, small help. I wish you the very best of luck!

 

[raymondlin]

Hey, just a little update

I GOT IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks bahamaman and wallijonn for your help, especially bahamaman, Thanks again !

 

[acs236]

Congratulations. I just saw this thread today. I think you were given some excellent advice regarding the personal statement. I wonder if it made a difference.

But now, you're into the world of law, for better or for worse. Do you want to be a solicitor or barrister?

 

[raymondlin]

I'll probably be a solicitor, already have 3 friends who are solicitors and 1 Barrister. And my sister is doing a LPC to be a solicitor, thou i won't mind working in the states, but i know their law system is different.