Corny Jokes - the more the merrier
Apr 6, 2015 at 7:07 AM Post #16 of 1,266
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
 
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.
 
How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.
 
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.
 
How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
 
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!
 
How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.
 
If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.
 
What bird can lift the most?
A crane.
 
What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.
What can you hold without ever touching it?
 
A conversation.
 
What clothes does a house wear?
Address.
 
What country makes you shiver?
Chile.
 
What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I'm coming down with something!
 
What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
 
What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
 
What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey.
 
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
 
What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
 
What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't move, I've got you covered.
 
What do bees do with their honey?
They cell it.
 
What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.
 
What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.
 
Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
His powder puff is on the wrong end.
 
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
 
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils.
 
Apr 6, 2015 at 7:09 AM Post #17 of 1,266
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
 
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
 
What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A goat.
 
What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a chairman.
 
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!
 
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
 
What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.
 
What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.
 
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
 
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
 
What has 6 eyes but can't see?
3 blind mice.
 
What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.
 
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
 
What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.
 
What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.
 
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
 
What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
 
What kind of ties can't you wear?
Railroad ties.
 
What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
 
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
 
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink carnation.
 
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
 
What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.
 
What's green and loud?
A froghorn.
 
What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.
 
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.
 
Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.
 
Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
 
Apr 7, 2015 at 12:06 AM Post #19 of 1,266
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? 
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
 
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? 
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
 
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant? 
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
 
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? 
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
 
Q. What do pigs use to heal their wounds ?
A. Oinkment.
 
Q. Why do elephants paint their privates red during hunting season ?
A. To hide in cherry trees.
 
Q. Why do elephants wear sunglasses ?
A. So they won't be recognized.
 
Q. How do you get 5 elephants in a Volkswagen Beetle ?
A. Sit two in the front & three in the back.
 
Q. How can you tell if there are elephants at a party ?
A. Check to see if there's a Volkswagen Beetle parked outside.
 
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW beetle ? 
A: None, the elephants are in there!
 
Q. Why was Tarzan not able to find his elephant ?
A. He was wearing sunglasses.
 
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill? 
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
 
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill? 
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
 
Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man? 
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
 
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? 
A: Take away his credit card.
 
Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls? 
A: Walk him and pitch to the girrafe!
 
Q. Why do ducks have flat feet ?
A. To help put out forest fires.
 
Q. Why do elephants have flat feet ?
A. To stamp out ducks on fire.
 
Q. How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge ?
A. Check for footprints in the butter ?
 
Q: What's the biggest drawback of the jungle? 
A: An elephant's foreskin.
 
Apr 7, 2015 at 4:22 AM Post #20 of 1,266
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
 
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
 
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
 
Apr 7, 2015 at 9:24 AM Post #22 of 1,266
Nope, they may have crawled out, rolled out or been stretchered out, but walking out is not an option.  
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Apr 7, 2015 at 10:52 AM Post #23 of 1,266
Q.  What's does a drinking establishment & an elephant's fart have in common ?
A. One's a bar room and the other is a BARRROOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
 
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
 
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
A: It finally dawned on her! 
 
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted both legs it would fall over!
 
Q: Why do seagulls like to live by the sea?
A: Because if they lived by the bay they would be bagels!
 
Q: What came after the dinosaur?
A: Its tail!
 
Q: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?
A: Rep-tiles
 
Q: What time does a duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn! 

Q: What do ducks get after they eat?
A: A bill! 

Q: What do you call a crate full of ducks?
A: A box of quackers! 

Q: Who stole the soap?
A: The robber ducky! 

Q: What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck?
A: A firequacker!  

Q: Why was the duck put into the basketball game?
A: To make a fowl shot!
 
Q: What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: A receding hare line
 
Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look grandpa, no hands!
 
