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worst date stories - Page 57

post #841 of 1393

That does seem like that would be the case. All of Head-Fi stops and does a double take when a girl wanders in. :dt880smile:

post #842 of 1393

LOL :beerchug:

post #843 of 1393

I hope nobody minds me kind of spamming this place with mondo posts and responses to posts lately. It's been a long time since I told anybody this stuff. Years at least. I honestly didn't realize how good it would feel to gush some of this stuff out. I've got other stories with different people I'll eventually get to (Jane being one of them). I was kind of getting hung up on the word "dates" in the title, since a lot of the experiences I could relate didn't technically revolve around "dates." Some of it is quite bizarre, though not on the same level as Zoe.

 

In his post above miceblue mentioned having a similar sort of story to mine. If you don't mind telling...:smile: 


Edited by Argyris - 10/22/13 at 7:24pm
post #844 of 1393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RUMAY408 View Post
 

You need to dredge that soul :D

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

post #845 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

 

Wow. Wow. And, you know what? I think this deserves a third, wow.

 

I'm not even sure what to say. I'm not sure there's anything that could even be said. This is beyond the beyond. This is the sort of thing people write novels and film scripts about, so that they may record their thoughts in a way that lasts beyond their passing and so that even from their grave they can take their revenge.

 

I don't blame you for waiting so long to relate this tale. It made me angry, and I didn't even experience it. There are some pretty low people in the world. Without knowing you at all apart from through Head-Fi I can say definitively that you deserve better because, let's face it, Hitler would deserve better.

 

I hope she steps on a Lego.

post #846 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

Damn! :eek: Someone needs to give the man a Sennheiser Orpheus 

post #847 of 1393

What goes around....

post #848 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RUMAY408 View Post
 

You need to dredge that soul :D

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 


Good gawd....that sounds awful... *I can't think of a word stronger than awful* :(

 

My heart cries out to you bro.

post #849 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

Once again, Holy Moly...

post #850 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

 

Wow. Wow. And, you know what? I think this deserves a third, wow.

 

I'm not even sure what to say. I'm not sure there's anything that could even be said. This is beyond the beyond. This is the sort of thing people write novels and film scripts about, so that they may record their thoughts in a way that lasts beyond their passing and so that even from their grave they can take their revenge.

 

I don't blame you for waiting so long to relate this tale. It made me angry, and I didn't even experience it. There are some pretty low people in the world. Without knowing you at all apart from through Head-Fi I can say definitively that you deserve better because, let's face it, Hitler would deserve better.

 

I hope she steps on a Lego.

That girl really does deserve one giant, metal, and rusty Lego up her foot

post #851 of 1393
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RUMAY408 View Post
 

Damn! :eek: Someone needs to give the man a Sennheiser Orpheus 

 

Well, I did get an HE-6 shortly after. If I ever wind up with Stax, assume the worst :confused_face:

post #852 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

 

Sigh.


 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

 

Oh, man. As one of the younger members here, I have no dating stories to speak of, let alone any bad ones that would be worth telling here. But hearing one like this makes me hesitant to even try. I'm afraid of getting hurt in a serious relationship, but I had no idea people like this girl existed. As implied by Argyris, this is a kind of tragedy I would only expect to hear in fiction.

 

I really hope a good song is soothing your heart through your HE-6!   

post #853 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post

Well, I did get an HE-6 shortly after. If I ever wind up with Stax, assume the worst confused_face.gif

She needs a cruise missile up her butt!mad.gif
post #854 of 1393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
  Okay, seriously long story here. (Click to show)

Thinking about it, I've got an amusing story involving the girl I posted about previously (whom I shall call Zoe from now on) that might work here. Here's the scoop. My trials with Zoe ranged from fall of 2002 through the end of the summer of 2006. I was involved with her off and on between then but never exclusively. So in 2005, I asked this other girl (whom I shall call Jane) to this winter dance thing the school was having. Turns out Zoe had decided to come. Yes, she was three years older than me and therefore had already graduated, but she was still coming to the high school dance. You see, one of the guys she spent a considerable amount of time with was still in school, and she was his date. Another guy who knew her and who knew about my relationship with her (and witnessed some of the bad turns thereof) saw me and Jane at the dance and told me that "my friend" was there.

