Schiit Audio Coaster

The whole audio industry hates them because of this amplifier. The Schiit Coaster is the TOTL headamp for years to come. I'm risking my life telling you about this, but the current audio dominion must be destroyed. At around $100 it is the endest of games, the highest of ends and a slayer of all.​

Introduction​

Schiit Audio is a company formed by industry veterans who had to go into hiding after discovering solutions that would push the audio industry 100 years forward. Just as engineers who work on alternate power sources hide from those who own and run the oil industry, Jason Stoddard and Mike Moffat had to do everything to survive.

All people of science have one thing in common. They have to talk about their job. Even with ninja-assassins tracking them, they have to share their groundbreaking discoveries. Just now, they have released an analog surround processor, which by nature isn’t getting obsolete. Unlike digital solutions that require updating almost yearly. Even in a post on Head-Fi, Jason has joked that the home theatre industry is after them now. Or did he? We know it was a cry for help. At least they released Syn, the surround processor, officially.

The Coaster is released in utmost secrecy as a pub utensil. Unchecked, it has the potential to end the audio industry. A perfect solution that has no flaws. All reviewers drop many poop jokes because of the company’s name. Their name comes from a long line of German Engineers who slaved in Teutonic fortresses to create the best audio amplifiers. SHOW SOME DAMN RESPECT.

Tech​

The Coaster nicknamed Vali Mini (for the deception, of course), is a hybrid amplifier. It uses a tube input stage (6418 tube) with a solid-state VAS and output buffer. It is brilliant to match those technologies, to extract their pros while minimizing their cons. Others have tried that before, but nobody was able to achieve perfection.

You might not know that, but the amount of quantum entanglements released by the tube heater is exactly the same as are formed in the VAS stage. They have set them with precision to a single pair. To measure that, you need a tin foil hat to isolate your brain activity from the measurement. It’s not even quantum physics anymore. Humans don’t have that knowledge. Not even the lizardmen who own Meta. It goes deeper.

The output buffer uses a special LED for bias. It is disguised as a normal one, but you know that there is something about it. If you look too long at its light, you can feel something invading your mind. The power supply changes one input AC voltage into three different DC ones. Like, that is straight-up magic. The PCB is created using alchemy. Otherwise, how would it be gold-plated, huh? Hundreds of years of alchemy, and nobody ever succeeded? They want you to believe that.

Assembly​

The assembly is relatively straightforward if you already understand the science of solder-bending. All of the parts are listed in a BOM (Bill Of Materials), which looks like any other BOM. It has to be secretive. I got my supplies from Digikey, they are on the team. They will pack all of the necessary components, not those from the shelf. Remember, always order +1 of every SMD part, you will lose some of them, and you will wait like an idiot for one 0805 capacitor.

Ask me how I know.

The hardest part of assembly are the 317 regulators. Their footprint is very small. It can be a pain in the back to do that if you are not skilled enough. If you are skilled, it still is not the easiest thing. The parts with PCB and power supply brick come at around $100.

Finished Amplifier​

It is a pretty bad coaster.

But that is not its real purpose! The amplifier has one input and one output. Also, one power input (still has three voltages inside, that’s nuts). You don’t need more. You always use your best source with The Coaster. Also, your best headphones. Best cables. It should stand in the middle of your house. It requires at least 40 sq. meters of room to contain its might.

Sound​

It is a perfect amplifier. It has the best tonal balance I have ever heard. It’s almost like it knows what you want to hear. But it’s impossible… It works best with each music genre. It makes the worst recordings sound like angels singing.

One time I hadn’t played any music, and it still sounded incredible! Its character is perfect. There is no discussion that nothing comes close. If you can think about the top 5 systems that you have heard it has all of their pros, but better, with no cons. I heard that some people couldn’t stop listening, an they just… Expired listening. No sleep, no food, nothing.

You have been warned.

Bass

Absolute. Tectonic, agile, incredible slam, but delicate. It sounds more real than from any speaker. It sounds more natural than the same sound heard live.

Midrange

It doesn’t make you feel like the artist is here. They are here. They just show up in the air. They stand there and perform just for you. Women, men, dead, or alive. The midrange is thick but soft and dynamic. It’s close, yet far. It doesn’t play in your head. It plays in your heart.

Treble

Those are the treblest treble I have ever heard. I didn’t know that they can sound like that. Listening to this is like being born again. It’s like touching boobs for the first time, but with your ears. And not boobs, but music.

Soundstage

Maybe it doesn’t bring artists to you, maybe it brings you to them? At this point I don’t even know. The reality gets blurred so much. It sounds like the room the recording was made in is here. The physical constraint of the real space around you doesn’t matter at all. It’s more real than life itself. This is what superhuman senses feel like.

Pairing​

There is no headphone or IEM that can fully utilize the Coaster. Today’s science is not even close to this level of performance. Schiit plays some 4D chess in an alternate reality. That realm is so unnatural and weird that in there, even I am funny and get girls. Crazy.

Susvara, HE-1, top Stax headphones barely scratch the potential of this amplifier. Similarly, contemporary DACs are not even close to satisfying the Coaster. dCS Bartok is the absolute minimum. Using anything less is just disrespect, and I will find you.

Comparisons​

Nothing compares to you. I love you, my reader. I can do dumb stuff like this, all thanks to you.

Also, nothing compares to the Coaster.

Mods​

Do you really want to play God? One mistake and the whole thing changes to a black hole. Swallowing your ass. And your home. And, like I don’t know. The whole planet.

You can’t improve perfection.

Summary​

If we use the Coaster wisely it will push our civilization thousands of years into the future. This will change your life. It will change how you listen to music. It can destroy weak minds. You will become a part of a worldwide conspiracy. The Coster is what every headphone amplifier wants to be. It drives everything, even electrostatics and most of the loudspeakers. It draws no current and will supply your home with free energy. It bends the space and time that you can grab something from the fridge, when still in your living room.

Funnily enough, even my review of a godlike amplifier isn’t as positive as WHAT-HIFI reviews of any British-made audio device. Happy April Fools Day!



The easiest recommendation ever given in audio.