Apr 7, 2015 at 11:35 PM Post #24 of 1,266
The White Elephant Joke.
Once upon a time there was a big game hunter who , in his travels came upon a white elephant.
Since he was almost out of food and ammunition , he took careful note of the location and battled his way back to civilisation.
When he had sufficiently recovered from the ordeal of his expedition, he determined to go back with sufficient provisions to bag a specimen.
As he didn't have enough funds to finance the expedition, he went about canvassing for support for the venture.
Naturally, all the well heeled and astute businessmen he propositiones laughed the concept off as a farce.
The result was that rumours quickly spread around the traps that his last trip had made him delusional and he had lost his marbles.
As a consequence of these scurrilous rumours, his livelihood of big game treks for amateur rich huntsmen had all dried up.
Within a short time he was down to his last few dollars, and in the bar of the local hotel drowning his sorrows with a cleansing ale.
 
He contemplated his future, and seeing that his reputation was shot, and no work was on the horizon, he fell into a morbid reverie.
He was contemplating suicide as the only way out of his dilemma, when a conversation nearby impinged upon his consciousness.
There were thes five well dressed businessmen debating the best way to engage in a worthwile safari for some good specimens of the local wildlife.
He could not contain himself, he entered the conversation and offered his services to them.
Upon hearing his name, they laughed at his proposal of organising their safari.
In desperation, to get their attention, he told them of the white elephant and how he was the only one that could ensure that they could bag one.
With that four of the businessmen left in fits of laughter and severe ridicule of even entertaining such a proposal.
 
The businessman left with the big game hunter told him that he was a fake.
He told the big game hunter that he was a billionare as well as an expert big game hunter himself.
He said that back in his mansion he had stuffed examples of every animal worthy of  capture, and that he shot them himself, from all over the world.
Moreover he said that he knew there was no such thing as a white elephant, or he would have bagged one by now.
Nevertheless, just in case this preposterous venture was genuine, and as he had nothing better to do, he would take up the proposal on one condition.
That condition was that he would get the first shot at the bleached pachyderm, if it really existed.
The condition was readily agreed to, and plans were expedited so that the safari could leave at daybreak on the morrow.
 
As it was late in the day the big game hunter requested the finances to hire some natives, provisions and the special bait for the white elephant.
When the funds were provided, he hired six natives, the food and ammunition, and then went to the local baker for the white elephant bait.
He ordered a large cream cake with a large strawberry on the top, and stipulated it should be ready at dawn. The baker said it would be ready.
As the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only bait that could attract the mythical white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River and passed over without incident and entered ant country.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for a few hours they found a clearing amongst the bushes there.
The clearing was about 20 metres diameter and the grass was about waist high.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in the bushes,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the bushes, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the bushes, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
 
Sudenly there was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone snapped to attention. the billionaire and big game hunter were there hiding behind a bush with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the bushes and raced through the clearing at breakneck speed.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's white trunk and grabbed the large cream cake with the large strawberry on top.
Without even a moment's hesitation it shoved the cream cake with the strawberry on top into it's gaping maw and disappeared in the bushes on the other side.
The billionaire and big game hunter were flabberghasted at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were now cowered under the bushes with wide white eyes, praying to their deities.
 
When they were able to compose themselves, they realised they only had enough provisions to make it back to town.
So they packed up what was left and headed back to civilisation, and started making plans for their return to bag that bleached beast.
 
After coming out of white elephant country they passed into grey elephant country.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered rhinocerous country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and continued on.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered ant country and continued on.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they reached the Tanginyika River and passed over without incident.
 
They entered the town and made ready immediately for the next expedition.
The billionaire went and hired another six natives as well as a couple of other big game hunters to heighten their chances of a kill.
The big game hunter meanwhile, ordered more food and ammunition, then went to the local bakery.
He told the baker to bake another cream cake larger than the last one with a larger strawberry on top, and have it ready by daybreak.
As the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only bait that could attract the now very real white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River and passed over without incident and entered ant country.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for about six hours they found a clearing amongst the large bushes there.
The clearing was about 40 metres diameter and the grass was about knee high.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in the large bushes,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large bushes, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
Still there is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large bushes, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
And the seventh day was just like the sixth
And the eighth day was just like the seventh
And the ninth day was just like the eighth
And the tenth day was just like the ninth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large bushes, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
Sudenly there was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone snapped to attention. the billionaire and big game hunters were there hiding behind a large bush with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the large bushes and raced through the clearing at breakneck speed.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's white trunk and grabbed the larger cream cake with the larger strawberry on top.
Without even a moment's hesitation it shoved the cream cake with the strawberry on top into it's gaping maw and disappeared in the bushes on the other side.
The billionaire and big game hunters were flabberghasted at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were now cowered under the bushes with wide white eyes, praying to their deities.
 
