[Tim D]

Consider buying a pricy good quality breast pump from the likes of Medela especially if your hospital does not provide you loaners of hospital grade ones after childbirth. Even if your wife has no problem nursing right off the bat it will remain useful in giving mom some downtime to rest at night, etc and you will definitely enjoy feeding your daughter. If your wife does have issues nursing, a good quality breast pump will help expedite that process because it breaks you out of a chicken/egg loop. i.e. your baby may have difficulty learning to nurse properly if there isn't breast milk there and ready to go, yet the breast milk won't be there and ready to go until your baby learns to really nurse properly. Some couples experience no issues with the nursing process, but for those that do, a good quality breast pump is a must otherwise the well dries up so to speak.

 

[Zanth]

But when sterilizing those parts, make sure your wife doesn't nearly burn down the house. Mine let the water boil off completely. I was studying. Explosive plastic, thick dark smoke...bad for baby and parents alike.

My wife and son had to say away for a week at my grandmother's.

 

[Jussei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oicdn /img/forum/go_quote.gif Being a new dad, who's son just turned 1 this past April 19th, I can tell you as a dad, you've got it EASY. My GF is by far the most admirable person on the planet when it comes to taking care of my son. She's going through me being gone alot since I work out of town, especially now more than ever since I'm on the other side of the country for 6 weeks. But I seem to have roughly the same feelings as you, generally a selfish person, for whatever reasons. I don't do much around the house, and too have a little sanctuary to escape to. It frustrates my GF, but she's not working, and is a full time mother...BY CHOICE. Seems a little prick-ish to say, but along with being a full time mother, she too has given up some things. Caveat is, now all the burden financially falls on my shoulders, so it is a tradeoff. My advice is to change as little as possible, within reason of course. You have to understand, although you put the little one ahead of yourself, you can't expect to make that little lady happy, if you yourself aren't. Anybody that says your life is over, and things have to change are people who just are stupid who can't solve simple problems with even simpler solutions. Nothing has to change (again, within reason), only your attitude and outlook has to. I've learned that the only habits I've changed are that my funds are now allocated to a different purpose. But I still spoil myself, just not in as much excess. I've found myself in my sanctuary more than usual, because I don't have the funds to enjoy doing things as often, but it's good compromise, and **** still gets done while keeping myself happy. As far as soothing an upset baby....it comes naturally. And more often than not, simply due to your increased workload, she will be the person to be handling most of that. not to say you never will, but if your any kind of non-idiot who can simply deduce options, you'll figure it out. It's one of only so many things: 1. Hungry 2. Sleepy (which is usually cured by #1) 3. Teething (which comes later, which can be solved with typical topical products). 4. Dirty diaper 5. Gassy/Colic (which is EASILY fixed/prevented by buying Dr. Brown bottles. Those things are lifesavers, and worth 10 times their weight in gold. And if lactose intolerant, just buy soy milk, or use Nutramigen if still on formula). If you have the bottles, you've eliminated most of the reason why babies cry. I will tell you my son NEVER cried from being gassy when using those bottles. Straight out of being born, he slept in 4 hour spurts, and ALWAYS slept throughout the night. He now sleeps, no joke, from 9pm to 9am, all night without waking up. Lets see your kid do that, lol. After the bottles, there's not really much else. If you can deduce that they've been fed and have a clean diaper, it's an obvious choice that it's something obvious. Atleast for me it has been. My GF always gets pissed that whenever I take care of him with her around, that he's never fussy. And he's teething. I think with my head, and she likes to think with her heart...hugs and kisses don't stop a baby who can't tell you what is wrong...again, deductive reasoning. What's funny about names is, nobody ever wants to commit to a non-safe name. When I told my GF I wanted to name my son after a borough in New York (Brooklyn), she thought I was nuts. Then, when he was born and he was named it, EVERYBODY thinks it's a cool name to name somebody, and original. No doubt it's original...and I love his name. And nothing else fits the little guy. With names...just go with something original...and stick to your guns. As with all advice when it comes to raising kids, results vary...take it with a grain of salt. If you don't listen to ANYTHING I've said...atleast to the advice with the Dr. Brown bottles. Trust me, they suck to wash, and are a bit more expensive, but it's definitely better than months of hearing a crying gassy baby. And use deductive reason to figure out why she's screaming her head off, rather than just rocking her hoping she cries herself to sleep while pulling your hair out afterwards..... P.S. If you haven't noticed, I'm VERY proud of fatherhood, and even more proud at how painless raising my son has been by thinking things through first.

