How to ask your family NOT to buy?
post-142110
Thread Starter
Post #1 of 23

Audio Redneck

Spaceman Spiff
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Messages
1,463
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Posts
1,463
Likes
10
Let me begin by saying: I Love My Wife. She's great and when we got married, I got the better end of the bargin. And I love her folks. Her dad and I get along great and are close enough on religion and politics that no feuds have yet begun.

But I hate his taste in electronics. Computers, cameras, and home theater stuff. Its not that they are THE worst, but its just that I would never buy those brands or models. He's outgrown 3 PCs in the last 6 years - I've only retired one. He's a Nikon and Sharp kind of guy, I'm a Minolta and Canon dude. His is Pioneer receivers, I'm Adcom seperates (and eyeing tubes).

Well for fathers day, my wife bought me (with the assistance of her dad) a GO-VIDEO DVP855 DVD(CDRW and MP3) player. oh boy
. We have been using my laptop in the living room this winter which is not the best way, but had the element of "poor young married couple" fun to it. I was saving up for a player that was a good audio source. We've already got a cheap CD player that I agreed to because at the time we were without one and she wanted a carasel model and she was the one who would be using it the most.

And I haven't heard it yet either, so mayby I'll be surprised.


I'm going to keep it, this much I've decided. Shinny aluminum paint and all. And she got it for $90 and there's a $20 rebate, so it will be $70 in the end, which is great considering that today the best price I could find on the net was $109 (she got it at RatShack). But how can I tell her that if she is going to get me something like that, take me with her or at least DON'T take dad?

Any suggestions?
(and remember: I LOVE MY WIFE.)

(When I get it hooked up, I'll post a review)
 
     Share This Post       
post-142118
Post #2 of 23

grinch

Cognac....icky.Scotch....icky.Vodka....
Joined
Jan 1, 2002
Messages
3,077
Reaction score
11
Joined
Jan 1, 2002
Posts
3,077
Likes
11
eek man, that's a bad situation. i shudder at the thought of somebody buying me computer/audio/video equipment. computers especially, i'm extreeeemely particular about it.

however, in your current situation, i think i would recommend just biting the bullet and living with it. i'm sure it'll get the job done. besides, maybe some day down the road you'll have an hdtv and then you'll be able to get a new dvd player that's "an upgrade" to progressive-scan.


it's made to make your tv flicker and your transducers vibrate and i'm sure it'll do that much decently well. besides, $70 is a pretty damn good deal for a dvd player.
 
     Share This Post       
post-142120
Post #3 of 23

Flasken

Exhibit A in the case FOR a legal drinking age.
Joined
Dec 24, 2001
Messages
2,319
Reaction score
12
Joined
Dec 24, 2001
Posts
2,319
Likes
12
Man I know exactly how you feel... Except I probably wont be married for another 5-10 years.

Here's the deal: The computer I've got now my dad bought me and my brother as a total surprise gift right after new-years eve. I was really excited when I booted it for the first time... Wow windows XP profesional, Athlon XP 1800+ cpu, Radeon VE?? Aw man that graphics card is worse than the one on my old computer!! But how could i tell my dad`??? He was so happy about this gift, and he should be, but i just hated seeing that wonderful processor go to waste... I've gotta tell you.. I felt really bad about it for a couple of days, and then I told him, in a totally rational way, that the rest of the WONDERFUll and TOTALLY AWESOME system was going to waste because of the graphics card. I tried to educate him about bottlenecks in a system and even showed him, using the madonion database, what an amazing improvement we would get if we upgraded to, say, Geforce 3??

Well, next day, when he came home, he had a GeForce3 in his hand
 
     Share This Post       
post-142124
Post #4 of 23

Flasken

Exhibit A in the case FOR a legal drinking age.
Joined
Dec 24, 2001
Messages
2,319
Reaction score
12
Joined
Dec 24, 2001
Posts
2,319
Likes
12
Oh, YOUR problem, right...

Well, if you told her she probably wouldn't get mad at you.

But you'd have to tell her in a way that shows you really don't like having tell her. You have to be BURNING UP when you tell her. That's right, it's the only way to make her feel bad about herself instead of becoming mad at you. But considering you love your wife so much, maybe you don't want to do that...
 
     Share This Post       
post-142130
Post #5 of 23

andrzejpw

May one day invent Bose-cancelling headphones.
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
6,636
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Posts
6,636
Likes
10
hmmm, just watch out. I mean, I'd live with it. If possible, explain it to your wife. Next year, for x-mas, etc, maybe you could "hint" what models/brands you're looking at?
 