When they were able to compose themselves, they realised they only had enough provisions to make it back to town.
So they packed up what was left and headed back to civilisation, and started making plans for their return to bag that blanched beast.
 
After coming out of white elephant country they passed into grey elephant country.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered rhinocerous country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and continued on.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered ant country and continued on.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they reached the Tanginyika River and passed over without incident.
 
They entered the town and made ready immediately for the next expedition.
The billionaire went and hired another dozen natives as well as a half dozen of other big game hunters to heighten their chances of a kill.
The big game hunter meanwhile, ordered more food and ammunition, then went to the local bakery.
He told the baker to bake another cream cake larger than the last one with a larger strawberry on top, and have it ready by daybreak.
As the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only bait that could attract the now very recalcitrant white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River and passed over without incident and entered ant country.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for a half a day they found a clearing amongst the small trees there.
The clearing was about 60 metres diameter and the grass was about ankle high.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in the small trees,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
Still there is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
And the seventh day was just like the sixth
And the eighth day was just like the seventh
And the ninth day was just like the eighth
And the tenth day was just like the ninth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the eleventh day was just like the tenth
And the twelfth day was just like the eleveth
And the thirteenth day was just like the twelfth
And the fourteenth day was just like the thirteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifteennth day was just like the fourteenth
And the sixteenth day was just like the fifteenth
And the seventeenth day was just like the sixteenth
And the eighteenth day was just like the seventeenth
And the nineteenth day was just like the eighteenth
And the twentieth day was just like the nineteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the small trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
Sudenly there was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone snapped to attention. the billionaire and big game hunters were there hiding behind a small tree with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the small trees and raced through the clearing at breakneck speed.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's white trunk and grabbed the large cream cake with the large strawberry on top.
Without even a moment's hesitation it shoved the cream cake with the strawberry on top into it's gaping maw and disappeared in the small trees on the other side.
The billionaire and big game hunters were fllummoxed at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were now cowered under the small tree with wide white eyes, praying to their deities.
 
When they were able to compose themselves, they realised they only had enough provisions to make it back to town.
So they packed up what was left and headed back to civilisation, and started making plans for their return to bag that behemoth.
 
After coming out of white elephant country they passed into grey elephant country.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered rhinocerous country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and continued on.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered ant country and continued on.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they reached the Tanginyika River and passed over without incident.
 
They entered the town and made ready immediately for the next expedition.
The billionaire went and hired another couple dozen natives as well as a dozen more available big game hunters to heighten their chances of a kill.
The big game hunter meanwhile, ordered more food and ammunition, then went to the local bakery.
He told the baker to bake another cream cake larger than the last one with a larger strawberry on top, and have it ready by daybreak.
As the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only bait that could attract the uncooperative white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River and passed over without incident and entered ant country.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for a full day they found a clearing amongst the medium size trees there.
The clearing was about 800 metres diameter and the grass was about 2cm high.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in the medium size trees,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
Still there is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
And the seventh day was just like the sixth
And the eighth day was just like the seventh
And the ninth day was just like the eighth
And the tenth day was just like the ninth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the eleventh day was just like the tenth
And the twelfth day was just like the eleveth
And the thirteenth day was just like the twelfth
And the fourteenth day was just like the thirteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifteennth day was just like the fourteenth
And the sixteenth day was just like the fifteenth
And the seventeenth day was just like the sixteenth
And the eighteenth day was just like the seventeenth
And the nineteenth day was just like the eighteenth
And the twentieth day was just like the nineteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty first day was just like the twentieth
And the twenty second day was just like the twenty first
And the twenty third day was just like the twenty second
And the twenty fourth day was just like the twenty third
Yet still there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the medium size trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty fifth day was just like the twenty fourth
And the twentsixth day was just like the twenty fifth
And the twenty seventh day was just like the twenty sixth
And the twenty eighth day was just like the twenty seventh
And the twenty ninth day was just like the twenty eighth
And the thirtieth day was just like the twenty ninth
 
