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worst date stories - Page 58

post #856 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post

Well, I did get an HE-6 shortly after. If I ever wind up with Stax, assume the worst confused_face.gif

She needs a cruise missile up her butt!mad.gif
post #857 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
  Okay, seriously long story here. (Click to show)

Thinking about it, I've got an amusing story involving the girl I posted about previously (whom I shall call Zoe from now on) that might work here. Here's the scoop. My trials with Zoe ranged from fall of 2002 through the end of the summer of 2006. I was involved with her off and on between then but never exclusively. So in 2005, I asked this other girl (whom I shall call Jane) to this winter dance thing the school was having. Turns out Zoe had decided to come. Yes, she was three years older than me and therefore had already graduated, but she was still coming to the high school dance. You see, one of the guys she spent a considerable amount of time with was still in school, and she was his date. Another guy who knew her and who knew about my relationship with her (and witnessed some of the bad turns thereof) saw me and Jane at the dance and told me that "my friend" was there.

 

Here's where I did something both very brave and very stupid (to use a line from Harry Potter). I sought out Zoe, chased her down, and said hello. I presented Jane to her as my girlfriend (which she had agreed to become earlier in the night). I wanted to see what Zoe would do, and I admit to being slightly vindictive in my aim here. I wanted her to see her "replacement." Zoe was blindsided and wrong footed, and it was one of the few times she hadn't managed to control a situation. We made mindless small talk, then Jane and I went our own way, leaving Zoe bewildered and possibly stewing.

 

Later, another girl (whom I had actually liked before I liked Jane but was told by her friend to stop pursuing) came up to me and asked for a dance, and after asking permission from Jane I obliged. After the song ended, I went off to try to find Jane and was accosted by Zoe. She marched right up to me and said "We need to talk" and basically led me out into the hall. She was clearly stunned that I had found somebody else, even though she and I had had a falling out over a year ago, and we were never exactly exclusive. Let me make something clear. Her mother disliked that Zoe associated with me, possibly because I was so young (and, I'll admit it, a teenager with raging hormones and for whom everything tended to be like the end of the world). My mother despised Zoe because of all the pain she had caused me.

 

But here's Zoe telling me that she knows my mother hates her and that her mother doesn't approve, and that I wasn't driving yet at that point (and therefore wouldn't exactly be able to come meet her anywhere), but that we could still be friends if I wanted to try to make the relationship work. She was babbling, clearly flustered. Granted, she always had a funny way of talking, with odd word choices and a tendency to talk past you rather than to you. Anyway, I brought up some of the things she had done to me and she made excuses. I told her that I knew she was BSing because I'd heard from other people what she was really doing when she had been blowing me off before. She seemed unfazed, and she didn't try to defend herself, basically telling me she knew she had gotten caught. She then started getting timeframes wrong, and I told her that apparently she lived in the same alternate world as the guy in My Cousin Vinnie whose grits got done at a different speed from everyone else's. The sarcasm bounced right off of her. She said she hadn't seen the film. It went on a little while longer until suddenly she got up and in dramatic form said, "Well you always told me I'm the only thing holding you together!," to which I said coldly, "I've grown up a bit since then." She shouted "Well so have I!" and tore off.

 

She hadn't, of course. She was devastated that I had stood up to her, found a "replacement" for her, and basically told her I didn't need her anymore. I don't think she was just angry. She was hurt. Quite badly, as it turns out.

 

Here's the best part (sorry for the ridiculous length; if you've gotten this far give yourself a pat on the back, 1,000 bonus points, and an extra life). About two weeks later my father told me a rather amusing story. He had been taking a completed shipment out to the car (my family breeds tropical fish, and we frequently box up shipments and drive them to the city airport) and noticed something that smelled like extremely strong perfume. Zoe wore a very particular kind, which produces pangs of longing and feelings of repulsion in me even today when somebody wears it (I don't know which one it is; I've never had the courage to ask any of the ladies I've met who were wearing it). She also apparently bathed in it when she put it on. And to put this in perspective, the nearest house is over 100 yards away. It wasn't likely to be something from another house, especially something like perfume.

 

Anyway, there's a room above the garage which is mostly used for storage but where I occasionally went to concentrate on stuff, and I must have told Zoe about it. She must have thought it was my bedroom. Yes, you know where this is going. We think she came to my house one evening, hid her car up the street, and figured she would try to get my attention and make her appeal to me, Romeo and Juliet-style, though with me looking down from the window instead of her. When the garage door opened, she must have gotten spooked and ducked around the corner. My father didn't figure it out at the time, otherwise he would have looked around the corner and caught her.