     Share This Post       
post-142133
Post #6 of 23

Audio Redneck

Spaceman Spiff
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Messages
1,463
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Posts
1,463
Likes
10
Quote:

Originally posted by grinch
....however, in your current situation, i think i would recommend just biting the bullet and living with it. i'm sure it'll get the job done. besides, maybe some day down the road you'll have an hdtv and then you'll be able to get a new dvd player that's "an upgrade" to progressive-scan.
...


Yeah, like I said, I'm going to keep it. It will still be a step up from the VCR no matter how you slice it. It has digital outs so I may have an excuse to try an ART DIO before long as well.

Quote:

But you'd have to tell her in a way that shows you really don't like having tell her. You have to be BURNING UP when you tell her. That's right, it's the only way to make her feel bad about herself instead of becoming mad at you. But considering you love your wife so much, maybe you don't want to do that...


Flasken, I hope for your sake that it is 5-10 years before you get married or I don't think you'll see 5-10 years OF marriage
 
     Share This Post       
post-142135
Post #7 of 23

andrzejpw

May one day invent Bose-cancelling headphones.
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
6,636
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Posts
6,636
Likes
10
Quote:

Flasken, I hope for your sake that it is 5-10 years before you get married or I don't think you'll see 5-10 years OF marriage


lol, OUCH.



Hey, just live with the dvd player for now. I mean, do you have one? Keep it for now. Or, buy a new one, and keep that one for show.
 
     Share This Post       
post-142138
Post #8 of 23

Audio Redneck

Spaceman Spiff
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Messages
1,463
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Posts
1,463
Likes
10
Quote:

Originally posted by andrzejpw
hmmm, just watch out. I mean, I'd live with it. If possible, explain it to your wife. Next year, for x-mas, etc, maybe you could "hint" what models/brands you're looking at?


Usually thats what we do because we know exactly what the Christmas budget is and we get a list from the other one. But dad and I are such great buds and I've never said anything bad about his stuff (like "don't ever buy me one of those"). I just usually smile and help them enjoy their latest aquisition.

I'm just glad she got it so cheap. And I just found out that the dude at RatShack suggested getting some better cables because the ones that came with it are pretty cheap - gunna have to check on that outlaw group buy! This may not be so bad after all! ("But honey, YOU TOLD ME the guy at Radio Shack said we needed better cables.)
 
     Share This Post       
post-142140
Post #9 of 23

Zanth

SHAman who knew of Head-Fi ten years prior to its existence
Joined
Oct 11, 2001
Messages
9,570
Reaction score
37
Joined
Oct 11, 2001
Posts
9,570
Likes
37
Hmmm, being newlywed, I can relate. I think not saying anything is bad. I think making her feel bad is bad. Here are a few tips that worked for me.


My dad nevers buys gifts, he leaves it up to my mother...who with a big heart, always tries to get me something nice. However, many times, she fails because she has been taken by some slimey sale-person. To my mom I asked her in the future to consult my wife on things, just so they don't double up on gifts....


Mom is now taken care of ; )

Next up, the wife. My wife is a darling and she lets me spend horrendous amounts of cash on audio gear. Large amounts relative to our income anyway... My wife realizing much ignorance in the items I have a particular interest in, she often goes to friends or her dad for help. I handled a very similar situation by mirroring the scenario. My wife is particular about certain types of make-up, clothing etc. I wanted to surprise her one day with a small gift. I knew she was interested in one particular pair of shoes so I bought them for her. After giving her the gift I casually mentioned that I had considered something else, that my mother had suggested for her (knowing full-well she would hate it). She expressed her gratitude for the gift, for the thought of both gifts and for the suggestion made by my mom. she also expressed gratitude in the choice I made and not taking her advice. She said she had totally diffferent tastes in clothes than my mom and that I should not take her advice. Or atleast consult with my wife first before purchasing.

In response to that, I said: "Wow, that is exactly how I feel about your dad's tastes or <said friend's> tastes" We then made a very pleasant deal to try and keep the other informed about interests and to have small lists of things that could be gifts at some point. This may not be the best idea for all couples but it really works out well for us. My wife knows I need a new graphics card. She has NO clue about them. My father-in-law would suggest something like an all-in-wonder, or a geforce 3....I know I want the ATI RADEON 8500 128 Megs of RAM card...and I can get it for much less than a Geforce3 or a boxed all-in-wonder. I have that on a list of "future purchases." If she ever decides to surprise me...she will know to order from the retailer who sells this card oem and at a great price.