Sudenly there was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone snapped to attention. the billionaire and big game hunters were there hiding behind a couple medium size trees with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the medium size trees and raced through the clearing at breakneck speed.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's white trunk and grabbed the large cream cake with the large strawberry on top.
Without even a moment's hesitation it shoved the cream cake with the strawberry on top into it's gaping maw and disappeared in the medium size trees on the other side.
The billionaire and big game hunters were transmogrified at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were now cowered under the medium size trees with wide white eyes, praying to their deities.
 
When they were able to compose themselves, they realised they only had enough provisions to make it back to town.
So they packed up what was left and headed back to civilisation, and started making plans for their return to bag that pale pachyderm.
 
After coming out of white elephant country they passed into grey elephant country.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered rhinocerous country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and continued on.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered ant country and continued on.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they reached the Tanginyika River and passed over without incident.
 
They entered the town and made ready immediately for the next expedition.
The billionaire went and hired another six dozen natives as well as two dozen more available big game hunters to heighten their chances of a kill.
The big game hunter meanwhile, ordered more food and ammunition, then went to the local bakery.
He told the baker to bake another cream cake larger than the last one with a larger strawberry on top, and have it ready by daybreak.
As the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only bait that could attract the uncooperative white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River and passed over without incident and entered ant country.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for a couple of day they found a clearing amongst the large trees there.
The clearing was about a kilometer diameter and the grass was about 1cm high.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in the large trees,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
Still there is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
And the seventh day was just like the sixth
And the eighth day was just like the seventh
And the ninth day was just like the eighth
And the tenth day was just like the ninth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the eleventh day was just like the tenth
And the twelfth day was just like the eleveth
And the thirteenth day was just like the twelfth
And the fourteenth day was just like the thirteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifteennth day was just like the fourteenth
And the sixteenth day was just like the fifteenth
And the seventeenth day was just like the sixteenth
And the eighteenth day was just like the seventeenth
And the nineteenth day was just like the eighteenth
And the twentieth day was just like the nineteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty first day was just like the twentieth
And the twenty second day was just like the twenty first
And the twenty third day was just like the twenty second
And the twenty fourth day was just like the twenty third
Yet still there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty fifth day was just like the twenty fourth
And the twentsixth day was just like the twenty fifth
And the twenty seventh day was just like the twenty sixth
And the twenty eighth day was just like the twenty seventh
And the twenty ninth day was just like the twenty eighth
And the thirtieth day was just like the twenty ninth
And so another month passed in silence
There is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the third month was just like the second
And the fourth month was just like the third
But still there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the large trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
Sudenly there was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone snapped to attention. the billionaire and big game hunters were there hiding behind a copse of large trees with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the large trees and raced through the clearing at breakneck speed.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's white trunk and grabbed the large cream cake with the large strawberry on top.
Without even a moment's hesitation it shoved the cream cake with the strawberry on top into it's gaping maw and disappeared in the large trees on the other side.
The billionaire and big game hunters were transfixed where they stood at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were now cowered under the large trees with wide white eyes, praying to their deities.
 
When they were able to compose themselves, they realised they only had enough provisions to make it back to town.
So they packed up what was left and headed back to civilisation, and started making plans for their return to bag that pale pachyderm.
 
After coming out of white elephant country they passed into grey elephant country.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After passing through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After passing through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered rhinocerous country and continued on.
After passing through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After passing through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After passing through lion country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After passing through leopard country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After passing through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After passing through zebra country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After passing through gnu country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After passing through elk country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After passing through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After passing through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After passing through baboon country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After passing through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After passing through monkey country for a couple of days they entered meerkat country and continued on.
After passing through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and continued on.
After passing through anteater country for a couple of days they entered ant country and continued on.
After passing through ant country for a couple of days they reached the Tanginyika River and passed over without incident.
 
