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HD800 Story Telling Time - *Warning* Prepare thyself, not for the faint of heart - (You've been... - Page 14

Poll Results: "Guess that Smell..." - SPOILERS BE WARNED!!! Thankfully, "Smell-O-Vision" doesn't exist, so the voting will show everyone's favorite Theory!

 
  • 17% (7)
    Theory 1: "Estate Sale Closeout"... aka Rigamortis Funkubus
  • 20% (8)
    Theory 2: "Death Bead Doorbuster"... aka killer sound
  • 35% (14)
    Theory 3: "Musical Mortician Madness"
  • 5% (2)
    Theory 4: "Z for Zennheiser - Z for Zombie"
  • 12% (5)
    Theory 5: "Clean your ears folks!"... aka leprosy, bringing it back!
  • 10% (4)
    Theory 6: "Taxidermy Treasure"
40 Total Votes  
post #196 of 342
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Sneis View Post
 

I...don't get it.  Am I too young/old or lacking a sense of humor?

yup :cool:

post #197 of 342
Thread Starter 

Keep your pants on!  I wish I had this many people getting worked up about whisk(e)y.  My customers waiting for their next free sample are more patient than you! :evil:

 

Alright... about to post, you may have built it up in your heads a bit, so your expectations have been set pretty high, but I certainly wasn't expecting anyone to get this fixated on my lil' ole story! 

 

This has been tons of fun! :beerchug: Thank you.

 

-Scotch

post #198 of 342
Thread Starter 
Smile... no, a grin!  The corners of Nash's mouth curled upward as magical headphone bliss kicked in!  How else can you describe it when you see someone start to beam as a familiar song is transformed into a whole new experience?  I could read his face as if we had traded places and I was immediately transferred to my very first HeadFi meet!  Nostalgia, that's what I was feeling.  In this one precious moment, even through the hanging nasal muck, Nash had the same moment we can all relate to, that one moment that draws us into this oh so wallet-crushing of hobbies...
 
Nash:  "I get it, I get it... almost makes you forget about the smell, but I understand why you want these headphones."
Me: (Profoundly, I respond) "Yeah..."
 
A cute couple that looked as if they'd just stepped off the cover of a metal album, now eavesdropping, had to know what was "going down".  After catching them up on the significance of the Hd800s, their intrigue peaked.  The wife, needed to, for honor's sake, draw the headband to her poor nose and inhale deeply.  Half expecting her to faint, she muffles a gag with a hand and grinning from ear-to-ear smiles appeared.  The husband , not the type to be one-upped by "the old lady" vehemently made a show out of his turn.  "Ripe" he responded, trying to nonchalantly dismiss the foul sent... though his glazed over eyes and increasingly paling face betrayed his "rockstar" image.  Obviously uncomfortable, but curious nonetheless, the couple had to know...  We distanced ourselfs from my tainted corner.  We all retreated to the safety of the register.
 
Couple: "Dude, so what's the smell? "
Me: "I don't know if you want to really know what I think it is."
Couple: "We can handle it, we've been on the road and seen many things.."
Nash: "I'm curious now... and slightly self conscious... I feel like it's on me, the smell... like in my hair or maybe my clothes!  Those smell really bad.  But sound really, really amazing."
Couple: "You gotta tell us what it is..."
Me: "If you think you can handle it!"
 
 Just like everyone here making guesses, those brave enough that day at Guitar Center to quaff that dreadful stench suggested any putrid idea that popped to mind.  Those faces... to have had a camera out at the  moment, would have been all but priceless.  I don't know if they were ready to face the truth (though I know you guys are!!!).  So without further ado, here's what I told the leather clad couple along with Nash (who is such a champ, this GC guy truly deserves a shoutout for everything he got put through during this ordeal!)  
 
"I have only experienced this once.  Once in my lifetime, have I ever smelled something so dreadful that it caused my stomach to scream and contort with nausea.  It kinda smells like a combination of stale cat urine, sewer gas, and cheap cologne.  It smells worse than vomit, feces, and the worst, funkiest-cheese blended together.  I mentioned it kinda smelled alkaline, almost ammonia-like... well I was wrong.  This is not a man-made smell really, it's too microbial, too human.  It smells like death. Dead body.  Human dead body.  Not an animal, but mortise, corspe, rotting flesh, dead person.  If you smelled road kill, this is nothing like that.  The "ammonia" I smelled, that is formaldehyde.  Everything else is the smell of death...
 
I don't know if the person who owned these died in them, or if they were on their deathbed, or maybe just in the funeral home... but there is no mistaking this smell.  I know beyond any doubt it's that."
 
They proceeded to question it, but as they all went in for a second smell, they proceed to inquire how the holy hell I know what that smell is. 
 
Everyone dies.  One of the few reliable constants in life.  This tale is meant to be fun, humor-filled, and uplifting.  There is absolutely no reason the thread need to go down a depressing path.  To keep everything going in a positive direction, I will post how I first encountered this "funk" hidden by a spoiler-alert.  This isn't an important detail to the story, but I know it will be asked for credibility's sake... so here's the low down.
 