 

I know she was there. I even asked her on a later date if she had ever come to my house in the evening, and she said something like "I might have, if I were in the neighborhood visiting somebody else." She didn't know anybody who lived around me (that I knew of, at least), and how do you not remember doing something like that? Let me clarify about Zoe: she remembered every single thing I ever said to her. She remembered every single time we ever saw one another. (It was the same for me, BTW). Now all of a sudden her memory is conveniently foggy? Come on. She was there. I know it.

 

You know the sad thing? To this day I'm terribly moved by her doing that, and I still like to imagine what I might have done if I had been up in that room and she had managed to live out her Juliet aspirations. I also wonder what would have happened if my father had discovered her. My mother hated Zoe but my father didn't. He said he would have talked to her, perhaps tried to get her to explain what she was after. He was a psychology major in college, being just a few classes short of a master's degree. He had originally wanted to do clinical but got shunted into social because of departmental politics. He therefore would have been able to ask the right questions, and he was willing to do more than just blindly hate her the way my mother did. He might have even been able to help her. Anyway, he told me that if he had found her he would have fetched me after a while and had us all talk, then left Zoe and me alone to work out whatever needed to be worked out.

 

I have no idea what I would have done if I had talked to her that night. I was dating Jane at the time, and I would like to believe I would not have walked away from that. I know now that Zoe was something of a homewrecker, and I can't discount that motivation on her part that night. But I still think she was genuinely hurt by me finding somebody else, especially since I pretty much rubbed it in her face, and that she wanted closure. Against everything I know to be right, and all the best judgment in the world, I regard the whole thing as a sorely missed opportunity. As it turns out, Jane dumped me two weeks later (therein lies a story for another time), so I was left alone with nothing but the "what if" thoughts to populate my imagination.

 

As schiitty as your experience was, you were actually somewhat lucky that she cared about you, which was evident in the way that she was genuinely hurt when you found someone else. At least she didn't try to get back at you in revenge. I just thought of a story of mine where she reacted quite differently...

 

In high school I developed a crush on this gorgeous but shallow girl who had no self-esteem whatsoever. Actually she had no "self," period. She preyed on guys to feel good about herself, because it made her feel powerful. She would lead guys on just to reject them, and set up false "dates" that resulted in the guy waiting for her for hours, but she never showed up. She had no backbone, no personality - she was sweet and innocent when she interacted with me, but in front of her friends she acted cool and totally ignored me. She smoked and did drugs to fit in with the "cool" kids. But she had the looks, which worked in her favour.

 

Of course, I didn't know about most of this until long after the fact. I just got sick of all the hot and cold, with her ignoring me in front of her friends, as if I wasn't cool enough for her and she didn't want to be seen with me in front of them. I finally had enough and broke things off. This was a complete shock to her. She was used to being in control, having all the guys at her mercy, playing with them like toys, and now I dared to reject her!? As revenge, she took a love letter that I wrote her and sent it to a bunch of people. The thing pretty much went viral (and this was before the concept of things "going viral" on the internet even existed). People I had never seen or met in my life were talking about me, and I didn't even know it was happening. I finally found out about it after someone told me they had heard about it from someone from another school. It had spread to another school and back, that's how bad it was.

 

Many years later, I don't know whether to hate her or feel sorry for her. She was just an empty shell (albeit a very good looking shell) with nothing inside, and she took advantage of her looks to make her feel like she's worth something. I haven't heard anything about her, so I don't know whether she's changed for the better, or continued to go down the dark road she was going.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

Wouldn't it be truly bizarre if, in the intervening years, she'd picked up headphones and was on this very site right now? Or if she somehow figured out what my web presence is (I tend to use Argyris or LordArgyris for public accounts) and was following all my posts all over the Internet? I would be in so much trouble right now....:veryevil: 

 

Unlikely in your case, but remember my story about the expert online stalker? I wouldn't be surprised at all if she were reading this, given her stalking prowess. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

Sigh.

 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

Dang, I'm definitely feeling your pain reading this one, because I think I'm the type of person to fall for something like this. It just seemed so perfect at the beginning, and you even had a ring ready. What could possibly go wrong? And then boom :( I don't even know what to make of her. Was there something about her personality that made her more likely to act like that? How old was she?