They entered the town and made ready immediately for the next expedition.
The billionaire went and hired another ten dozen natives as well as five dozen more available big game hunters to heighten their chances of a kill.
The big game hunter meanwhile, ordered more food and ammunition, then went to the local hardware store, as he had a brilliant idea.
He ordered six tons of gravel, three tons of sand and a ton of cement, and built a huge mock cream cake with a mock strawberry on top.
He painted it with cream flavoured paint, and the mock strawberry with strawberry flavoured varnish, and set it on a low wide trolley.
 
A fortnight later, as the sun slowly rose above the horizon in another glorious dawn the billionaire, natives and provisions were positioned on the porch of the hotel.
The awaited the arrival of the big game hunter and his precious parcel of the only fake bait that could attract the unsuspecting white elephant.
They set off and headed for the dark and dense jungle for which Africa is so well known in a heightened sense of expectation and mild trepidation.
 
When they reached the edge of the town, they reached the Tanganyika River but could not pass over.
The poor ageing ferry could not handle the fake cream cake with the ersatz strawberry on top.
So the billionaire had a two lane bridge built which could accomodate this collosal cream cake copy.
And so after the opening ceremony the intrepid hunters and natives crossed over dragging the fake bait behind them.
 
After dragging the bait through ant country for a couple of days they entered anteater country and ****inued on in single file.
After dragging the bait through anteater country for a couple of days they entered  meerkat country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through meerkat country for a couple of days they entered monkey country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through monkey country for a couple of days they entered gibbon country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through gibbon country for a couple of days they entered baboon country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through baboon country for a couple of days they entered chimpanzee country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through chimpanzee country for a couple of days they entered gorilla country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through gorilla country for a couple of days they entered elk country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through elk country for a couple of days they entered gnu country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through gnu country for a couple of days they entered zebra country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through zebra country for a couple of days they entered hyaena country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through hyaena country for a couple of days they entered leopard country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through leopard country for a couple of days they entered lion country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through lion country for a couple of days they entered hippopotamus country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through hippopotamus country for a couple of days they entered rhinoceros country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through rhinoceros country for a couple of days they entered giraffe country and continued on.
After dragging the bait through giraffe country for a couple of days they entered grey elephant country and continued on.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special.......
After dragging the bait through grey elephant country for a couple of days they entered white elephant country and continued on.
 
After walking around in white elephant country for a week, they found a clearing amongst the huge trees there.
The clearing was about a kilometer and a half in diameter and the grass was like the top of a billiard table. You could putt on it.
They placed the cream cake with the strawberry on top in the middle of the clearing and went and hid in thehuge trees,
 
Now, white elephant country is very special, and unlike you are to find anywhere in the world.
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge  trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
 
So they waited guns ready and eyes peering around the clearing for any telltale signs of life. Nothing stirred.
The second day was just like the first.
And the third day was just like the second.
And the fourth day was just like the third.
And the fifth day was just like the fourth
And all this time,
There is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
Still there is no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the sixth day was like the fifth......
And the seventh day was just like the sixth
And the eighth day was just like the seventh
And the ninth day was just like the eighth
And the tenth day was just like the ninth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the eleventh day was just like the tenth
And the twelfth day was just like the eleveth
And the thirteenth day was just like the twelfth
And the fourteenth day was just like the thirteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifteennth day was just like the fourteenth
And the sixteenth day was just like the fifteenth
And the seventeenth day was just like the sixteenth
And the eighteenth day was just like the seventeenth
And the nineteenth day was just like the eighteenth
And the twentieth day was just like the nineteenth
Yet there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty first day was just like the twentieth
And the twenty second day was just like the twenty first
And the twenty third day was just like the twenty second
And the twenty fourth day was just like the twenty third
Yet still there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the twenty fifth day was just like the twenty fourth
And the twentsixth day was just like the twenty fifth
And the twenty seventh day was just like the twenty sixth
And the twenty eighth day was just like the twenty seventh
And the twenty ninth day was just like the twenty eighth
And the thirtieth day was just like the twenty ninth
And so another month passed in silence
There is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the third month was just like the second
And the fourth month was just like the third
But still there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifth month was just like the fourth
And the sixth month was just like thefifth
And the seventh month was just like the sixth
And the eighth month was just like the seventh
And, as expected, there is still no sound there, no birds, no animals nor insects. The only noise there is that which you make yourself.
There is no wind to rustle the leaves of the huge trees, nor is there any clouds passing overhead in the clear azure sky.
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you could also hear yourself and the other safari members breathe.
The only movement there was the sun as it passed overhead during the day, and the moon at night. There wasn't even any heat haze.
And the fifth month was just like the fourth
 