 

Here's where I did something both very brave and very stupid (to use a line from Harry Potter). I sought out Zoe, chased her down, and said hello. I presented Jane to her as my girlfriend (which she had agreed to become earlier in the night). I wanted to see what Zoe would do, and I admit to being slightly vindictive in my aim here. I wanted her to see her "replacement." Zoe was blindsided and wrong footed, and it was one of the few times she hadn't managed to control a situation. We made mindless small talk, then Jane and I went our own way, leaving Zoe bewildered and possibly stewing.

 

Later, another girl (whom I had actually liked before I liked Jane but was told by her friend to stop pursuing) came up to me and asked for a dance, and after asking permission from Jane I obliged. After the song ended, I went off to try to find Jane and was accosted by Zoe. She marched right up to me and said "We need to talk" and basically led me out into the hall. She was clearly stunned that I had found somebody else, even though she and I had had a falling out over a year ago, and we were never exactly exclusive. Let me make something clear. Her mother disliked that Zoe associated with me, possibly because I was so young (and, I'll admit it, a teenager with raging hormones and for whom everything tended to be like the end of the world). My mother despised Zoe because of all the pain she had caused me.

 

But here's Zoe telling me that she knows my mother hates her and that her mother doesn't approve, and that I wasn't driving yet at that point (and therefore wouldn't exactly be able to come meet her anywhere), but that we could still be friends if I wanted to try to make the relationship work. She was babbling, clearly flustered. Granted, she always had a funny way of talking, with odd word choices and a tendency to talk past you rather than to you. Anyway, I brought up some of the things she had done to me and she made excuses. I told her that I knew she was BSing because I'd heard from other people what she was really doing when she had been blowing me off before. She seemed unfazed, and she didn't try to defend herself, basically telling me she knew she had gotten caught. She then started getting timeframes wrong, and I told her that apparently she lived in the same alternate world as the guy in My Cousin Vinnie whose grits got done at a different speed from everyone else's. The sarcasm bounced right off of her. She said she hadn't seen the film. It went on a little while longer until suddenly she got up and in dramatic form said, "Well you always told me I'm the only thing holding you together!," to which I said coldly, "I've grown up a bit since then." She shouted "Well so have I!" and tore off.

 

She hadn't, of course. She was devastated that I had stood up to her, found a "replacement" for her, and basically told her I didn't need her anymore. I don't think she was just angry. She was hurt. Quite badly, as it turns out.

 

Here's the best part (sorry for the ridiculous length; if you've gotten this far give yourself a pat on the back, 1,000 bonus points, and an extra life). About two weeks later my father told me a rather amusing story. He had been taking a completed shipment out to the car (my family breeds tropical fish, and we frequently box up shipments and drive them to the city airport) and noticed something that smelled like extremely strong perfume. Zoe wore a very particular kind, which produces pangs of longing and feelings of repulsion in me even today when somebody wears it (I don't know which one it is; I've never had the courage to ask any of the ladies I've met who were wearing it). She also apparently bathed in it when she put it on. And to put this in perspective, the nearest house is over 100 yards away. It wasn't likely to be something from another house, especially something like perfume.

 

Anyway, there's a room above the garage which is mostly used for storage but where I occasionally went to concentrate on stuff, and I must have told Zoe about it. She must have thought it was my bedroom. Yes, you know where this is going. We think she came to my house one evening, hid her car up the street, and figured she would try to get my attention and make her appeal to me, Romeo and Juliet-style, though with me looking down from the window instead of her. When the garage door opened, she must have gotten spooked and ducked around the corner. My father didn't figure it out at the time, otherwise he would have looked around the corner and caught her.

 

I know she was there. I even asked her on a later date if she had ever come to my house in the evening, and she said something like "I might have, if I were in the neighborhood visiting somebody else." She didn't know anybody who lived around me (that I knew of, at least), and how do you not remember doing something like that? Let me clarify about Zoe: she remembered every single thing I ever said to her. She remembered every single time we ever saw one another. (It was the same for me, BTW). Now all of a sudden her memory is conveniently foggy? Come on. She was there. I know it.