Edited by blueangel2323 - 10/23/13 at 8:59am
post #858 of 1328
Thread Starter 

By my count I've had to deal with infidelity about 6 times now. The last story was the only one where I was actually in a relationship and was cheated on. The other 5... were situations that seemed like they could become something, and then I discovered I was the other man. The first time it happened, I was super upset and became physically ill when I found out (and she was actually married). The second time I was similarly upset. Third time I think I was entering wtf territory. Fourth time I wasn't even fazed and just laughed and walked away. Fifth time, which came after the one who cheated on me, well, for a brief moment it bothered me, and then it didn't.

 

I think it's safe to say I might not have a healthy view of women anymore :confused_face:

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueangel2323 View Post

 

Dang, I'm definitely feeling your pain reading this one, because I think I'm the type of person to fall for something like this. It just seemed so perfect at the beginning, and you even had a ring ready. What could possibly go wrong? And then boom :( I don't even know what to make of her. Was there something about her personality that made her more likely to act like that? How old was she?

 

Early twenties with daddy issues. She came to view our cohabitation as an infringement upon her freedom. The new guy, he does shift work in the oil fields, so three weeks on/one week off. So for most of the month she gets her freedom and spends time with her adoptive work family, then for one week gets the excitement of a boyfriend before he leaves again. So it's the perfect/most convenient situation for her.


Edited by Armaegis - 10/23/13 at 8:01pm
post #859 of 1328

Ok, with all the bad dating experiences that have ruined lives, I figured I'd share one (possibly THE one) that changed my life for the better.

 

In my last year of HS back home in Jamaica, I met this girl who returned from the States to finish school in Jamaica. Her mother was Puerto Rican, and her father Jamaican, so I don't think I need to mention how stunning this girl was. 

 

Over the course of the first semester, we slowly started hanging out because we got recruited into the school's runway fashion show. We got really close, I started developing feelings for her, and she seemed to be heading down that road too. We'd laugh all the time, and have these deep conversations about the most random things. Eventually, I think I fell in love with her. To make things worse, she had bad childhood experiences with her family, which made me feel an even stronger urge to want to be her knight in shining armor.

 

Everything was going well, until one day it just...stopped. She stopped wanting to be around me, hours would pass by before she'd reply to my texts. Basically the floor fell from underneath me. On top of that, she began to have the same kind of relationship she had with me with one of my friends. Sometimes I'd try to dance with her, but she'd so effortlessly blow me off, saying things like "I'd rather just watch how you move", or a simple, smiling "No."

 

I fell into near depression. My friends patted me on the back and told me to chin up, but I couldn't. Eventually I couldn't take the pain anymore and confronted her with near teary eyes to ask her the question I'd been pondering on for weeks..."why?" She told me this one sentence I'll never forget. she said "I can't love you if you don't love yourself."

 

Whoa.

 

She expanded by telling me that I had been too needy, and it seemed like I depended on her for my happiness. She could also tell that I was somewhat insecure when I was around her, and I was because she was so damn pretty. Apparently girls son't appreciate that kind of thing. 

 

Of course, this hit me like a ton of bricks. it took me a couple of months to process but I came out better for it. I started looking up how to be more confident with girls (David DeAngelo, gentlemen. Read his Double Your Dating book. I know it sounds cheesy, but there's some wisdom about male-female interactions in there), I started dressing better, I even changed the way i walked. 

 

7 years later, I'm better off for it. If I ever feel a lack of self-esteem, I just head to the mall and start up conversations with 20 of the prettiest women I can find. Eventually I'll be confident enough to start busting their balls within a minute of meeting them, and they love it.

post #860 of 1328
I had to learn that also. Improve yourself to improve the relationship. If it works great, if not, your in better shape for the next one.
post #861 of 1328
I dunno. I read it a little differently and think his post is digging a little deeper than that. I read it being about her needing to not be used, about not being a means to an end. Pretty young for that kind of introspective conclusion IMO lol.

It's a tough logical trail, at least for me. You'd need to seriously re-examine everything, and it's IMO a person level, where you feel like you've become an instrument in someone else's world "plan."
Edited by vwinter - 10/24/13 at 6:10am
post #862 of 1328
Ok, this isn't a bad date story. Just a story.

I have a friend who I've know for 9/10 years now. Around 7 and a half years ago I moved to Portugal from England and left my friends behind. I used to visit every year, and when my friend was a little older, around 15, curiosity kicked in and she was ready to experiment.
She asked me about if I would be up for being with her, but as friends, no feelings attached. Because she trusts me.
That was fine, and when I went on holiday the next time, things happened between us but just as friends.

This went on for around 2 years, counting I was only in England for 2 weeks each year so not much time together, but it was great fun.