It was getting to the point where their provisions were now desperately low, and they had to pack up and leave or starve.
So, they packed up and were just heading back - and suddenly...
There was the staccato sound of muffled footfalls in the distance.
Everyone raced back to their positions and waited.
The billionaire and big game hunters were there hiding behind a copse of huge trees with their guns cocked ready to shoot.
The natives stood huddled together in wide eyed anticipation of some impending holocaust, as natives are wont to do.
The footfalls grew louder and louder until the white elephant broke through the huge trees knocking them over and uprooting them like weeds.
It raced through the jungle at breakneck speed with trees being flung from it's path as it charged like a runaway locomotive for the fake cake containing clearing, and entered it.
Upon reaching the centre of the clearing, the elephant raised it's huge white trunk and grabbed the large cream cake with the large strawberry on top.
But the fake cake with the fake strawberry on top didn't budge. The huge white mammoth was stopped in it's tracks with a bewildered glaze in it's beady eyes.
The billionaire and big game hunters were absolutely awestruck and entranced at the sight.
They were so amazed they even forgot to shoot. The natives were gone, never to be seen again....
There was no thought of shooting as the billionare and the big game hunters dropped their rifles and stared in slack-jawed amazement at the spectacle before them.
 
The white elephant, now recovered from the experience of being halted in full charge by it's prey, glared ominously at it's prey for a moment.
It then raised it's trunk, and with a malevolent swing, struck the fake cake and a large piece broke off and fell to the turf.
The pachyderm picked it up and threw it high in the air, As it descended the elephant opened it's cavernous craw and the piece fell in.
The elephant proceeded to take another swipe with the same result, and it was also despatched in the behemoth's big belly.
This continued until the whole concrete cake was consumed and only the sinister strawberry was left, lying on the ground as an appetising morsel.
The billionaire and big game hunters could only stand frozen and watch the goings-on with incredulous gazes.
The wondrous white denizen then grasped the fake concrete strawberry and flung it high into the air.
As fake food came barrelling down the elephant once again opened it's monstrous mouth and swallowed it.
The elephant stood there appearing to chew the concrete strawberry and a look of dismay crossed the pachyderm's dial.
There seemed to be something terribly amiss in the elephant's endeavour to swallow the strawberry.
As the beast gasped for breath, it's shiny white hide started turning a rosy red.
The billionaire, upon seeing this, thought that a red elephant mounted in his den would be a far better prize than a white one.
The elephant continued it's laboured breathing as it continued trying to chew. And it began to turn from red to purple as in an apoplexy.
The billionaire thought this was far better as purple was his second favourite colour.
The elphant was becoming extremely distressed at this stage, and began turning blue.
The billionaire was extatic at this sight as blue was his favourite colour, and he could hardly wait to see what would transpire next.
The white elephant's face then transformed into show of extreme panic, and then it fell on it's side and it's whole hairy hide turned a dull grey.
Everybody knows that grey elephants are nothing special................
 
Apr 17, 2015 at 3:09 PM Post #27 of 1,266
First one:

Q: What's the difference between you and a calender?
A: A calender has got a date.

Second one:

A: Which mouse walks on two legs?
B: I don't know.
A: Mickey Mouse. So... Which duck walks on two legs?
B: Donald Duck?
A: False! Every duck!
 
Apr 17, 2015 at 5:32 PM Post #28 of 1,266

Love it !
beyersmile.png

 
More ...
 
 
  
 
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy

 
Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
 
Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
 
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
 
Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed
 
Q: Why is there a gate around cemetaries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!
 