Wow, thanks Nate. I'm beginning to start a list of items that will make things a bit easier. I hadn't heard of the Dr. Brown bottles, but they are definitely on the list now.

 

[Jussei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer5150 /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hmm no, I haven't seen or heard of that. My suggestion would be to get the kid in a crib asap... the sooner the better. Develop their sleep routine early. If you introduce too many variations, it can lead to sleep problems, disorders and the inability to calm/sooth themself to sleep. Neither of my kids were great sleepers... they are now though, but it was a lot of routine and discipline on our part as parents to establish the routine.

We intended to do the crib thing ASAP as you've said, so I'm glad I have a source confirming effectiveness.

 

[Jussei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tim D /img/forum/go_quote.gif Consider buying a pricy good quality breast pump from the likes of Medela especially if your hospital does not provide you loaners of hospital grade ones after childbirth. Even if your wife has no problem nursing right off the bat it will remain useful in giving mom some downtime to rest at night, etc and you will definitely enjoy feeding your daughter. If your wife does have issues nursing, a good quality breast pump will help expedite that process because it breaks you out of a chicken/egg loop. i.e. your baby may have difficulty learning to nurse properly if there isn't breast milk there and ready to go, yet the breast milk won't be there and ready to go until your baby learns to really nurse properly. Some couples experience no issues with the nursing process, but for those that do, a good quality breast pump is a must otherwise the well dries up so to speak.

My wife has one, so I'm sure we'll be putting it to good use.

 

[Tim D]

Dr. Brown bottles are not Bpa-free. Feel free to google and do research on bpa, there is something called the Z report as well that can help you. My wife bought pricy Born-free bottles but I don't like how many parts I have to clean and they are the most expensive choice since they are strongly marketing themselves as being Bpa-free, however you can easily find cheaper alternatives such as Sassy/Mam. Most modern bottles worth anything will have venting. You will know if a bottle doesn't have venting when you see your baby fighting against an air vacuum when feeding. Medela bottles don't have venting so don't buy nipples for them, just use them as storage.

Do not give your baby water, it kills the kidneys. My mom and mom-in-law would suggest otherwise, but sorry, mom is wrong in this instance (if there is anything that 'grandma' wants to do with the baby ALWAYS double-check. Once they start teething around 6 months or so, a small amount to rinse and keep the teeth and mouth clean is fine.

Nursery water is cheap water and is a total scam. Not only is giving plain water bad for them...this company makes it worse by adding flouride. There is no point to add flouride in the water before your baby is teething, and there is no point in adding flouride after. Remember, babies are tiny and everything they are exposed to and take in is proportional to their size, so things that would not bother you could very well bother someone 1/15th your mass.

My baby outgrew the crib quickly and now sleeps with me and my wife, but in the early months definitely keep 'em in the crib. I am not recommending this for everyone, my friend is a neurosurgeon and has had to console parents who had killed their child by rolling over (apparently a heavy-set father as well). But we have a nice big bed, our baby has grown a bit, we are not very big ourselves, and we do not roll over or toss or turn. Plus waking up and seeing your daughter just looking at you is better than any coffee.

 

[oicdn]

Wow...I wasn't aware of the BPA thing, but I never warmed up the milk up in the bottle.

The whole baby water thing like TimD says is a scam. Just go and buy DISTILLED (not drinking) water.

My GF couldn't breast feed, so we were lucky in that sense. No need to worry about him not liking bottles/formula and only boob.