Done.



If you can try something like that, maybe things will be easier on you. The key is to get this outta the way now. Although I too am just starting out in a marriage, am young and poor...I figure deal with this stuff early, in a pleasant rational manner, and the future will at least be a little easier.

Few things are worse than hating a gift and having to pretend to the in-laws that you like it....all the time trying to figure out how to break it, void the warranty and make it look like an accident
 
     Share This Post       
post-142146
Post #10 of 23

andrzejpw

May one day invent Bose-cancelling headphones.
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
6,636
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Posts
6,636
Likes
10
hey, well, I don't have a wife, but I do have a sister!

That's the way we handle gifts to ourselves. We give each other "possible" gifts. Hey, it works!
 
     Share This Post       
post-142181
Post #11 of 23

Nezer

Antibacterial soap... kills bacteria... bad karma?
Joined
Dec 6, 2001
Messages
1,273
Reaction score
13
Joined
Dec 6, 2001
Posts
1,273
Likes
13
Accept the gift graciously, smile at her and tell her you love her and then shut the hell up. Trust me... It's not the gift but the thought that counts, right? Of course it would be great if the thought came with a Wadia 861 but hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hook it up, see if you like it and if not think about modding it.
 
     Share This Post       
post-142191
Post #12 of 23

gaineso

Low Frequency Boat Owner
Joined
Oct 28, 2001
Messages
835
Reaction score
10
Joined
Oct 28, 2001
Posts
835
Likes
10
My SO knows how much I love my toys. Audio/Video and Boating/Fishing.

Years ago, I let her know, in a way that didn't hurt her feelings or create a problem, that if she wanted to get me someting, well let's forget about the surprise. I generally pick out something for less than she intended to spend.

We do the same for her hobbies.

Secrets, even little ones, lies, even the littlest white ones meant to avoid hurt, eventually will hurt. Truth always wins.

And love, true love can handle truth. It can't handle less than the truth. It took a couple of weeks to sort through it, but we did. We're both a hell of a lot happier because of it.

Just my thoughts. BTW, we've been together for 12 years now, but we won't talk about the ones that kept all my Vinyl.
 
     Share This Post       
post-142203
Post #13 of 23

Polygon

100+ Head-Fier
Joined
May 15, 2002
Messages
139
Reaction score
10
Joined
May 15, 2002
Posts
139
Likes
10
This is why I tell people, if you are going to get me something audio, software, computer hardware, pool "billiards" equipment, photo, speakers, or anything else related to my hobbies just give me money or cloths "my relatives know my taste in cloths."

There is nothing I hate more than someone buying me Pioneer anything, when I wanted Kenwood "car" or Adcom, Krell, or Dennon "home."
 
     Share This Post       
post-142206
Post #14 of 23

JML

1000+ Head-Fier
Joined
Oct 26, 2001
Messages
1,198
Reaction score
152
Joined
Oct 26, 2001
Posts
1,198
Likes
152
My wife (we've been married 20 years) and 13-year-old son know that I do not like surprises, when the surprise hasn't been very specifically named as something I want. So they either get me exactly what I want or let me buy it.

Everyone is much happier this way. Of course, my son has started to do the same thing, but he wants stuff I can't afford!
 
     Share This Post       
post-142211
Post #15 of 23

john_jcb

This is a customized witticism.
Joined
Mar 27, 2002
Messages
5,684
Reaction score
13
Joined
Mar 27, 2002
Posts
5,684
Likes
13
My wife and I will have been married 31 years in August and this came up long ago. We talked about it and decided that what we refer to as "technology" is usually expensive and that we each have definite likes and dislikes. So what we do is when it comes to presents we buy personal things for each other. This would be clothes, jewelery, perfume, cds, books etc. When we are tallking "technology" we buy it together. This has worked very well for us.

Since the player isn't that expensive I would not say anything for a while that might take away from the moment but wait awhile and look around fro another if you do not like it. Move this one to the bedroom TV. Have the talk with her in a calm way and it will work out. I have also found that it works both ways, my wife was not always enamored with the things I bought either.

The key is to not to make it an issue but rather a joint decision.
 
     Share This Post       

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top