 

You know the sad thing? To this day I'm terribly moved by her doing that, and I still like to imagine what I might have done if I had been up in that room and she had managed to live out her Juliet aspirations. I also wonder what would have happened if my father had discovered her. My mother hated Zoe but my father didn't. He said he would have talked to her, perhaps tried to get her to explain what she was after. He was a psychology major in college, being just a few classes short of a master's degree. He had originally wanted to do clinical but got shunted into social because of departmental politics. He therefore would have been able to ask the right questions, and he was willing to do more than just blindly hate her the way my mother did. He might have even been able to help her. Anyway, he told me that if he had found her he would have fetched me after a while and had us all talk, then left Zoe and me alone to work out whatever needed to be worked out.

 

I have no idea what I would have done if I had talked to her that night. I was dating Jane at the time, and I would like to believe I would not have walked away from that. I know now that Zoe was something of a homewrecker, and I can't discount that motivation on her part that night. But I still think she was genuinely hurt by me finding somebody else, especially since I pretty much rubbed it in her face, and that she wanted closure. Against everything I know to be right, and all the best judgment in the world, I regard the whole thing as a sorely missed opportunity. As it turns out, Jane dumped me two weeks later (therein lies a story for another time), so I was left alone with nothing but the "what if" thoughts to populate my imagination.

 

As schiitty as your experience was, you were actually somewhat lucky that she cared about you, which was evident in the way that she was genuinely hurt when you found someone else. At least she didn't try to get back at you in revenge. I just thought of a story of mine where she reacted quite differently...

 

In high school I developed a crush on this gorgeous but shallow girl who had no self-esteem whatsoever. Actually she had no "self," period. She preyed on guys to feel good about herself, because it made her feel powerful. She would lead guys on just to reject them, and set up false "dates" that resulted in the guy waiting for her for hours, but she never showed up. She had no backbone, no personality - she was sweet and innocent when she interacted with me, but in front of her friends she acted cool and totally ignored me. She smoked and did drugs to fit in with the "cool" kids. But she had the looks, which worked in her favour.

 

Of course, I didn't know about most of this until long after the fact. I just got sick of all the hot and cold, with her ignoring me in front of her friends, as if I wasn't cool enough for her and she didn't want to be seen with me in front of them. I finally had enough and broke things off. This was a complete shock to her. She was used to being in control, having all the guys at her mercy, playing with them like toys, and now I dared to reject her!? As revenge, she took a love letter that I wrote her and sent it to a bunch of people. The thing pretty much went viral (and this was before the concept of things "going viral" on the internet even existed). People I had never seen or met in my life were talking about me, and I didn't even know it was happening. I finally found out about it after someone told me they had heard about it from someone from another school. It had spread to another school and back, that's how bad it was.

 

Many years later, I don't know whether to hate her or feel sorry for her. She was just an empty shell (albeit a very good looking shell) with nothing inside, and she took advantage of her looks to make her feel like she's worth something. I haven't heard anything about her, so I don't know whether she's changed for the better, or continued to go down the dark road she was going.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

Wouldn't it be truly bizarre if, in the intervening years, she'd picked up headphones and was on this very site right now? Or if she somehow figured out what my web presence is (I tend to use Argyris or LordArgyris for public accounts) and was following all my posts all over the Internet? I would be in so much trouble right now....:veryevil: 

 

Unlikely in your case, but remember my story about the expert online stalker? I wouldn't be surprised at all if she were reading this, given her stalking prowess. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

Sigh.

 

it dredges deep... long rambling and hurtful post... you have been warned (Click to show)

 

A couple years back I was dating someone. Before that, I'd been single for nearly a decade. I don't open up easily and several bad experiences in between made me very closed to trying. But anyhow, I met this girl and we hit it off quite well. She was actually the aggressor at the beginning, which was nice. She was quite a bit younger though, which made me hesitant to start anything even though I was very attracted to her. So we remained friends, and a bit later she starts seeing somebody else and phew I feel like the pressure isn't on me anymore.