I'm a HUGE SIDS advocate. I subscribe to their newsletters and everything. I would suggest getting yourself familiar with SIDS as well. I lost a niece from SIDS, and it's a HORRIBLE experience. EVERY baby is prone to it, so it's not just an isolated thing to race or genetics...so I would DEFINITELY get yourself informed.

 

[funniecow]

I don't have a kid, but I help watch the kids-babies from time to time. 4months-8yrs old, and I must say. Don't expect your wife to know everything. If you put too much pressure on her, she'll doubt herself. I've seen a many aunts who doubt themselves because they aren't educated on how to take care of a child.

Well they do, but you know hwo it is. Once you have your own you panic and you over do things.

As for having a dughter, I feel lsorry for you. They will manipulate the life out of you. You think "what can this kid do, it's a kid" but that kid will be living with you 24//7 and they are little observant beings that will push your buttons.

 

[Jussei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tim D /img/forum/go_quote.gif Dr. Brown bottles are not Bpa-free. Feel free to google and do research on bpa, there is something called the Z report as well that can help you. My wife bought pricy Born-free bottles but I don't like how many parts I have to clean and they are the most expensive choice since they are strongly marketing themselves as being Bpa-free, however you can easily find cheaper alternatives such as Sassy/Mam. Most modern bottles worth anything will have venting. You will know if a bottle doesn't have venting when you see your baby fighting against an air vacuum when feeding. Medela bottles don't have venting so don't buy nipples for them, just use them as storage. Do not give your baby water, it kills the kidneys. My mom and mom-in-law would suggest otherwise, but sorry, mom is wrong in this instance (if there is anything that 'grandma' wants to do with the baby ALWAYS double-check. Once they start teething around 6 months or so, a small amount to rinse and keep the teeth and mouth clean is fine. Nursery water is cheap water and is a total scam. Not only is giving plain water bad for them...this company makes it worse by adding flouride. There is no point to add flouride in the water before your baby is teething, and there is no point in adding flouride after. Remember, babies are tiny and everything they are exposed to and take in is proportional to their size, so things that would not bother you could very well bother someone 1/15th your mass. My baby outgrew the crib quickly and now sleeps with me and my wife, but in the early months definitely keep 'em in the crib. I am not recommending this for everyone, my friend is a neurosurgeon and has had to console parents who had killed their child by rolling over (apparently a heavy-set father as well). But we have a nice big bed, our baby has grown a bit, we are not very big ourselves, and we do not roll over or toss or turn. Plus waking up and seeing your daughter just looking at you is better than any coffee.

Hmm... I wasn't aware of water being damaging. I've taken a mental note.
BPA! Something else to worry and obsess about.
I'd be ultra-paranoid about rolling over on a baby that slept with my wife and me. I flail around madly when I sleep (so I'm told) and I've hit my wife and hurt myself on several occasions while asleep. So we both figured a crib is optimal for as long as possible.

 

[Jussei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oicdn /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow...I wasn't aware of the BPA thing, but I never warmed up the milk up in the bottle. The whole baby water thing like TimD says is a scam. Just go and buy DISTILLED (not drinking) water. My GF couldn't breast feed, so we were lucky in that sense. No need to worry about him not liking bottles/formula and only boob. I'm a HUGE SIDS advocate. I subscribe to their newsletters and everything. I would suggest getting yourself familiar with SIDS as well. I lost a niece from SIDS, and it's a HORRIBLE experience. EVERY baby is prone to it, so it's not just an isolated thing to race or genetics...so I would DEFINITELY get yourself informed.

Babies can have distilled water? I was always under the impression that it will kill adults if consumed for certain durations since it leeches out all of the bodies natural nutrients (namely salt).
I could be wrong on this.

 

[Zanth]

Hmmm, some good advice and some inconclusively sound advice I've been seeing.