NOT REQUIRED FOR THE STORY -  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED - ONLY STRONG STOMACHES CONTINUE (ALSO NOT VERY EXCITING EITHER...) 
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
My brother passed away last year.  Due to the circumstances (distance and regulations), the body took nearly a week to be shipped home (it's amazing how we treat bodies like a form of luggage).  Nothing out of the ordinary, but different when it's your own family... Funeral comes, and my older brother and I were asked to be pallbearers.  We selected a handmade pine coffin.  Due to all the previously mentioned circumstances, the smell of decay was so potent that day, my brother and I almost lost it.  I have never had a smell bring me so close to being immobilized.  I could almost taste it and smelled it for hours, days even.  I thought I forgot that smell... that is until that Wednesday.
 
The reaction of the Rockstar was all too perfect.  Cutting the tension like a knife, he blurted, "Died with headphones on, huh? Now, that's METAL!!!"
 
In disbelief, Nash scoots away to talk to a manager.  Essentially reiterating what was said the day before, the full refund still stands.   Returning with a co-worker... for either a cruel prank, or just to emphasize the gravity of the stink, Nash directed this poor, unsuspecting gal into his well played trap!  Luckily strong-willed, she stridently perseveres as Nash and I go over the fine details step by step... All the way to our conclusion of death (insert ominous music!).  Between the three of us, there's an understanding:
 
One... the stink level is bad (it's much worse than that, but for the sake of brevity...), 
Two... fear of bodily harm.. there must be something growing inside the pads by this point
Three... Fear of malign ectoplasmic manifestations of the sentient decesced--- evil ghosts!
 
Due to the above listed fears, I was given a fairly reasonable ultimatum.  "Take the headphones home and air everything out.  If the smell doesn't fade by tomorrow, feel free to return them, OR we will replace the pads for you."
 
Bingo... they basically just made this already incredible deal on one of my dream headphones that much better.  Even after I explained the lofty price Sennheiser sets on parts they offered to take care of me!  How incredible is that kind of customer service?  On a used item, originally sold to a branch in a completely different state!  GC, you sir, consider me impressed.
 
So that's the end of the tale?  That's all, just dead body odor? You're probably asking, why all the build-up?  We'll there is more.  For most of you, your journey is over.  Read no further.  Nothing beyond here will have the clenching buildup nor the drama.  From here out, you will get "Story Time" just like the title suggests.  I cannot promise that your mind will be blown or your soul will be touched, but there is still Wednesday Night's excitement...
 
Clutching my prize, about to escape that stinky corner, Nash turned my direction with a very serious look...
 
Nash: "I still smell it, seriously feel self conscious that it's in my hair!"
Me: "Do you want me to smell your hair?"
Nash:  "You'd do that?!  That'd be awesome That's not too weird?"
Me: "It's weird, but I made you put them on... so get over here."
 
He tilted his head my way, and sure enough... no smell, it's all in his head!  But, right at that moment a customer, of course, had to walk in on us!  Timing could not have been any better.  Awkwardly, Nash squeaked out a half-thought-through excuse trying to justify our actions.  With a grin and a chuckle, I dismiss the moment, beaming as I held the massive box in my arms.  I am a proud owner of nearly unwareably HD800s.  Damn proud!
 
So what do I do?  Well, of course I could not rush straight home and air em out like I would have liked... I had to zip downtown to that Rye Whiskey event (you know, the one I mentioned miles, and miles back?!).  I should have brought a Hefty bag... becuase "nothing gets past a Hefty".  On the drive downtown I noticed a faint, muted form of "that smell".  Knowing full well that I received several nosefuls just moments before... I dismissed the fragrance to just being stuck in my nostrils.
 
Arriving at my destination, we proceed to enjoy twenty or thirty different Rye Whiskies as we discussed the history, style, and resurgence in a three part American Whiskey  101 course.  After the event, the other hosts and myself sat down for a well made rye based prohibition era cocktail, and of course my big purchase gets brought up.  Flabbergasted by my purchase, they didn't understand why anyone would want to spend so much on a headphone.  Eventually they could "see" how I would be a headphone connosieur considering my obsession with whisk(e)y and how they similarly they can relate.  Sooo, these non-believers needed to see what $1500 can "getcha".  Moreover, they wanted to get their noses on this funk that seemed to mesmerize me!  
 
A bit of background... the people that I associate with in the liquor world can easily know every bit as much about their field (wine, mixology, spirits) as some of the most expert headfiers.  Passion and pride can get just as heated considering alcohol is generally present.  Just like we need to know new gear sounds, they too need to quench that thirst, but with new aromas and flavors.  This was just too good of an opportunity to put their smellers to the test!  After running to my car and hauling the giant of a box (still triple wrapped) into the bar, our group huddled in the speak-easy style basement bar as if we had just smuggled a rare new ingredient into the country!  
 
I will spare you the details since our makeshift panel acted as if this was a fine wine trying to determine the nuances!  It was remarkably unsettling how they knowingly returned their noses into the rotting stench that had forced its way into the pads.  
 
