the Red Eft
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Hey guys, have you heard about the new corduroy earpads?
They're really making headlines!
They're really making headlines!
Corny Jokes - the more the merrier
- Thread starter BobG55
- Start date
Ryokan
Headphoneus Supremus
Two Monkeys getting in the bath.
One says 'Ooo, ooo, ooo, ahh, ahh, ahh'
the other one says 'Well put some more cold in then'
One says 'Ooo, ooo, ooo, ahh, ahh, ahh'
the other one says 'Well put some more cold in then'
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The Jester
1000+ Head-Fier
?
Doggy style …
Both get to watch TV and you’ve somewhere to rest your beer ….
Doggy style …
Both get to watch TV and you’ve somewhere to rest your beer ….
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources manager asked a young engineer fresh out of Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
"And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says,
"Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
"And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says,
"Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
A bear walks into a bar. He says, "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic."
The bartender says, "Sure, but what about the big pause?"
The bear says, "I was born with them."
The bartender says, "Sure, but what about the big pause?"
The bear says, "I was born with them."
fractus2
Headphoneus Supremus
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A man stranded on a desert island sees a boat wash up on the shore with a woman inside. The woman asks the man - How long have you been here?
A long time.
How long has it been since you had a cigar?
A long time.
She reaches down and gives him a box of Cuba's finest. How long has it been since you had a beer?
A long time.
She reaches down and gives him a bottle of ice cold beer. She looks at him coyly and asks - How long has it been since you played around?
You've got golf clubs on that boat?
A long time.
How long has it been since you had a cigar?
A long time.
She reaches down and gives him a box of Cuba's finest. How long has it been since you had a beer?
A long time.
She reaches down and gives him a bottle of ice cold beer. She looks at him coyly and asks - How long has it been since you played around?
You've got golf clubs on that boat?
The Jester
1000+ Head-Fier
Ah Golf …
Guy and his wife playing in the Sunday mixed foursomes .. par four 6th hole and his drive hooks left and ends up behind the greenkeepers shed, totally blocking any shot …. Mumbling about hating taking a penalty drop the other guy in his group says “ wait a minute, if we open both doors and move the tractor inside you’ll get a clear shot at the green “ … “great” says the guy … all done he lines up the second shot and “thwack”, ball goes through the first door, hits the top frame of the second door and whistles back over his shoulder and hits his wife between the eyes, she dropped to the ground …. stone dead ………..
A few years later playing in the club championship, par four 6th hole and his drive hooks left and ends up behind the greenkeepers shed, approaching his ball and seeing it blocked by the shed one of the guys playing with him says “ hang on a minute, we could open both doors of the shed and …. “ Guy cuts him short .. “no,no, have bad memories of a shot like that “ …
”what happened ?”
”Last time I tried that I took a Seven” .
Guy and his wife playing in the Sunday mixed foursomes .. par four 6th hole and his drive hooks left and ends up behind the greenkeepers shed, totally blocking any shot …. Mumbling about hating taking a penalty drop the other guy in his group says “ wait a minute, if we open both doors and move the tractor inside you’ll get a clear shot at the green “ … “great” says the guy … all done he lines up the second shot and “thwack”, ball goes through the first door, hits the top frame of the second door and whistles back over his shoulder and hits his wife between the eyes, she dropped to the ground …. stone dead ………..
A few years later playing in the club championship, par four 6th hole and his drive hooks left and ends up behind the greenkeepers shed, approaching his ball and seeing it blocked by the shed one of the guys playing with him says “ hang on a minute, we could open both doors of the shed and …. “ Guy cuts him short .. “no,no, have bad memories of a shot like that “ …
”what happened ?”
”Last time I tried that I took a Seven” .
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband,
"I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
"I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
When birds fly in a V formation, do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?
because it has more birds.
because it has more birds.
Pharmaboy
Headphoneus Supremus
I thought the answer was going to be, "Because It's a Title-Case V."
Pharmaboy
Headphoneus Supremus
One of my favorite jokes is this oldie:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
My friend Bob teaches music at a private high school in Manhattan. Some of the kids are quite brilliant, so he tweaks them with goofy humor like this. After telling his 8th grade class this joke, one of the kids came up afterward and said, "I can make that joke better." Bob said, "How?" The kid replied, "By adding this part: 'The horse answered, 'Testicular cancer.' "
(Bob was speechless in admiration). I told him, "That kid needs therapy--or a good oncologist."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
My friend Bob teaches music at a private high school in Manhattan. Some of the kids are quite brilliant, so he tweaks them with goofy humor like this. After telling his 8th grade class this joke, one of the kids came up afterward and said, "I can make that joke better." Bob said, "How?" The kid replied, "By adding this part: 'The horse answered, 'Testicular cancer.' "
(Bob was speechless in admiration). I told him, "That kid needs therapy--or a good oncologist."
The Jester
1000+ Head-Fier
Two cows leaning over a gate … one cow says “Moo”…
other cow…. “I was going to say that ! “
other cow…. “I was going to say that ! “
The Jester
1000+ Head-Fier
Two cows leaning over a gate …
first cow… “Are you worried about Mad Cows Disease? “
Second cow … “No, not at all “
”why‘s that”
“ ‘cause I’m a Chicken “
first cow… “Are you worried about Mad Cows Disease? “
Second cow … “No, not at all “
”why‘s that”
“ ‘cause I’m a Chicken “
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