First up, distilled water: absolutely fine to drink. Regarding giving babies water, as Tim stated...Grandmas often say yes...but it is a big big big big big NO! Water offers no nutrition to a baby which they so desperately need in the early months. What they need at all times is breast milk (as the ideal) and formula as a far off second. Water fills their tiny bellies and reduces their overall feeding reflex for a time until the lack of sustenance causes them to wig out in a total hungry frenzy. They need the fat and proteins from the milk along with the free floating glucose as a quick pick me up, but the fat is the big deal there. If a child is showing sings of dehydration...often times because of poor milk flow from the mother or a poor latch on the nipple of the mother or bottle, then it is best to contact the pediatrician for help, and the Laleche league (is that in the US?) or something similar with his an awesome source for breast feeding issues.

Regarding SIDS, co-sleeping is on the rise because co-sleeping is known to REDUCE SIDS. I read along with my wife, gosh, at least 40 papers and long term studies regarding SIDS and co-sleeping. Rolling on a child is NOT SIDS. This is called suffocation! If a person is stoned, drunk, or horribly obese, sure don't co-sleep but these have nothing to do with SIDS.

SIDS is almost always associated with children in cribs or playpens (hence it being nicknamed crib death) and the absolute cause is not entirely certain. Not every child is prone to it, but every child could suffer from it. This is a major difference. I might get cancer, but my wife's family has a rather devastating history of it. So the likelihood of her getting some form vs. me with no history of it in my family, is greater.

It is known however that homes where the parents smoke or use heavy perfumes/colognes seem to have a higher prevalence of SIDS. This is indicative of an inflamation of the nasal passage and down towards the bronchial tract. Of those poor children who died of SIDS, some studies indicate that upwards of 75% of them had smoking parents.

My wife and I co-slept with our son until he was 2.5 and then when our daughter was born we started to co-sleep with her. The sleeping with our son was very good and he still sleeps in our room most nights (he has a toddler bed on my side). My daughter however is quite a restless sleeper and really tried to take over the bed. She needed to be in a crib once she hit about 14 months. My wife still goes and gets her though every now and again out of nostalgia.

I don't have the studies handy but I can get my wife to list them out, she's completely intense about all things babies and has all the stuff in a database I made for her.

Co-sleeping works for many families and was the preferred sleeping arrangement for humans until just about 100 years ago. Think about that, pretty well all mammals and humans up to about 100-150 years ago co-sleep/slept with their young! It makes sense, a baby spends 9 months growing inside of a warm cosy secure environment, hearing mum's voice 24/7, feeling her and smelling her. Then, out through this dark tunnel into the light and BAM! whisked away by women in white, off to a cold sterile bed, no matter how warmly and tightly they are swaddled. Wrapped in blankets they are sent off to a nursery stuck with rows of other newborns only to be rejoined with their mother at feeding time and when the "okay" has been given by head nurse.

This practice thankfully has mostly been abolished in the US and Canada over the last 20 years and now not only are babies immediately dropped to a mother's chest to get her body heat, smell her, hear her, but the babies are mostly kept in the room with the mothers (at least in Canada) unless there is a serious medical condition requiring either the mother or child to be isolated.

Then once home the parents have an option...send off the baby to be alone for hours upon hours or, co-sleep with the mother there right by their side, about as good as it can get. For those women endowed well enough to "side nurse" they don't even have to be fully awake during night feedings. If a bottle is the chosen method during the night feeding, a timed bottle chiller/warmer can setup in the room ready for mum or dad to feed the child without having to move from the bed.

Co-sleeping is natural and is very beneficial to the family. It isn't for everyone though and I'm not trying to advocate that. However, it is natural and has been the method used for humans since the dawn of man and is still the primary method used by most if not all mammals. Some children take to it very very well (like my son) and it saved many waking hours during the night.

My wife and I don't really drink and neither of us smoke or do any drugs and neither of us were on prescription meds so we were safe in doing it. We made sure our blankets only covered our lower torso and that the sheet that come up to our necks was very very thin and easy moved by a swipe of an arm. It can take effort and some might hate it, but don't discount it on the fear of SIDS. Co-sleeping is known to have reduced instances of SIDS and the new data continually being pumped out is very much consistent with previous studies.

oicdn: I'm very sorry to read about your niece. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child, particularly one so young

 

[-=Germania=-]

I am the oldest of five children (youngest is 6 -since january).

