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worst date stories - Page 55

post #811 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tangster View Post
 

Well I think the logic behind this is that if you ignore her then she will actually appreciate her time with you more. Like if you are always there, then shell never have time to contemplate what time without you feels like, but if you are ambivalent towards her in that you only speak to her from time to time but make those times really special, it gives her a reason to chase after you in those times that you are "ignoring her," thus increasing attraction.

post #812 of 1386

I think it's more that if you ignore her, it comes across as confident, and it also presents a project. How can I get him to notice me? If you're constantly doing all those other things on the chart (incidentally, the things that they all say they want in a man, which is clearly BS), I guess you come across as too desperate, or too much of a "friend."

 

I find I do much better with women when I'm half asleep. I suppose this makes me look disinterested, or at least slows me down a bit so I don't look too eager. I also seem to be funnier when I'm in this state. I've made quite a few people laugh hysterically by pointing out banal things in a dryly sarcastic way.

post #813 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

I think it's more that if you ignore her, it comes across as confident, and it also presents a project. How can I get him to notice me? If you're constantly doing all those other things on the chart (incidentally, the things that they all say they want in a man, which is clearly BS), I guess you come across as too desperate, or too much of a "friend."

 

I find I do much better with women when I'm half asleep. I suppose this makes me look disinterested, or at least slows me down a bit so I don't look too eager. I also seem to be funnier when I'm in this state. I've made quite a few people laugh hysterically by pointing out banal things in a dryly sarcastic way.

LOL yea its funny but the people who I see doing the best with women seem to have this cocky, ignorant air about them that isnt completely selfless but kinda self centered too. This makes htem hard to reach and they dont seem to get involved in peoples affairs easily - they stay aloof and thus "hard to reach."

post #814 of 1386
post #815 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

I find I do much better with women when I'm half asleep.

It's also not the best indicator for potency.

 

Procreation first, kids.

post #816 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinQY View Post
 

It's also not the best indicator for potency.

 

Procreation first, kids.

Screw that! (pardon the pun)

post #817 of 1386

Of course, this thread is about foreplay foremost, how could I have forgotten.

post #818 of 1386

I feel like every time I post here I'm essentially trolling, so here's something real for once.

 

I've actually had some pretty terrible experiences, but I've fought with myself to not say anything because I didn't want to drag it up. It's not even remotely funny. I was basically told on one date that I had no value as a friend or as a human being, and the girl spent about an hour systematically attacking me, trying to convince me that my friends didn't care about me and were lying to me. I think she was trying to get me to shout at her, but I was just so dazed that I remained silent. She then acted like the whole thing was over and in the past and was something somebody could actually forget about. That was enough for me. It was the culmination of a four year fascination I had had with this girl. The whole thing was ill fated from the beginning, for reasons I'm not even going to get into.

 

I don't think that she was a horrible person. I just think that she had a very messed up home life, particularly her relationship with her mother, and that that ultimately made her the way she was. Like I said above, I think she was seeking abuse by doing what she did, and I think that's because she was abused at home. I have no idea what she's like now. That whole thing was seven years ago, and it was the last time I ever saw her. It was also the last date I ever went on with anybody.

post #819 of 1386

:( that made me sad

post #820 of 1386
The part about her being abused disturbed me. Poor girl...
post #821 of 1386

Unfortunately, that's what happens sometimes. A lot of this was stuff I found out afterward, from people she confided in. Not that there was anything I could have done, but I might have tried something nonetheless. I don't think there was necessarily physical abuse. But you can devastate somebody psychologically, without laying a finger on them. All you have to do is keep moving the goalposts around, yelling at them for the same thing they did nine times before without incident, continually pushing them in one direction, then shifting on a dime; or else just telling them they're worthless whenever you're pissed at them (or at anything else in the world). You can also constantly get in their business and accuse them of hiding things and lying, which tells them you don't trust them. You can dole out punishments that are wholly out of proportion with the offense. You can tell them how disappointed you are with their performance at something, no matter how well they do or how much effort they put into it, which makes them lose self esteem. You can criticize the things they enjoy, the choices they make, the people they befriend. The list goes on and on. All this stuff taken separately might not seem like all that much, but put it all together, and add an element of inconsistency, so you don't even know what you're going to get next, and you've got abuse.

 

The thing is, I don't think I can let her off entirely scott free. She had a manipulative streak, as evidenced by all the various guys she had hovering around her, of which I was only one. She would play with our affections, roping us in when we started to drift away, then admonishing us when we got too close. Often times I had no idea what I had done wrong to set her off, which mirrors how things were at home for her. She would also move in on other girls' boyfriends, and then act oblivious when said girls got angry. In fact, nothing was ever her fault.

 

None of this was acceptable behavior. But it was all likely derived from something in her character that was exacerbated by the way she was treated. She should have known better, but really, could she, given her upbringing? At some point, as an adult, you need to learn what's right and what isn't. But that doesn't make it any easier if you've never had proper role models.

