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worst date stories - Page 58

post #856 of 1426

Ok, with all the bad dating experiences that have ruined lives, I figured I'd share one (possibly THE one) that changed my life for the better.

 

In my last year of HS back home in Jamaica, I met this girl who returned from the States to finish school in Jamaica. Her mother was Puerto Rican, and her father Jamaican, so I don't think I need to mention how stunning this girl was. 

 

Over the course of the first semester, we slowly started hanging out because we got recruited into the school's runway fashion show. We got really close, I started developing feelings for her, and she seemed to be heading down that road too. We'd laugh all the time, and have these deep conversations about the most random things. Eventually, I think I fell in love with her. To make things worse, she had bad childhood experiences with her family, which made me feel an even stronger urge to want to be her knight in shining armor.

 

Everything was going well, until one day it just...stopped. She stopped wanting to be around me, hours would pass by before she'd reply to my texts. Basically the floor fell from underneath me. On top of that, she began to have the same kind of relationship she had with me with one of my friends. Sometimes I'd try to dance with her, but she'd so effortlessly blow me off, saying things like "I'd rather just watch how you move", or a simple, smiling "No."

 

I fell into near depression. My friends patted me on the back and told me to chin up, but I couldn't. Eventually I couldn't take the pain anymore and confronted her with near teary eyes to ask her the question I'd been pondering on for weeks..."why?" She told me this one sentence I'll never forget. she said "I can't love you if you don't love yourself."

 

Whoa.

 

She expanded by telling me that I had been too needy, and it seemed like I depended on her for my happiness. She could also tell that I was somewhat insecure when I was around her, and I was because she was so damn pretty. Apparently girls son't appreciate that kind of thing. 

 

Of course, this hit me like a ton of bricks. it took me a couple of months to process but I came out better for it. I started looking up how to be more confident with girls (David DeAngelo, gentlemen. Read his Double Your Dating book. I know it sounds cheesy, but there's some wisdom about male-female interactions in there), I started dressing better, I even changed the way i walked. 

 

7 years later, I'm better off for it. If I ever feel a lack of self-esteem, I just head to the mall and start up conversations with 20 of the prettiest women I can find. Eventually I'll be confident enough to start busting their balls within a minute of meeting them, and they love it.

post #857 of 1426
I had to learn that also. Improve yourself to improve the relationship. If it works great, if not, your in better shape for the next one.
post #858 of 1426
I dunno. I read it a little differently and think his post is digging a little deeper than that. I read it being about her needing to not be used, about not being a means to an end. Pretty young for that kind of introspective conclusion IMO lol.

It's a tough logical trail, at least for me. You'd need to seriously re-examine everything, and it's IMO a person level, where you feel like you've become an instrument in someone else's world "plan."
Edited by vwinter - 10/24/13 at 6:10am
post #859 of 1426
Ok, this isn't a bad date story. Just a story.

I have a friend who I've know for 9/10 years now. Around 7 and a half years ago I moved to Portugal from England and left my friends behind. I used to visit every year, and when my friend was a little older, around 15, curiosity kicked in and she was ready to experiment.
She asked me about if I would be up for being with her, but as friends, no feelings attached. Because she trusts me.
That was fine, and when I went on holiday the next time, things happened between us but just as friends.

This went on for around 2 years, counting I was only in England for 2 weeks each year so not much time together, but it was great fun.

Now I've just moved back to England, and we met up as usual. This time though, as soon as we were together there was nothing holding us back. But it was different, it was nbetter, much better, not just mindless sex...

So now we need to talk, I've already said we need to talk, and she knows why but seems cool with it, because we both know that feelings have developed.

We've known each other for a long time, we know each other well, I get along really well with her mum. And I think it may be ok.

But if anything went wrong, I'm afraid of loosing her as a friend. She's amazing and I really enjoy being with her, we always have a laugh.

Any tips to make this work guys?

Sorry for the not bad date story.
post #860 of 1426

If feelings developed on her side as well as yours, I don't see what could stop you from turning the relationship into something more. You already trust each other, you've already been having sex for many years... or am I just naive to think this way?

post #861 of 1426
You got it right. Obviously we are going to chat, but we both have feelings, and we have been sexually active together for a few years, and we know each other really well.
post #862 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

You got it right. Obviously we are going to chat, but we both have feelings, and we have been sexually active together for a few years, and we know each other really well.

That's the perpetual bitch of relationships if you tip the balance it may turn out bad, but if you want more emotionally you have to be honest with her to make it grow.

 

Sounds like she's put you in the fun position to make the hard choice. If it turns out bad compromise with a HP upgrade.  Good luck.

post #863 of 1426

Play through Katawa Shoujo and purposefully get all the bad endings...*hangs self*

post #864 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by eke2k6 View Post
 

Ok, with all the bad dating experiences that have ruined lives, I figured I'd share one (possibly THE one) that changed my life for the better.