I can tell you to invest in some nice open and small portable system like a Sansa clip and KSC-75. Something that is cheap and can get spit up on, because it will.

Many times the baby just wants to be held, its a basic human instinct. This way, you can hear the baby and still listen while walking around. I wouldnt suggest it for most of the time, but for when you are watching the baby sleep or doing trivial tasks - it is a good idea.

The truth is that when this baby comes, you wont be so concerned with your audio as you are now. I know you think that you will, but you won't.

My suggestion is to just let the equipment rest for a bit. You will get back to it in 6 months. The baby just need to sleep through the night first.

I would suggest that you let your friends know that you will not be availible as much for that first amount of time.

BTW: If you have ever helped a puking friend, changing a diaper is nothing! If you have ever wiped your own butt, it is about the same thing, only on a much smaller scale.

I have changed hundreds of diapers and I can say that you have nothing to worry about. Be gentle and ease into everything.

Don't get frustrated with little things and just realize that the baby cannot help its actions. It crys because it has no other way to let you know.

Also, by LOTS of rash creme!!!!!!!!

I have no idea why, but babies need this at every changing. If you forget a few times...you got a baby in pain.
I would only worry about it for the first 9 months and then it should be a weekly treatment by then.

INVEST IN THE GOOD BABY WIPES!
You will thank me for this.

Those LUVs diapers are crappy for babies under 1 year and cause nothing but skin irritation and ventilation issues.

Costco caries its own brand of cloth-feel diapers and those work just as well as the huggies and cost the same as the LUVs.

Even while eating, many times, you should pat them lightly while they are eating. This makes it so that there is less spitting up and less burping sessions. Plus, it means that it doesnt get on your shirts- stays in the tray or on the bib.

If you have any more detailed questions, feel free to PM me. I have been a second mother to the younger children in my family for most of my life and this has given me a lot of experience. Granted, I have yet to have my own child...but I have dealt with the midnight wakings and feedings and all of that. (My parents put the Baby in the Room next to mine and kept a baby monitor in my room as well. Their room was downstairs, directly beneath mine.)

If you worry too much, it is normal. First time parents worry about everything. Just follow the standard and you should be fine.

 

[nickyboyo]

Firstly congratulations bud, there is truly nothing better than being a father, the making of the baby is the easy part, bringing them up until they are old enough to fend for themselves is the hard part.

Make the most of your listening equipment while you can, headphones come in handy when they are the screaming stage- but take it from me, as soon as he/she starts chatting away take the 'phones off and enjoy every moment you can with your kids- they grow up far too fast.

All the best and congratulations once again, good luck

 

[oicdn]

Co sleeping ftw.

I sleep like a rock, but you'de be surprised at what having the little guy (lady in your case) does sleeping next to you. It will completely change your habits. My GF got mad because he always slept on my chest when going to bed, or when he was a newborn since I did the night feedings. An example of when he was a newborn:

lol...sappy I have pictures like that....I know...

My son still sleeps with us at 1 year. We've now started putting him in the crib later at night....both as a check up measure in the middle of the night, and to give us a little more room on the bed before I have to wake up for work.

The distilled water is good because it has no nutritional value or mineral. Not so much that as it is completely filtered and everything out of it COMPLETELY. It's not really something to worry about, but it's also one less thing to worry about.

Lastly, don't stress man...you'll be alright. I didn't think I was ready for **** since I'm practically a kid at heart myself, but alot of it will come instinctively...believe me. Just think things through, and you'll be alright...and most of all, congrats!!!!

 

[lmilhan]

Congrats!

I have no kids of my own, and my wife and I don't plan on having any. I have been procrastinating about getting "snipped" for a while now, but reading through this thread has definitely lit a fire under my ass to get it done ASAP! Thanks for the motivation Head-Fi!