 

A year passes and we become closer. There's definitely still a spark but we don't act on it, especially not with her having a boyfriend. Anyhow, drama aside (actually there was none), things weren't working out with the guy and she breaks up with him and the focus is back on the two of us. We don't act on it. For a day. After that, well, I was still considering the age gap, but in the previous year I had gotten to know her much better and we seemed much more compatible. So yeah, things start off and they're fantastic. We're absolutely crazy for each other, crazy passionate, spend all our time together, etc. We were practically living together after a few weeks. All seemed good. After a year I was seriously considering proposing, but figured that would be too soon. I had a ring actually.

 

Springtime I get her a new job at one of my favourite restaurants (a little family run place). She loves it there and is constantly talking about her new work family. She actually starts hanging out with them quite a bit, but I'm never invited along. Summer rolls around and she tells me about this yearly cruise that the restaurant family/employees go on every few years. She asks me if I'd like to go too. Well ok, seems like fun. So a cruise is planned for early February, with the two of us, her family, and the work family.

 

Now as the months go on she's super excited. She talks about the cruise at work with everyone there, then comes home and talks to me about it. Now, I'm not a super excitable guy. I'm happy to go on the trip, but she's getting all giddy planning stuff with the work family and I have no idea since it's all new to me. She actually starts to get rather frustrated with me around now because I'm not excited enough. I dunno. I don't get it.

 

Fall time now, and she's been frustrated with me a lot but never tells me why. She's been spending a lot of time with the work family and I'm always left out. I ask if I can meet these people sometime since they're obviously important to her, and I want to be a part of that too, but she always says that it's not her place to invite outsiders. So I'm an outsider now? I was the one that got her the job. Around now the criticisms also start. About my work, about my hobbies, nothing was good enough. She even criticized my relationship with my family. Nothing was as good as this work family of hers that she now clearly idolized. She also starting to become less enamoured in the other more intimate aspects of the relationship as well. I don't make out to be some super stud or anything. Sometimes things are great, sometimes they aren't. But from her point of view, it was always my problem. Always my fault that things in the bedroom weren't working. So it became more stressful, and it got worse, and it was always something that I was doing wrong. It was bad enough that she criticized and chipped away at everything that I defined myself by, that she criticized my family and that I wasn't good enough, but now she was criticizing my masculinity. I was becoming such a miserable wreck that by the end of things I was suffering from ED. It didn't matter anyways, since she cut out all intimacy weeks earlier and wouldn't let me touch her at all.

 

So the cruise is still coming up. This blasted cruise. She's unhappy but doesn't tell me why even though I keep asking and trying different things. I'm working on the relationship, but she isn't. Nothing I do is good enough with her. She doesn't want to spend time with me; she'd rather spend the time with her work family. It becomes clear the cruise was more about her spending time with them rather than us getting to go on a cruise together.

 

I've flat out asked to meet her work family now. I want to meet these people who she looks up to. Maybe if I can see what they're like, how she interacts with them, it can strengthen/repair our relationship. No, she says I'm not invited. We try to talk things out. Basically, she wants me to be more like them, but I can't meet them. So what the hell... I'm only going to meet them on the cruise? It actually comes down to an ultimatum: I will meet the work family on the cruise, and if we get along, maybe there'll be a chance for the relationship. So stupid right? But by now I'm so confused that I just go along with it.

 

So the cruise finally comes along, and I'm miserable. She's showering everybody with affection, everybody but me. She acts differently around me, like I'm holding her back and she resents me for it. I don't know why she does it. I meet her work family, they're good people, we laugh, make the same jokes, etc. When they joke, she laughs with them. When I joke, they laugh with me, she looks at me and asks why the hell am I acting like that, because it's not me. What the eff?

 

It's a two week long cruise. After one week, things have reached a breaking point. She dumps me. She tells me she got bored of me. That I became an "obligation". Do you know how much that screws a guy up? I'm pretty much a wreck. The past few months have been torment and now I'm trapped on a god damned boat with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, nothing. I am seriously considering tossing myself off the boat. I had it planned down to the drink (and I don't drink), the note that I would write, and the most remote part of the boat where no one would see me. And I would have done it for revenge, because I wanted her to hurt for making me feel that way. So stupid, bit it made sense at the time. The really asinine thing though, the reason why I couldn't toss myself into the ocean, is because I'm afraid of drowning.

