[Onix]

Hi guys, been a while. It's 4:00 here and I can't sleep. Let's say that there are a bunch of things on my mind rigth now. My wife and I are getting on a rough spot now and I am afraid I could loose her and my kind anytime soon. And that is not a very good prospect, specially since I really miss my boy. But that's not really the reason I am writing now. I was wondering if somebody could give me some advice. You see, I have a debt of $850.00 on my credit card, a secured one I got with Providian some 3 years ago (I am not asking for money, don't worry), and never had a problem until May, and I have been missing payments since. I would not be able to pay for at least another couple months, since most of my money now is going to legal stuff, maintenaince and another rent now. The minimums are just 35 dollars, but sending the money to the U.S. from Mexico costs more than 40 dollars, so I can't do crap about the payments, and Providian won't take foreign funds, specially after all the stuff that happened with their Argentinian customers.

Basically, I think I have the following options:

1- Talk to them in order to find a way to send them money, not a very expensive one so I can cover my debt.

2- Not paying at all (some friend says that they can't hurt my credit, being in Mexico and all, but it doesn't seem fair to me. Besides, I am not so sure they can't reach me here)

3- Get a local credit card and pay my debt with it (sounds viable, but I would just be moving my debt from one place to another, not really paying it).

I would really like to go for number one, but if I could go with number two, hell, I'll take it. I have a bunch of stuff on my hands and feel pretty willing to loose some of it. I need some orientation here, please.

So, anyway, I haven't felt like this for a long time. Can't sleep, my stomach is pretty much messed up and I am loosing weigth fast. I know that if I was single I would not have all this crap in my life, but I really miss my wife and boy.

I don't know why, but for the last year or so I have felt that my dreams and aspirations have gradually become nothing. I used to want to have a great audio system or really expensive headphones, some cool music to show my kid and a bunch of movies. Now, sometimes I wish I did not have to see my wife, or go "home", feeling really, really lonely. Between the problems with my wife, my work and the rest of my convoluted life, all the good stuff that I now have is just the smile and pretty eyes of my baby looking at me like I am the coolest thing he have ever seen. How can I correspond that? How can I be or even try to be a good parent if all my life is falling over me now? Hey, how can I be a good parent when I can't even have a good relationship with my mother?

Damn! I am 34, and all those years of responsabilities and pressure I did not endure are falling over my head really, really fast.

Well, anyway, this is getting weird and way too long. If somebody has some advice, it would be greatly appreciated (sp?). Thanks people.

 

[dcg]

Onix,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things get resolved with your wife and son. Unfortunately, that's an area that I don't have any experience with, but hopefully I can at least offer some advice on your financial troubles.

Take option #1. Give them a call right now, explain your situation, and they should be willing to work with you. Tell them how much you can pay. Remind them that you've been a great customer for 3 years. I work at a credit card company (granted, for only three weeks so far, but nevertheless...) and I know it's much better for them to know that you want to pay and just temporarily can't that for them to be in the situation that they're in now, wondering if they're ever going to see their money and calling you about collecting. Maybe it'll be difficult for them to accept another form of payment, and maybe they won't be able to, but you'll have a much better chance if you take the initiative to call them rather than the other way around.

To be honest, your friend may be right about option #2, I have no idea how credit reports transfer between countries, but I wouldn't want to take the risk. You're only talking about $850 here; it's a good amount of money, but it's nothing compared to what many owe.

As for option 3, it sound like a good idea, but if you aren't going to be able to pay for a few months anyway, you're better off with a company that knows you as a good customer than being delinquent on a brand new account.

Hope this helps, and I hope others chime in with advice on the situation with your wife and son.

BTW, I know you said you're not asking for money, but if you're going to be able to pay in a few months and a $35 loan for a month or two will get you out of a tough situation, shoot me an email (it's in the profile) and we'll work something out.

Dave

 

[JMT]

Onix my friend

First and foremost is to work on the relationship with your wife. I realize that sometimes it is easier said than done, but a successful marriage does take work....on both parties parts. My BW and I have been working on ours for 20 years, and it's better now than ever before. Communication is the key. Whatever the issue is, by talking (not yelling) it out you come together. Also, marriage is a series of compromises (kind of like audio), you have two people and the solution/situation has to be agreeable to both, you need to communicate to come to a mutual solution.

dcg, that is extremely generous of you, what an offer. Onix, I am also willing to help out financially, maybe dcg can take care of a month, and I'll take care of another month. At least buy you some time to work things out with your creditor. But I would not suggest that you walk away, even if it does not affect your credit in your country. After all, eventually someone ends up paying for it. PM me as well.