 

She did a lot of things like the story in my first post to me, though that was by far the worst. I could hate her. Quite a few people I know do hate her. But I can't. I just can't. Every time I get to thinking about our relationship--and make no mistake, I pulled some schiit with her, too--I just can't help but feel sorry for her. Wherever she is, I hope she's all right and that she's figured herself out.

post #822 of 1386

Fuar this has got to be the most dnm thread on head fi

post #823 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post

Unfortunately, that's what happens sometimes. A lot of this was stuff I found out afterward, from people she confided in. Not that there was anything I could have done, but I might have tried something nonetheless. I don't think there was necessarily physical abuse. But you can devastate somebody psychologically, without laying a finger on them. All you have to do is keep moving the goalposts around, yelling at them for the same thing they did nine times before without incident, continually pushing them in one direction, then shifting on a dime; or else just telling them they're worthless whenever you're pissed at them (or at anything else in the world). You can also constantly get in their business and accuse them of hiding things and lying, which tells them you don't trust them. You can dole out punishments that are wholly out of proportion with the offense. You can tell them how disappointed you are with their performance at something, no matter how well they do or how much effort they put into it, which makes them lose self esteem. You can criticize the things they enjoy, the choices they make, the people they befriend. The list goes on and on. All this stuff taken separately might not seem like all that much, but put it all together, and add an element of inconsistency, so you don't even know what you're going to get next, and you've got abuse.

The thing is, I don't think I can let her off entirely scott free. She had a manipulative streak, as evidenced by all the various guys she had hovering around her, of which I was only one. She would play with our affections, roping us in when we started to drift away, then admonishing us when we got too close. Often times I had no idea what I had done wrong to set her off, which mirrors how things were at home for her. She would also move in on other girls' boyfriends, and then act oblivious when said girls got angry. In fact, nothing was ever her fault.

None of this was acceptable behavior. But it was all likely derived from something in her character that was exacerbated by the way she was treated. She should have known better, but really, could she, given her upbringing? At some point, as an adult, you need to learn what's right and what isn't. But that doesn't make it any easier if you've never had proper role models.

She did a lot of things like the story in my first post to me, though that was by far the worst. I could hate her. Quite a few people I know do hate her. But I can't. I just can't. Every time I get to thinking about our relationship--and make no mistake, I pulled some schiit with her, too--I just can't help but feel sorry for her. Wherever she is, I hope she's all right and that she's figured herself out.

Hmmmm.......sounds a lot like someone who used to be in my circle of friends.
I think that due to her upbringing her brain just got wired that way.
post #824 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argyris View Post
 

Unfortunately, that's what happens sometimes. A lot of this was stuff I found out afterward, from people she confided in. Not that there was anything I could have done, but I might have tried something nonetheless. I don't think there was necessarily physical abuse. But you can devastate somebody psychologically, without laying a finger on them. All you have to do is keep moving the goalposts around, yelling at them for the same thing they did nine times before without incident, continually pushing them in one direction, then shifting on a dime; or else just telling them they're worthless whenever you're pissed at them (or at anything else in the world). You can also constantly get in their business and accuse them of hiding things and lying, which tells them you don't trust them. You can dole out punishments that are wholly out of proportion with the offense. You can tell them how disappointed you are with their performance at something, no matter how well they do or how much effort they put into it, which makes them lose self esteem. You can criticize the things they enjoy, the choices they make, the people they befriend. The list goes on and on. All this stuff taken separately might not seem like all that much, but put it all together, and add an element of inconsistency, so you don't even know what you're going to get next, and you've got abuse.

 

The thing is, I don't think I can let her off entirely scott free. She had a manipulative streak, as evidenced by all the various guys she had hovering around her, of which I was only one. She would play with our affections, roping us in when we started to drift away, then admonishing us when we got too close. Often times I had no idea what I had done wrong to set her off, which mirrors how things were at home for her. She would also move in on other girls' boyfriends, and then act oblivious when said girls got angry. In fact, nothing was ever her fault.

 

None of this was acceptable behavior. But it was all likely derived from something in her character that was exacerbated by the way she was treated. She should have known better, but really, could she, given her upbringing? At some point, as an adult, you need to learn what's right and what isn't. But that doesn't make it any easier if you've never had proper role models.

 

She did a lot of things like the story in my first post to me, though that was by far the worst. I could hate her. Quite a few people I know do hate her. But I can't. I just can't. Every time I get to thinking about our relationship--and make no mistake, I pulled some schiit with her, too--I just can't help but feel sorry for her. Wherever she is, I hope she's all right and that she's figured herself out.


You might want to google "Hostile Dependant" and read a little.

post #825 of 1386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hutnicks View Post
 


You might want to google "Hostile Dependant" and read a little.

The girl sounded like poison to me.  Argyris you deserve better.  Agree with Hutnicks you may be identifying with the aggressor.  I suspect you are a nice guy trying to understand someone with big problems.

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