Two agreed with my assessment... mortise, rotting flesh.
One swore the smell resembled the odor escaping the body of someone with a "gland problem" he once encounter with a friend with cancer.
Another said it smelled like rancid Limburger cheese... But was eventually swayed our way when he lost his appetite!
 
After finally reaching a unanimous decision, the group started devising scenarios on how the former owner may have met his demise.  Playing along... the group shifted to a more obscure direction.  Worried less about the deceased, fear kicked in.  Worrying now about unlocking a gateway to another dimension they voiced their concerns gear towards my future health! 
 
So here's a list of compiled theories:
 
Theory One:  The Owner died while wearing the HD800s.  While sweet music may have been the last sound before passing from this world, (s)he remains within the giant earcups to possess the Sennheisers til the end of time. (Cursed? Maybe, but unlikely.)  The only problem with this theory... Who wouldn't want to own a pair of headphones that played without a source?!   Additionally, if I was eternally trapped in a pair of headphones, I don't know about you, but I would think any spirit would want the best sound... so this haunted pair has "somethin' extra" making it rare and sought after on the HeadFi forums!
 
Theory Two:  These headphones were not infact worn during death, but rather just worn during the funeral or less morbid, just during time on the deathbed.  This theory is more practical... but doesn't nearly have the frightening ghost factor involved.
 
Theory Three:  Skipping past the idea of direct death involvement... one of the sommeliers suggested (being a Dexter fan) that why couldn't the former owner have been a mortician or better yet, a pathologist.  Dark, yes, but it would explain the death as well as the formaldehyde fumes!
 
Theory Four (my personal favorite, yet least likely):  Zombies.  By listening, we created the building blocks of the Zombie Apocalypse!  Grrrr.... Arrrg.   Will listening slowly give me the hunger for flesh and brains?  Doubtful, yes, but I will watch my back when listening to my Sennheisers!
 
Theory Five:  Flesh eating virus!  Well, you get the picture... or you will if the flesh starts falling off my head like in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
 
Please feel free to list any of your own theories and guys... try not to take life too seriously!

Edited by mrscotchguy - 10/17/13 at 10:20pm
post #199 of 342

Thanks for finishing the story!!! Twas a thoroughly enjoyable read!

post #200 of 342

No deal would be worth the smell of death.... Gives me the heebie jeebies... 

post #201 of 342
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
Wait, so you plan to keep headphones that remind you of your dead brother? *sorry to hear the news of your brother by the way

I dunno about that....even if the headphones were the best in the world, I don't know if I would keep something that reminded me of someone who died and was close to me. :/
post #202 of 342

I still want to know if they aired out. :evil:

post #203 of 342

HAHA! great story and ending! :beerchug: 

 

Death comes to us all, and that's just a smell. Change the pads immediately and enjoy your bargains :D

post #204 of 342

I'm looking forward to the FS post when they get re-sold...

 

"HD-800! Great condition.  Second owner.  Hardly used by first owner since he died using them."

post #205 of 342

My bet is the pathologist theory.  I go to school and have taken a pathology lab, every day I would have to go home and change/shower or the smell would follow me the rest of the day.

post #206 of 342

Maybe the owner of the headphones died while listening to them and just wasn't found for a few days/weeks/whatever?

Cause of death:

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
Eargasm + weak heart which wasn't healthy enough for audiophillia

Airing out gear seems to fix all the problems!

I had some HE400s that someone had smoked with while they were on; I let them sit out in a room that was being air conditioned constantly and after a few days pretty much all the smell was gone except for a faint bit in the velours.


Edited by mechgamer123 - 10/17/13 at 11:11pm
post #207 of 342
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrscotchguy View Post
 
Theory Five:  Flesh eating virus!  Well, you get the picture... or you will if the flesh starts falling off my head like in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The falling flesh - well some scotch tape should fix that right up, guy.

 

Looking forward as to when you secure the movie rights for the inevitably tacky sequel.

post #208 of 342

I think it was worn by a dead white elephant which was left to rot when the big game hunter realised that, a dead whit elephant is grey and grey elephants are nothing special, even when deceased.

post #209 of 342

I know that smell. The ammonia smell is not caused by any sort of embalming process but rather escaping gases on a decaying animal. You will most likely never smell it on road kill as it is cleaned up long before that level of decay sets in. Anyone who has spent a long time in the woods has run across that at one time or another and "knock you off your feet" is an apt description. I've run across carcasses that you could not approach within 10 feet, the scent was painfull.

 

Your most likely cause is the headphones were stored somewhere in a basement where an animal perished and went undiscovered for weeks.

 

You can try fogging them with the cheapest cigars you can buy in an enclosed space. The smoke will bond to the cause of the odours.

 

OR you can try Epoleon which works wonders for just such problems.

post #210 of 342

Be thankful you only bought smelly headphones and not these gummi bears as per below

Quote:
 
 
6,302 of 6,380 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate., October 3, 2012
By 
 
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery)
Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

 

Linky:- http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1

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