 

In my last year of HS back home in Jamaica, I met this girl who returned from the States to finish school in Jamaica. Her mother was Puerto Rican, and her father Jamaican, so I don't think I need to mention how stunning this girl was. 

 

Over the course of the first semester, we slowly started hanging out because we got recruited into the school's runway fashion show. We got really close, I started developing feelings for her, and she seemed to be heading down that road too. We'd laugh all the time, and have these deep conversations about the most random things. Eventually, I think I fell in love with her. To make things worse, she had bad childhood experiences with her family, which made me feel an even stronger urge to want to be her knight in shining armor.

 

Everything was going well, until one day it just...stopped. She stopped wanting to be around me, hours would pass by before she'd reply to my texts. Basically the floor fell from underneath me. On top of that, she began to have the same kind of relationship she had with me with one of my friends. Sometimes I'd try to dance with her, but she'd so effortlessly blow me off, saying things like "I'd rather just watch how you move", or a simple, smiling "No."

 

I fell into near depression. My friends patted me on the back and told me to chin up, but I couldn't. Eventually I couldn't take the pain anymore and confronted her with near teary eyes to ask her the question I'd been pondering on for weeks..."why?" She told me this one sentence I'll never forget. she said "I can't love you if you don't love yourself."

 

Whoa.

 

She expanded by telling me that I had been too needy, and it seemed like I depended on her for my happiness. She could also tell that I was somewhat insecure when I was around her, and I was because she was so damn pretty. Apparently girls son't appreciate that kind of thing. 

 

Of course, this hit me like a ton of bricks. it took me a couple of months to process but I came out better for it. I started looking up how to be more confident with girls (David DeAngelo, gentlemen. Read his Double Your Dating book. I know it sounds cheesy, but there's some wisdom about male-female interactions in there), I started dressing better, I even changed the way i walked. 

 

7 years later, I'm better off for it. If I ever feel a lack of self-esteem, I just head to the mall and start up conversations with 20 of the prettiest women I can find. Eventually I'll be confident enough to start busting their balls within a minute of meeting them, and they love it.

Wow ....

"I cant love you if you dont love yourself"

just wow ...

But its great that she taught you to really love yourself and have self esteem throughout all of this. But did you feel like you lacked it without her? Like do you think she was right about you not loving yourself?

And just as a tip, your appreciation for yourself should not be dependent on the number of girls you can pick up at the mall on any given day. Its just about being happy with who you are, and appreciating the smallest successes. You should develop such a love for your character and your personality that you always want to love yourself -- and if you dont have that, then its a sign that you should change yourself and the way you look at things so you can appreciate yourself. But before I even get there, you can always find something to appreciate and love, and thats the most important thing -- no matter who you are, or what you do.

Sigh this is probably all useless so i should shut up now :)

post #865 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

Ok, this isn't a bad date story. Just a story.

I have a friend who I've know for 9/10 years now. Around 7 and a half years ago I moved to Portugal from England and left my friends behind. I used to visit every year, and when my friend was a little older, around 15, curiosity kicked in and she was ready to experiment.
She asked me about if I would be up for being with her, but as friends, no feelings attached. Because she trusts me.
That was fine, and when I went on holiday the next time, things happened between us but just as friends.

This went on for around 2 years, counting I was only in England for 2 weeks each year so not much time together, but it was great fun.

Now I've just moved back to England, and we met up as usual. This time though, as soon as we were together there was nothing holding us back. But it was different, it was nbetter, much better, not just mindless sex...

So now we need to talk, I've already said we need to talk, and she knows why but seems cool with it, because we both know that feelings have developed.

We've known each other for a long time, we know each other well, I get along really well with her mum. And I think it may be ok.

But if anything went wrong, I'm afraid of loosing her as a friend. She's amazing and I really enjoy being with her, we always have a laugh.

Any tips to make this work guys?

Sorry for the not bad date story.

