Does Head-Fi offer cover letter proof-read service?
Mar 24, 2006 at 8:10 AM Thread Starter Post #1 of 13

Luvya

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If so....please give me some feedback
smily_headphones1.gif
Feel free to make any changes...English is not my native language, so I would also appreciate if you can pick out any grammatical error. Thanks!

Attn: Recruiting Manager

(my name)
(My address)

XXXX@yahoo.com
Cell: (XXXX) XXXXXX Home: (XXX) XXXXXXXX
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Recruiting Manager,

I learned about your career opportunity from Monster.com and I submit my cover letter and resume for consideration for the finance/accounting position. I am excited about the prospect of working for your company and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My MBA degree with an emphasis in finance satisfies the educational requirement in your job posting. My previous job as an Accounting Assistant allowed me to have extensive experience in journal entries and monitoring account activities. Both my education preparation and experiences qualify me for this position.

I currently work as a Tax Associate. I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualification for tax credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires significant amount of teamwork. Therefore, I am confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for the success in this position.

I look forward to meeting with you and sharing more about my qualifications and desire to work for your company. Thank you for your consideration.


Sincerely,

XXXXXXXX


Enclosed: Resume
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 8:59 AM Post #3 of 13

jagorev

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Seems pretty good to me. I'd remove the bolded "the" in the following paragraph:

Quote:

I currently work as a Tax Associate. I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualification for tax credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires significant amount of teamwork. Therefore, I am confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for the success in this position.


And I'd get rid of part of the last paragraph, so it looks like this:

Quote:

I look forward to meeting with you soon. Thank you for your consideration.


 
Mar 24, 2006 at 11:53 AM Post #4 of 13

Edwood

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**My corrections and comments in red.

Dear Recruiting Manager,

I learned about your career opportunity from Monster.com, and I submit my cover letter and resume for consideration for the finance/accounting position.(Awkward run on sentence. Break it up.) I am excited about the prospect of working for your company, and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My MBA degree with an emphasis in finance satisfies the educational requirement in your job posting. My previous job as an Accounting Assistant allowed me to have extensive experience in journal entries and monitoring account activities. Both my education preparation and experiences qualify me for this position.

I currently work as a Tax Associate. I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualification for tax credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires significant amount of teamwork. Therefore, I am confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for the success in this position.

I look forward to meeting with you, sharing more about my qualifications, and discussing my desire to work for your company. Thank you for your consideration.


Sincerely,

XXXXXXXX


Enclosed: Resume

**BTW, nearly all your sentences end with a period and only one space after it. Two spaces are the standard, following a period. Other than that critique, your cover letter is a bit redundant, and does not really stand out. No need to pump your credentials in the cover letter, it's all in your resume. Tell something interesting about yourself, and also why you are interested in working for the company you are sending the resume to. Talk less about yourself. Talk more about how you will be a perfect addition to the company.
-Ed
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 12:40 PM Post #5 of 13

fewtch

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Edwood
**BTW, nearly all your sentences end with a period and only one space after it.



HTML has a tendency to do that...
tongue.gif
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 4:51 PM Post #6 of 13

Luvya

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Edwood
**My corrections and comments in red.

Dear Recruiting Manager,

I learned about your career opportunity from Monster.com, and I submit my cover letter and resume for consideration for the finance/accounting position.(Awkward run on sentence. Break it up.) I am excited about the prospect of working for your company, and I am strongly interested in securing an interview with you.

My MBA degree with an emphasis in finance satisfies the educational requirement in your job posting. My previous job as an Accounting Assistant allowed me to have extensive experience in journal entries and monitoring account activities. Both my education preparation and experiences qualify me for this position.

I currently work as a Tax Associate. I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research. My responsibilities include analyzing clients' qualification for tax credits and implementing payroll and tax information. The job requires significant amount of teamwork. Therefore, I am confident that I have the interpersonal skills necessary for the success in this position.

I look forward to meeting with you, sharing more about my qualifications, and discussing my desire to work for your company. Thank you for your consideration.