Now I've just moved back to England, and we met up as usual. This time though, as soon as we were together there was nothing holding us back. But it was different, it was nbetter, much better, not just mindless sex...

So now we need to talk, I've already said we need to talk, and she knows why but seems cool with it, because we both know that feelings have developed.

We've known each other for a long time, we know each other well, I get along really well with her mum. And I think it may be ok.

But if anything went wrong, I'm afraid of loosing her as a friend. She's amazing and I really enjoy being with her, we always have a laugh.

Any tips to make this work guys?

Sorry for the not bad date story.
post #863 of 1328

If feelings developed on her side as well as yours, I don't see what could stop you from turning the relationship into something more. You already trust each other, you've already been having sex for many years... or am I just naive to think this way?

post #864 of 1328
You got it right. Obviously we are going to chat, but we both have feelings, and we have been sexually active together for a few years, and we know each other really well.
post #865 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

You got it right. Obviously we are going to chat, but we both have feelings, and we have been sexually active together for a few years, and we know each other really well.

That's the perpetual bitch of relationships if you tip the balance it may turn out bad, but if you want more emotionally you have to be honest with her to make it grow.

 

Sounds like she's put you in the fun position to make the hard choice. If it turns out bad compromise with a HP upgrade.  Good luck.

post #866 of 1328

Play through Katawa Shoujo and purposefully get all the bad endings...*hangs self*

post #867 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by eke2k6 View Post
 

Ok, with all the bad dating experiences that have ruined lives, I figured I'd share one (possibly THE one) that changed my life for the better.

 

In my last year of HS back home in Jamaica, I met this girl who returned from the States to finish school in Jamaica. Her mother was Puerto Rican, and her father Jamaican, so I don't think I need to mention how stunning this girl was. 

 

Over the course of the first semester, we slowly started hanging out because we got recruited into the school's runway fashion show. We got really close, I started developing feelings for her, and she seemed to be heading down that road too. We'd laugh all the time, and have these deep conversations about the most random things. Eventually, I think I fell in love with her. To make things worse, she had bad childhood experiences with her family, which made me feel an even stronger urge to want to be her knight in shining armor.

 

Everything was going well, until one day it just...stopped. She stopped wanting to be around me, hours would pass by before she'd reply to my texts. Basically the floor fell from underneath me. On top of that, she began to have the same kind of relationship she had with me with one of my friends. Sometimes I'd try to dance with her, but she'd so effortlessly blow me off, saying things like "I'd rather just watch how you move", or a simple, smiling "No."

 

I fell into near depression. My friends patted me on the back and told me to chin up, but I couldn't. Eventually I couldn't take the pain anymore and confronted her with near teary eyes to ask her the question I'd been pondering on for weeks..."why?" She told me this one sentence I'll never forget. she said "I can't love you if you don't love yourself."

 

Whoa.

 

She expanded by telling me that I had been too needy, and it seemed like I depended on her for my happiness. She could also tell that I was somewhat insecure when I was around her, and I was because she was so damn pretty. Apparently girls son't appreciate that kind of thing. 

 

Of course, this hit me like a ton of bricks. it took me a couple of months to process but I came out better for it. I started looking up how to be more confident with girls (David DeAngelo, gentlemen. Read his Double Your Dating book. I know it sounds cheesy, but there's some wisdom about male-female interactions in there), I started dressing better, I even changed the way i walked. 

 

7 years later, I'm better off for it. If I ever feel a lack of self-esteem, I just head to the mall and start up conversations with 20 of the prettiest women I can find. Eventually I'll be confident enough to start busting their balls within a minute of meeting them, and they love it.

Wow ....

"I cant love you if you dont love yourself"

just wow ...

But its great that she taught you to really love yourself and have self esteem throughout all of this. But did you feel like you lacked it without her? Like do you think she was right about you not loving yourself?

And just as a tip, your appreciation for yourself should not be dependent on the number of girls you can pick up at the mall on any given day. Its just about being happy with who you are, and appreciating the smallest successes. You should develop such a love for your character and your personality that you always want to love yourself -- and if you dont have that, then its a sign that you should change yourself and the way you look at things so you can appreciate yourself. But before I even get there, you can always find something to appreciate and love, and thats the most important thing -- no matter who you are, or what you do.

Sigh this is probably all useless so i should shut up now :)

post #868 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

Ok, this isn't a bad date story. Just a story.