Think about it like this. The closest of friendships are usually when one loves the other (regardless of mutuality -- it could be one way). Taking the one way route, the one who loves always advances the friensdhip and attempts to make it closer and more special while the other seems to mindlessly follow - sometimes he or she could be engaged or he or she could be detached. Now the friendships at the highest level tend to go up and down like this (Especially between opposite sexes) - they fluctuate from high points to low points (how much you put in, how much he or she gives back to you), but this fluctuation will always leave u wanting something more. As time moves by, the suspense of not having the mutuality of emotion will get to you, and the relationship may become tenuous. At this point, i would recommend telling her because there is little where this friendship can go -- you putting in so much more than her will always leave you disappointed. But because you know that she probably reciprocates the emotions, then thats even more of a sign to go for it! The fact that you can so readily say that he or she loves you just proves that this is probably the case; when the feeligns are mutually reciprocated, the actions are held up to the highest scrutiny and if you still feel that she feels this way, then its a good indication that she in fact does. But regardless, this is the only way to move it on from now; a relationship is a constant moving process, and if you want to keep it healthy, you have to move it onwards. IF she doesnt feel the same way as you do, then you know that in time the friendship will fade or it will become a constant reminder of sadness for you are expnding much more energy than she is -- it becomes  a cancer that you regret but once found so appetizing. But if you go for it and she reciprocates, then none of this happens. Plus, you say she is a great friend and thus I expect that she would be undersatnding of your feelings; she wouldnt just destroy your friendshp because from your information it seems that this friendship with you is more important to her than this small struggle or awkwardness over your feelings for her. If she does not reciprocate, explain to her that because she has for sure told you that she does not feel the way you do, you will surely move on -- there is no "spark of hope" to keep you constantly attached and fawning over her as the time goes by. Furthermore, the fact that ur good friends (gosh im repeating myself here :)) means that shell understand you and forgive you and things will likely move on; if she doesnt, then it should beckon to you that your overvalued this friendship, and that the benefits you perceived from it do not match reality -- that she was never the sort of undersatnding friend that you deserved. But still do not hate her for anything, and appreciate your time with her for that was the most important thing -- the experience u had. Remember that if she feels that leaving you will be the best for both of you and the easiest on her afterwards, then you have to accept that -- this selfless care for the other is the sign of true love at its highest being. FInally, one tip that I have is that when we love someone, it isnt that person that we value completely, but the emotions they put in us. When we love someone, we ostracize and look over the feelings and emotions of all others -- for example, when im in love with girl a, i will not notice some of hte love filled and selfless actions of my best firends, or otehrs around me. If you lose her, use ur loss as a means to observe all the other love around you -- in other words, find the girl you lost in all those around you. 

SIgh i really just deviated but I tried to put everything in here just so it all works out well 

Hope this helped buddy :)


Edited by Nusho - 10/24/13 at 9:45pm
post #866 of 1426
Thread Starter 

I remember being young and falling in love, and thinking I understood it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahahahahahahahah!

post #867 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

I remember being young and falling in love, and thinking I understood it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahahahahahahahah!

See love is situational -- it changes every time, and this ephemeral nature makes it even harder to tag down because its not something we can understand. Its just something that we can be. But yea i know what you mean -- when you feel you understand love, and what it means, and htat htis will help you, and then things happen one after another, destroying this understanding. And then all you have left is your self, broken and miserable, without a place to go because not only has evil approached you but its masked itself in a veil of ignorance. Love is about being ignorant of it -- the more you try to understand, the more you expect and create a world that you think you get but you actually dont, and this leads to probably the worst tragedies of emotions.

post #868 of 1426
Thanks Nusho

That was great what you wrote. I read it all.

I also talked to one of her best friends, she said that she goes all girlish when talking about me, and me coming to England was the best part of her year. We have both agreed there definitely are feelings, but need to talk things over.

Anyway, off for job interview, wish me luck smily_headphones1.gif (cabin crew for easy jet)
Hopefully see my friend tomorrow
post #869 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

Ok, this isn't a bad date story. Just a story.

I have a friend who I've know for 9/10 years now. Around 7 and a half years ago I moved to Portugal from England and left my friends behind. I used to visit every year, and when my friend was a little older, around 15, curiosity kicked in and she was ready to experiment.
She asked me about if I would be up for being with her, but as friends, no feelings attached. Because she trusts me.
That was fine, and when I went on holiday the next time, things happened between us but just as friends.

This went on for around 2 years, counting I was only in England for 2 weeks each year so not much time together, but it was great fun.

Now I've just moved back to England, and we met up as usual. This time though, as soon as we were together there was nothing holding us back. But it was different, it was nbetter, much better, not just mindless sex...

So now we need to talk, I've already said we need to talk, and she knows why but seems cool with it, because we both know that feelings have developed.

We've known each other for a long time, we know each other well, I get along really well with her mum. And I think it may be ok.

But if anything went wrong, I'm afraid of loosing her as a friend. She's amazing and I really enjoy being with her, we always have a laugh.

Any tips to make this work guys?

Sorry for the not bad date story.

post #870 of 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by ostewart View Post

Thanks Nusho

That was great what you wrote. I read it all.

I also talked to one of her best friends, she said that she goes all girlish when talking about me, and me coming to England was the best part of her year. We have both agreed there definitely are feelings, but need to talk things over.

Anyway, off for job interview, wish me luck smily_headphones1.gif (cabin crew for easy jet)
Hopefully see my friend tomorrow

Good luck at the job interview!

ANd tell us if things go well with your friend :)

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