 

So anyhow, the second week is a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent a couple days just crawled under a staircase weeping. Too many things in my head. Trying desperately to figure things out. There were so many clues you see, that I was so bloody blind to over the last few months. I barely remember the plane ride back home, though I know I started fighting with her on the plane. She just wanted me to quiet down, but I was now free from being nice.

 

It took me about two months to finally figure it all out. Here's the gist of it. She'd been cheating on me. With her boss' son. Guess who was also on the cruise? So that entire family knew and was in on it. She idolized the family, had an unhealthy relationship with the dad/cook, and hey now she had a perfect "in" with the family. How convenient.

 

And looking back, I should have seen it. She blew me off on her birthday in October and told me she'd rather spend time with her work family. At one point I was talking with the dad on the boat about how she'd rather spend her birthday with them, and he looks all confused because she wasn't with them on her birthday. Ah. I should have clued in there. Y'know, around the same time she cut off intimacy with me. Right, that should have been another red flag right there. Other stuff was happening on the boat too. Even some of the cruise staff were trying to tell me about things they were seeing, but I was so bloody blind.

 

Three fraking months of running around behind my back, then dumping me in the middle of a two week cruise with no where to go. She even gave me the no-win ultimatum, like some joke to pull me along. I called her on that. Actually that was the fight on the plane. I told her she was unfair and treated me poorly, giving me no chance, in fact just stringing me along, that it was unfair to even force the ultimatum anyways, but goddam it I tried and she knew it, and she didn't do anything. And she never admitted the infidelity. Like I said, it took me months to figure it all out.

 

Making things worse, the new guy was doing his best to be all buddy buddy on the cruise. Even after she dumped me, he tried to console me, talked to me. Like an idiot, I confided things in him and just started talking about all the things I did "wrong". Wow so in retrospect I basically told him all the things to avoid she he could be a better fit for her. Before the breakup he even had the audacity to ask me about advice with women, saying he'd had his eye on one girl but didn't know how to approach her. Can't believe it.

 

Frak it all, now I'm all pissed off after writing this out. I'm leaving out things too, but I can feel my blood pressure going up and my hands are shaking. She criticized me, chipped away at everything I defined myself by as a person, and after that she kicked me while I was down and took away my masculinity. Stranded me emotionally, forced me into a no-win ultimatum, and stranded me literally in the middle of the ocean. I was on the brink of suicide held back only by my own phobia of water.

 

 

Dang, I'm definitely feeling your pain reading this one, because I think I'm the type of person to fall for something like this. It just seemed so perfect at the beginning, and you even had a ring ready. What could possibly go wrong? And then boom :( I don't even know what to make of her. Was there something about her personality that made her more likely to act like that? How old was she?


Edited by blueangel2323 - 10/23/13 at 8:59am
post #855 of 1393
Thread Starter 

By my count I've had to deal with infidelity about 6 times now. The last story was the only one where I was actually in a relationship and was cheated on. The other 5... were situations that seemed like they could become something, and then I discovered I was the other man. The first time it happened, I was super upset and became physically ill when I found out (and she was actually married). The second time I was similarly upset. Third time I think I was entering wtf territory. Fourth time I wasn't even fazed and just laughed and walked away. Fifth time, which came after the one who cheated on me, well, for a brief moment it bothered me, and then it didn't.

 

I think it's safe to say I might not have a healthy view of women anymore :confused_face:

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueangel2323 View Post

 

Dang, I'm definitely feeling your pain reading this one, because I think I'm the type of person to fall for something like this. It just seemed so perfect at the beginning, and you even had a ring ready. What could possibly go wrong? And then boom :( I don't even know what to make of her. Was there something about her personality that made her more likely to act like that? How old was she?

 

Early twenties with daddy issues. She came to view our cohabitation as an infringement upon her freedom. The new guy, he does shift work in the oil fields, so three weeks on/one week off. So for most of the month she gets her freedom and spends time with her adoptive work family, then for one week gets the excitement of a boyfriend before he leaves again. So it's the perfect/most convenient situation for her.


Edited by Armaegis - 10/23/13 at 8:01pm
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