I have a friend who I've know for 9/10 years now. Around 7 and a half years ago I moved to Portugal from England and left my friends behind. I used to visit every year, and when my friend was a little older, around 15, curiosity kicked in and she was ready to experiment.
She asked me about if I would be up for being with her, but as friends, no feelings attached. Because she trusts me.
That was fine, and when I went on holiday the next time, things happened between us but just as friends.

This went on for around 2 years, counting I was only in England for 2 weeks each year so not much time together, but it was great fun.

Now I've just moved back to England, and we met up as usual. This time though, as soon as we were together there was nothing holding us back. But it was different, it was nbetter, much better, not just mindless sex...

So now we need to talk, I've already said we need to talk, and she knows why but seems cool with it, because we both know that feelings have developed.

We've known each other for a long time, we know each other well, I get along really well with her mum. And I think it may be ok.

But if anything went wrong, I'm afraid of loosing her as a friend. She's amazing and I really enjoy being with her, we always have a laugh.

Any tips to make this work guys?

Sorry for the not bad date story.

Think about it like this. The closest of friendships are usually when one loves the other (regardless of mutuality -- it could be one way). Taking the one way route, the one who loves always advances the friensdhip and attempts to make it closer and more special while the other seems to mindlessly follow - sometimes he or she could be engaged or he or she could be detached. Now the friendships at the highest level tend to go up and down like this (Especially between opposite sexes) - they fluctuate from high points to low points (how much you put in, how much he or she gives back to you), but this fluctuation will always leave u wanting something more. As time moves by, the suspense of not having the mutuality of emotion will get to you, and the relationship may become tenuous. At this point, i would recommend telling her because there is little where this friendship can go -- you putting in so much more than her will always leave you disappointed. But because you know that she probably reciprocates the emotions, then thats even more of a sign to go for it! The fact that you can so readily say that he or she loves you just proves that this is probably the case; when the feeligns are mutually reciprocated, the actions are held up to the highest scrutiny and if you still feel that she feels this way, then its a good indication that she in fact does. But regardless, this is the only way to move it on from now; a relationship is a constant moving process, and if you want to keep it healthy, you have to move it onwards. IF she doesnt feel the same way as you do, then you know that in time the friendship will fade or it will become a constant reminder of sadness for you are expnding much more energy than she is -- it becomes  a cancer that you regret but once found so appetizing. But if you go for it and she reciprocates, then none of this happens. Plus, you say she is a great friend and thus I expect that she would be undersatnding of your feelings; she wouldnt just destroy your friendshp because from your information it seems that this friendship with you is more important to her than this small struggle or awkwardness over your feelings for her. If she does not reciprocate, explain to her that because she has for sure told you that she does not feel the way you do, you will surely move on -- there is no "spark of hope" to keep you constantly attached and fawning over her as the time goes by. Furthermore, the fact that ur good friends (gosh im repeating myself here :)) means that shell understand you and forgive you and things will likely move on; if she doesnt, then it should beckon to you that your overvalued this friendship, and that the benefits you perceived from it do not match reality -- that she was never the sort of undersatnding friend that you deserved. But still do not hate her for anything, and appreciate your time with her for that was the most important thing -- the experience u had. Remember that if she feels that leaving you will be the best for both of you and the easiest on her afterwards, then you have to accept that -- this selfless care for the other is the sign of true love at its highest being. FInally, one tip that I have is that when we love someone, it isnt that person that we value completely, but the emotions they put in us. When we love someone, we ostracize and look over the feelings and emotions of all others -- for example, when im in love with girl a, i will not notice some of hte love filled and selfless actions of my best firends, or otehrs around me. If you lose her, use ur loss as a means to observe all the other love around you -- in other words, find the girl you lost in all those around you. 

SIgh i really just deviated but I tried to put everything in here just so it all works out well 

Hope this helped buddy :)


Edited by Nusho - 10/24/13 at 9:45pm
post #869 of 1328
Thread Starter 

I remember being young and falling in love, and thinking I understood it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahahahahahahahah!

post #870 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

I remember being young and falling in love, and thinking I understood it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahahahahahahahah!

See love is situational -- it changes every time, and this ephemeral nature makes it even harder to tag down because its not something we can understand. Its just something that we can be. But yea i know what you mean -- when you feel you understand love, and what it means, and htat htis will help you, and then things happen one after another, destroying this understanding. And then all you have left is your self, broken and miserable, without a place to go because not only has evil approached you but its masked itself in a veil of ignorance. Love is about being ignorant of it -- the more you try to understand, the more you expect and create a world that you think you get but you actually dont, and this leads to probably the worst tragedies of emotions.

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