Sincerely,

XXXXXXXX


Enclosed: Resume

**BTW, nearly all your sentences end with a period and only one space after it. Two spaces are the standard, following a period. Other than that critique, your cover letter is a bit redundant, and does not really stand out. No need to pump your credentials in the cover letter, it's all in your resume. Tell something interesting about yourself, and also why you are interested in working for the company you are sending the resume to. Talk less about yourself. Talk more about how you will be a perfect addition to the company.
-Ed



Allright, I will work on it a little more. Originally, i have a paragraph written to show my enthusiasm for the company and why I would be a good fit, but I was afraid of my cover letter getting too long. If I include that paragraph I will need to lean up other parts of my letter.
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 4:52 PM Post #7 of 13

iq160plus

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I thought the form of his letter followed the templates on resume web sites rather well. As long as it is less than a full page, experience IS proper to include on the cover letter. Personal information fills in the rest of the space.

I agree with the gramatical changes as well as the punctuation suggestions. It is, however, now acceptable to put only one space after a period. I saw this specifically addressed many times, but then I found out it was a font issue:
Modern typefaces are designed to look best with a single space after the period which ends a sentence. Courier, however, is not such a typeface. As a monospace font, it looks best with two spaces after the period.
I must admit that I double space when writing letters, yet I have bad habits in posts, e-mails, and general Internet communications.
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 5:09 PM Post #8 of 13

jjcha

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I do see where Edwood is coming from, and if you're able to successfully do what he's suggesting, great. But I like this cover letter as is. I find people skim cover letters, so what makes them good are as follows:

1. Conveys professionalism and competence;
2. Has a few key flags words/phrases that moves you forward in the process; and
3. Is short, to the point, and shows you know what the purpose of a cover letter is.

The things that make cover letters bad are:

1. Any sloppiness/errors;
2. Any sense of feigned enthusiasm, obvious and ineffective sales efforts; and
3. Lack of purpose/effectiveness, usually evidenced by excessive length.

I think your cover letter does it pretty well and sets up the reader with a good impression for when they glance at your resume. It sets a good frame for their decision to move you forward in the process rather than eliminate you now. I'm guessing that because this is a monster.com posting, the HR person is going to get a lot of cover letters that fail to do that.

Best,

-Jason
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 5:14 PM Post #9 of 13

jjcha

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Oh, I also saw "I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research". The use of "the" sounds weird to me. I don't like replacing it with "an" much more. I might change this to ", where I have been recognized for accuracy in marketing and research".

Best,

-Jason
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 5:18 PM Post #10 of 13

acs236

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Form-wise, the only thing that I haven't seen already mentioned is in this sentence:

Quote:

The job requires [a] significant amount of teamwork.


You're missing an article -- that's all.

As to content, I agree with Edwood. But the importance of a standout cover letter -- and how it should stand out -- varies with the position you're applying for. I'm not sure about your field.

I would suggest being a little bit more discriptive with the award you won -- i.e., did your employer give the award? What does it mean?

Just a bit more info would help.
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 5:30 PM Post #11 of 13

Febs

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Quote:

Originally Posted by iq160plus
I thought the form of his letter followed the templates on resume web sites rather well. As long as it is less than a full page, experience IS proper to include on the cover letter. Personal information fills in the rest of the space.


When I am interviewing people, I will usually just skim a cover letter looking for anything that sets a particular candidate apart from the many other candidates that I will need to look at. Most of the time, I'll spend 5 seconds or less on the cover letter before turning to the resume. If your cover letter is based on a resume web site template and merely restates the information on your resume, it does nothing for me, and it doesn't help you to stand out from all of the other candidates I am interviewing. I don't need to see educational qualifications or work history in a cover letter. I need to see something that will give me something to talk to you about in the interview and help me to remember you after I've interviewed twenty other people with qualifications just as good as yours.
 
Mar 24, 2006 at 8:48 PM Post #13 of 13

Jasper994

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Luvya
I have won the award for accuracy in marketing and research.


This sentence should either read:

I have won an award for accuracy in marketing and research.

OR

I have won the Accuracy in Marketing and Research award.


[size=medium]***Also, the new standard is to only use one space after a period. The old standard is to use two*** [/size]

Depending upon who you are dealing with they may find one, the other, or both acceptable.
 

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