Audiophile List of Excuses
post-215984
Thread Starter
Post #1 of 14

shivohum

Keeper of the Quotes
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Messages
903
Reaction score
11
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Posts
903
Likes
11
Any headphone audiophile worth his salt has to face those inevitable sad occassions when a misinformed plebeian dares to attack a beloved headphone. What separates the great audiophile, then, from the poseurs, is foresight.

In the spirit of that wisdom, I've composed a handy checklist of things to fault when you wish to deflect blame from the headphone itself. Start from the beginning and work your way down if an excuse proves inadequately effective.

The Setup:
* You didn't break the headphone in.
* You didn't break the headphone in.
* That's right, it still hasn't been broken in.
* Ah, but you broke it in using the wrong kind of music.
* And at too low a volume.
* And at too high a volume.
* You didn't start low and go high.
* You didn't use bass-intensive music.
* You didn't use treble-intensive music.
* If you used bass or treble intensive music, you've ruined the headphones.
* Anyway, any idiot knows that headphones should be broken in with white noise, not music!
* You didn't use pink noise?!
* It's still breaking in. Give it a while.
* It's broken in but needed to be warmed up.
* Keep warming, buddy.
* Can't let it catch a cold, y'know
* You warmed it up using the wrong music
* It's broken.

Then the amp:
* Simply copy all the break-in and warmup excuses and transfer them here.
* You're using an inadequately powered amp.
* You're using an amp that uses AC on a headphone sensitive to power. Use a battery-powered amp instead.
* The amp doesn't have strong enough bass.
* The amp has boomy bass.
* The amp is shrill
* The amp is dull
* The amp is <all the bad characteristics of the headphone>, so actually the headphone is perfectly transparent.
* The amp is tube-based, and the headphone requires solid state.
* The amp is solid state, and the headphone requires tubes.
* The amp is tube-based, but only SETs qualify.
* The amp is tube-based, but how do you expect the headphone to sound with that monstrous transformer slowing things down?
* The amp is tube-based, but you're not using the NOS TeleSiemens 2828 1922 special, the ones you get at Christie's for $7800 a matched pair.

Then the source:
* Simply copy all the break-in and warmup excuses and transfer them here.
* You're using a portable CDP. That exonerates the headphones right there.
* You're using a soundcard! And you dare open your mouth?
* Whatever's wrong with anything, it means you don't have a good enough source.
* It doesn't matter HOW much you spent on it.
* Or it lacks synergy with the headphones
* Or it lacks synergy with the amp
* Or it lacks synergy when the amp and the headphones are combined.
* The source is <all the bad characteristics of the headphone>, so actually the headphone is perfectly transparent. Except for the amp problems.

Then the cable:
* Simply copy all the break-in and warmup excuses and transfer them here.
* You only spent $300 on your interconnects, and dare to open your mouth?
* But they were the wrong pair of interconnects. The flooby dust kind.
* Lacks synergy with the headphones
* Lacks synergy with the amp
* Lacks synergy with the source
* Or with this particular configuration of those three components
* The cable is too long
* The cable is too short
* The cable is too revealing
* The cable is too forgiving
* The cable is too neutral
* The cable is wrong, wrong, wrong, and actually embodies <all the bad characteristics of the headphone>, so actually the headphone is perfectly transparent. Except for the amp problems.

Don't forget to transform the cable list as necessary to attack a reviewer's power cables, power generators, power cleaners, power filters, power sources, dedicated power lines, radio interference, and so forth.

Tweaks:
* You didn't use the right vibration control.
* You didn't use enough vibration control.
* You used too much vibration control.
* You didn't check the AC polarity.
* You didn't check the absolute phase.
* You didn't use a CD Mat.
* You didn't clean the CD.
* You didn't freeze the CD.
* You didn't mark up the CD.
* You didn't sacrifice goat blood at the proper time.

Then, the recording:

* All the recordings you used sucked.
* The genre sucked.
* The artists sucked.
* The venue sucked
* The miking sucked
* Your recording must be defective.

Finally, the person:

* You haven't heard enough headphones to make your judgment.
* You haven't heard enough amps. Sources. Cables. Systems.
* You haven't heard with them with enough music.
* You haven't heard them long enough.
* You own them so you're biased.
* You sold them so you're biased.
* You don't own them so you're biased.
* You must be deaf.
* You are deaf
* You love Bose.

DISCLAIMER: A little cynical, but this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and not genuinely insulting to any particular person. Except those of you whom it expressly targets. You know who you are
 
     Share This Post       
post-215993
Post #2 of 14

Blighty

100+ Head-Fier
Joined
Jan 19, 2002
Messages
376
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jan 19, 2002
Posts
376
Likes
10
I think you left out the magical power cords and CD demagnetizer/degaussers
 
     Share This Post       
post-215994
Post #3 of 14

kin3tix

500+ Head-Fier
Joined
Aug 27, 2002
Messages
644
Reaction score
0
Joined
Aug 27, 2002
Posts
644
Likes
0
jeebus shivohum how long did that you! i can't bear to finish it now. i'll span the reading from now until saturday
.
 
     Share This Post       
post-216029
Post #4 of 14

wallijonn

Throwin' tantra.
Joined
Oct 15, 2002
Messages
7,242
Reaction score
13
Joined
Oct 15, 2002
Posts
7,242
Likes
13
loved the 'you own them so you're biased' and the 'you sold them so you're biased'. LOL.
 