 

[LTUCCI1924]

Onix
SIR: i know that 850.00 sounds like a lot of money at this time but its not really. A part time job could take care of that very easly. I think that you seem to forget that it was and still is your thinking that got you in this mess. It sounds to me as though your life is a bit unmangeable at this point and you need help with your thinking and that help must be outside of yourself. To give you an example I cant manage my life with out the help and grace of GOD. If I do my will I always seem to do the wrong thing and live a very unmangeable life. But with the grace of GOD and letting him manage my life it all comes together very nicely. I first had to work on me and get me straitin out and all my problems were my thinking. Once I got straitin out with my thinking I was then able to work on my other problems but not befor I changed my thinking. Aceptance is a large part of most peoples problems today and to know the things that you can change and the things that you can not change takes some wisdom that I find that only GOD and his grace can give that wisdom. So please take a deep breath and take these issues to GOD of your understanding. First you then the wife and kid and the bills for with out you there are no wife and kid and bills. You might do something real stupid under great pressure so get off the pressure wagon and start getting the real help that you need. Your self asteam, your honor, proper thinking and happyness and above all The grace of GOD. Good luck and there are 12 step programs for all kind of problems. These 12 step programs are a power greater then your self alone. You need not be alone with these problems if you would just reach out for help. Please reach out and find a meeting for others to talk to about these issues. Please.

 

[mbriant]

Sorry to hear about your marital hassles Onix. My marriage of 13 years dissolved a few years back. Fortunately there were no kids involved, but still, it wasn't fun. Everyone's situation is different so it's difficult for outsiders to do much but provide moral support.

As far as the credit thing goes, If your credit rating is important to you ( and it usually is ), I'd go for solution #3. I don't know about Mexico, but around here there are all sorts of offers from credit card companies giving reduced interest for a few months and encouraging people to transfer their debt from other cards. If you can do that, even if the new card is at full interest rates, at least you don't have to deal with the $40 money transfer fees.

 

[Mr.PD]

Onix, I don't know your exact situation, but I have been in similar ones a couple of times. Do I understand you correctly that you are paying rent on two homes? If so, why? Don't answer me. Just think about why. Is there any way not to pay rent for two homes?
I must agree with the others here about talking to the credit card company. They will often agree to do things you never thought possible.

 

[andrzejpw]

Wow. I just really want to say that I'm very honored to be a part of this community. You've given this guy some great advice, and offers for loans!


Good luck Onix!

 

[eric343]

#1, then #3 if necessary. #2 is a last resort; only take it if you know you won't be able to pay it off before interest rates make it unmanageable. And BE CAREFUL of interest rates!

Also, $850 isn't much when it comes to credit card debt. Not that you'd expect a PFY like me to know, but I've heard stories... You don't want to dig yourself into that hole.

 

[rickcr42]

Damn buddy,that is terrible news.I hope things work out .

Funny thing about marriage-trying to get through the first couple of years can be a bitch dating is NOTHING like living together on a daily basis.) ,then there are some really great years as you finally accept each others quirks,and around the 20 year mark it gets rocky again either due to boredom,mid life crisis,or just sick of each other (I am getiing close to this mark,damn scary).

But from what I can tell,once past the 20 years a couple just settles in for the final stretch either due to "been together this long...........,or ture friendship,or hell-maybe you just are so used to each other you just stay.I dunno

My wife must be a saint to put up with my antics.46 going on 18 can wear a person out

Add to that my high strung "in yo face" nature (poster boy for type A personality) and various other imperfections and ,well ,she must love the **** out of me to still be around.

Have we had problems ?
HELL YES,and then some.But we discuss what went wrong,how the wiring got loopy and work it out.
I was once away for a couple of days (work related) and upon returning home discovered to my horror MY FREAKIN' FAMILY LEFT ME !
To say I was shattered is an understatement.I could not sleep,eat,function.I went to work in a friggin daze (though my co workers could not tell anything was amiss,i do not wear my heart on my sleeve and they had no idea).

Three days later I walk in the door and there was my family,a nice dinner on the table,a big smile on the face of all.The reason for the split never came up until days later,when the wounds were healed and discussion could be rational rather than emotional.
If I can stay mariied this long there is hope for anyone,like I said,a real tough load is the rickmonster.

I hope thiong work out man,do not give up hope,and NEVER bring up old bitching points just to "get even" for a perceived hurt.
A ****load of "yes dears" and "yes honeys" and "OK babes" work wonders.

I will pray for you and your my friend

Rick

 

[Onix]

I have to say I am sorry, you know, for being gone for so long and then coming back just to vent out how bad I felt. I have to say, I was overwhelmed (sp?) and felt like I needed a hug. The thing about the credit card payments where the just the tip of the iceberg for me. It's funny to see how after my pathetic yapping things started to improve. I guess some of your prayers and offers for help just kinda removed the bad vibes around me. Hell, I even had problems with my mom and I am used to it, but this time they were really bad.

But, seriously, things are better. I am getting more work to do, my wife is still nuts, but somehow nicer, my kid is fine and as hyperactive as ever, my mom is bitching as usual, but she says I am a good kid and a friend told me where to get international M.O.s and how to send them to the credit card company at less than the 40 bucks the bank asks for. I guess I just needed a pat on mu back.

Thanks to all you guys, Jon, Dave, Lou, Mike, PD, Andre, Eric and Rickster. I'll be fine, just needed to gather strength.

B.T.W., I wonder if this is part of that "grow up" stuff tell me to do all the time. Maybe.

 

[dcg]

Onix,

Glad to hear things are looking up, I hope they continue to improve. Good luck to you.

Dave