"He was paid entirely in Spanish testicles."
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scrypt

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Am I the only person who goes through this? I was trying to concentrate at work but kept thinking of sentences like these:

The consulate was paid entirely in Spanish testicles.

After a hard night of soliciting (and everyone seems to want a Gulliver's Travels job these days), there's nothing like a hearty game of fondle-the codger's-scalp.

The corpse of John Gielgud stared at its shoes and nodded in agreement.

I think; oddly, I am.

The depressed youth ****ed to three and took out his own forehead.
 
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lini

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scrypt: "The depressed youth ****ed to three (...)" Pardon?


Grinnings from Munich!

Manfred / lini

P.S.: But you're not the only weirdo on the planet, if that's any help. It would be too hard to translate my Bavarian nonsense, though...
 
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Mr.PD

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I don't know if you are the only one but, I do know I am not one.



At least I wasn't until I read your post. Now I can't get those out of my head.
 
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Budgie

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I find language and words to be an endless source of amusment.(at least English, as I am not multilingual) I have learned to keep it as much as possible to myself because most people don't seem to grasp the humor. Thanks for sharing, Scrypt!
 
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redshifter

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"his eyes roamed around the room, then slid down her dress."
 
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mbriant

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Quote:

Am I the only person who goes through this?


I think you might be.


Actually, I think I ate a Spanish testicle once. In Venezuala I ordered a mixed grill platter. I assumed the rather large spherical piece of meat was some sort of meat ball, but when I tried it, it did not have the consistancy of ground beef. It tasted OK so I didn't ask any questions.
 
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kerelybonto

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Testicles do not taste okay. You'd be damn sure it wasnt a meatball. ...

kerely
 
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JMT

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Quote:

Am I the only person who goes through this?


You may not be the only person who goes through it, but I do believe you're one of the very very few who posts it.
 
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scrypt

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Wait, it gets worse. Longer ones plagued me today:

We're sorry, but your Doberman's leg fell off and the only prosthetic limbs available this morning are the kind that play Armenian tangos for epileptics.

Gerhard Richter's "Neon Monkey Abstract" was painted all over the suspect's pulsating hands.

That morning, Otto Fnegth lacked sufficient mental hoo-ha to will his textbook to open at all, let alone act out the examples with floating shoes.

Of course I'm bitter. If only Dad had provided me with the oral homosexual "coming-of-age" gratification that is my birthright, and which normal boys get from *their* parents, why then I'd never have taken ketamine several hundred times without permission.

Piety is like a bedpan, Mister Sidle. Why, you never know it's full until you're desperate -- and even then, you'd better stock up on New Fast-Acting Lysol with Lemon Vigilantes or there will be unsightly yellow stains on the Serly Posturepedic Diaphragm on which you recline nightly, even though it is lodged firmly inside Zaglanglia, the Friendly Giantess. Well sir, I may not be book-learned, but that's the truth as I see it.
 
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JMT

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Ok, now you're scarin me.
 
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scrypt

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Quote:

Originally posted by JMT
Ok, now you're scarin me.


I suppose I should be used to that reaction by now. After all, when I meet people in real life, they're usually devastated. Most of you are unprepared emotionally for the sight of a bedridden Jewish nightclub comedian who recites hoary chestnuts though his IV tube and plays the glass accordion with his voice box (such as it is). But the good part is this: no smoker who's ever met me in the flesh can light up that next cancer stick without the sound of distant tympani or the sight of penumbral strobes outlining cut-out palm trees. In the terminal ward, for instance, where hourly burlesque shows feature Blaize Shingles, and jugglers with Parkinsons form shaky mambo lines to injure themselves for your amusement. Care for an eclair?
 
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RickG

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Urmm, I just ordered a copy of Distorture. Now I'm scarin me...
 
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zzz

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Quote:

Originally posted by RickG
Urmm, I just ordered a copy of Distorture. Now I'm scarin me...


I actually have it lying somewhere in my room but haven't got a chance to read it yet, Kafka's been distracting me
.
 
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RickG

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Quote:

Originally posted by Peddler
**** - and I just got out of therapy!!!


LOL Peddler, if it's not one thing, it's another...

 
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