     Share This Post       
post-216076
Post #5 of 14

ServinginEcuador

Founder of the Head-Fi Pay-to-Post Program.
Joined
Sep 1, 2002
Messages
8,384
Reaction score
14
Joined
Sep 1, 2002
Posts
8,384
Likes
14
Shivohum,

I thoroughly enjoyed reading te list and got quite a kick out of it!!! Thanks.

But really, you have WAY too much free time on your hands!! (Translate that into I am jealous I didn't think of it myself!!!
)
 
     Share This Post       
post-216117
Post #6 of 14

BenG

500+ Head-Fier
Joined
Jun 28, 2001
Messages
784
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 28, 2001
Posts
784
Likes
10
The recording should've been first, but atleast its before B
e
 
     Share This Post       
post-216137
Post #7 of 14

DarkAngel

DarkAngel's a man, baby!
Joined
Aug 22, 2001
Messages
7,235
Reaction score
13
Joined
Aug 22, 2001
Posts
7,235
Likes
13
Just add two thoughts:

Mr Audiophile recently paid $2,000 for "x" and he just heard Elmo's $500 "y" and it sounds better (someone feels like a fool, guess who)

Mr Audiophile just paid $2,000 for "x version II" and one month later "x version III" is released (someone feels like a fool, guess who)
 
     Share This Post       
post-216140
Post #8 of 14

dohminator

500+ Head-Fier
Joined
May 15, 2002
Messages
563
Reaction score
0
Joined
May 15, 2002
Posts
563
Likes
0
Quote:

* You didn't sacrifice goat blood at the proper time.



So that's what I've been doing wrong.
 
     Share This Post       
post-216153
Post #9 of 14

aeberbach

Headphoneus Supremus
Joined
Sep 20, 2001
Messages
1,807
Reaction score
11
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Joined
Sep 20, 2001
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Posts
1,807
Likes
11
For cables, you forgot the one about accelerating it to the speed of light, freezing it, inserting it in a length of garden hose and filling up the space with magic dust.
 
     Share This Post       
post-216163
Post #10 of 14

SumB

500+ Head-Fier
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Messages
818
Reaction score
10
Joined
Jun 21, 2001
Posts
818
Likes
10
Humorous as well as educational. Good job
 
     Share This Post       
post-216191
Post #11 of 14

CaptBubba

Not dumb enough fora custom title...so he thought.
Joined
Jun 30, 2001
Messages
1,615
Reaction score
11
Joined
Jun 30, 2001
Posts
1,615
Likes
11
Don't forget:

the recording:
* The music was in format x, so it isn't valid.
* The music was't in format x, so it isn't valid
* You used the remaster, it isn't valid.
* You didn't use the remaster, it isn't valid.
* Some of those discs have copy protection which make them sound bad, like yours obviously does
 
     Share This Post       
post-216214
Post #12 of 14

dhwilkin

Headphone audiophiles are practically the stuff of legend.
Joined
Jun 20, 2001
Messages
4,426
Reaction score
11
Joined
Jun 20, 2001
Posts
4,426
Likes
11
Hehe, it's funny because it's true.


Don't forget:
- Your stuff needs to be cryo-treated.
- You didn't do a DBT, so you're self-delusional.
- You did do a DBT, but since it's impossible to do one correctly, you're still self-delusional.
- You can't numerically prove the sound is better, so it must not be better.
- You forgot to sacrifice a crappy Sovtek tube to the audio gods.
- You're USING a crappy Sovtek tube, no wonder the sound sucks!
 
     Share This Post       
post-216458
Post #13 of 14

Matthew-Spaltro

1000+ M-m-er:Larthenon Marthenon.
Joined
Apr 28, 2002
Messages
2,322
Reaction score
12
Joined
Apr 28, 2002
Posts
2,322
Likes
12
Quote:

Originally posted by DarkAngel
Just add two thoughts:

Mr Audiophile recently paid $2,000 for "x" and he just heard Elmo's $500 "y" and it sounds better (someone feels like a fool, guess who)

Mr Audiophile just paid $2,000 for "x version II" and one month later "x version III" is released (someone feels like a fool, guess who)



I hope you have a good job.
 
     Share This Post       
post-216472
Post #14 of 14

ServinginEcuador

Founder of the Head-Fi Pay-to-Post Program.
Joined
Sep 1, 2002
Messages
8,384
Reaction score
14
Joined
Sep 1, 2002
Posts
8,384
Likes
14
Quote:

Originally posted by DarkAngel
Just add two thoughts:

Mr Audiophile recently paid $2,000 for "x" and he just heard Elmo's $500 "y" and it sounds better (someone feels like a fool, guess who)

Mr Audiophile just paid $2,000 for "x version II" and one month later "x version III" is released (someone feels like a fool, guess who)



What about:

Mr Audiophile just bought product "x" from company "y", just after the return period ends, company "y" reduces price for product "x" by 50%.

Mr Audiophile just bought product "x" from company "y", just after the return policy ends company "y" announces new and improved models "z" and zz" that sound better, have more bass, sound more natural, have a bigger soundstage, and cost 25% less!!


UUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I hate when either of these happen. and yes, they both have happened to me at one time or another.
 
     Share This Post       

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top