Q: Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure? 
A: Because he was a little shellfish
 
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
 
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match
 
Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it's pointless.
 
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!
 
Q: What do call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
 
Q: What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand?
A: Quattro Sinko
 
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck
 
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
 
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? 
A: A bulldozer!
 
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time
 
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What bow can't be tied? 
A: A rainbow!
 
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment
 
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
 
Q: Where did the computer go to dance?
A: To a disc-o
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time
 
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
 
Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!
 
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? 
A: Because it was not peeling well
 
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
 
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
 
Q: How do you shoot a killer bee?
A: With a bee-bee gun
 
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver
 
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block
 
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
 
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
 
Q: What do you call the security guards who work at the Samsung store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy. 
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
 
Q: What word is always spelled wrong in the Dictionary?
A: Wrong.
 
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It was two-tired!
 
Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short cut.
 
Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary
 
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
A: Ten-tickles
 
Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?
A: a Vel-Crow
 
Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock 
 
Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet! 
 
Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? 
A: Trouble 
 
Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion 
 
Q: What dog keeps the best time? 
A: A watch dog
 
Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A: Firecrackers!
 
Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look grandpa, no hands!
 
Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar! 
 
Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
 
Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator
 
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field.
 
Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: "Smiles", because there is a mile between each 's'
 
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet. 
 
Q: Why couldn't dracula's wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
 
Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh Snap!
 
Q: What did one hat say to another?
A: You stay here, I'll go on a head
 
Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You're too young to smoke!
 
Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A. Sue
 
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A. I just love baskin' robins.
 
Q: Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
A: Because it's a little meteor
 
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He neverlands!
 
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!
 
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
 
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
 
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor
 
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella
 
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
 
Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up!
 
Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA
 
Q: Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks?
A: Mini-soda
 
Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: All of the fans left
 
Q: What did the duck say to the bartender?
A: Put it on my bill
 
Q: How does a squid go into battle?
A: Well Armed
 
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
A: Reality
 
Q: What did the Time Traveler do when he was still hungry after his last bite?
A: He went back four seconds.
 
Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A: A loose Canon.
 
Q: Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
A: He takes things personally.
 
Q: Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas?
A: Clothes, but no cigar.
 
Q: What do you call the sound a dog makes when it's choking on a piece of its owner's jewelry?
A: A diamond in the ruff.
 
Q: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose?
A: Yoga pants.
 
Q: How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?
A: Bring her flours.
 
Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?
A: Because it was cultured.
 
Q: Where do cows hang their paintings?
A: In the mooo-seum.
 
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
 
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? 
A: Because it was soda pressing.
 
Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
A: Wait at a buzz stop!
 
Q: What did the fashion police officer say to his sweater?
A: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
 
Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A Cat-astrophe
 
Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work?
A: His car got toad.
 
Q: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
 
Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!
 
Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
A: Mexi-cans
 
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? 
A: Bison
 
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old
A: The Old Volks home!
 
Q: Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
A: They kept dropping their trunks.
 
Q: What's the most musical part of a chicken?
A: The drumstick
 
Q: What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A: A Bagel
 
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!
 
Q: What did the red light say to the green light?
A: Don't look, I'm changing!
 
Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
 
Q: What would Bears be without Bees?
A: Ears
 
Q: Why did the poor man sell yeast?
A: To raise some dough.
 
Q: How do snails fight?
A: They slug it out.
 
Q: Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
A: Because they peel.
 
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care.
 
Q: Why are penguins socially awkward?
A: Because they can't break the ice.
 
Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance?
A: They go to the meat-ball
 
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneakers
 
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
 
Q: What do you get when you put your radio in the fridge?
A: Cool Music.
 
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: Because it held up a pair of pants!
 
Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A: Bare-foot.
 
Q: What can you serve but never eat?
A: A volleyball. 
 
Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A: So he could have sweet dreams. 
 
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
 
Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
 
Q: How do you find a Princess?
A: You follow the foot Prince.
 
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue with his pizza?
A: He ate it before it was cool!
 
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
 
Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
A: Remorse code.
 
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller
 
Q: Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n?
A: Because n always has to be the center of attention.
 
Q: What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry after dinner?
A: He went back four seconds.
 

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