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worst date stories - Page 38

post #556 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Achmedisdead View Post
 

 

Story of my life, right there.....perpetually friend-zoned.

 

Start by working on your levels of eye contact.

 

I don't mean staring, and I don't mean sexually-suggestive eye contact, I just mean generally learning how to be comfortable retaining good conversational eye contact with people.

 

After a while, you'll find yourself more comfortable holding eye contact with women, and women subconsciously respond to this because they're accustomed to very few people holding eye contact with them. Women are looking for a man who can confidently fulfil their needs, and who can connect with them, emotionally.

 

But there is a caveat:   as I mentioned in a previous post (http://www.head-fi.org/t/664938/worst-date-stories/510#post_9810187), in order to be confident, natural, and relaxed around women, it is essential that you don't feel that 'the stakes are high'. Failure to understand this means you will glow like kryptonite to women. It's not a simple 'decision', it's a deeper understanding of yourself and how you relate to yourself and to the opposite sex. Until you are truly comfortable being single, you'll be spinning your wheels (unless you're just a delusionally arrogant player bouncing from one one-night-stand to the next, in which case you may have fun but you're unlikely to attract any relationship-worthy women)

post #557 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mython View Post
 

 

Start by working on your levels of eye contact.

 

I don't mean staring, and I don't mean sexually-suggestive eye contact, I just mean generally learning how to be comfortable retaining good conversational eye contact with people.

 

After a while, you'll find yourself more comfortable holding eye contact with women, and women subconsciously respond to this because they're accustomed to very few people holding eye contact with them. Women are looking for a man who can confidently fulfil their needs, and who can connect with them, emotionally.

 

But there is a caveat:   as I mentioned in a previous post (http://www.head-fi.org/t/664938/worst-date-stories/510#post_9810187), in order to be confident, natural, and relaxed around women, it is essential that you don't feel that 'the stakes are high'. Failure to understand this means you will glow like kryptonite to women. It's not a simple 'decision', it's a deeper understanding of yourself and how you relate to yourself and to the opposite sex. Until you are truly comfortable being single, you'll be spinning your wheels (unless you're just a delusionally arrogant player bouncing from one one-night-stand to the next, in which case you may have fun but you're unlikely to attract any relationship-worthy women)

I assume you must be the real life love doctor judging from your posts.

post #558 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesusGuy View Post
 

I assume you must be the real life love doctor judging from your posts.

 

Or just older and have more experience (and/or jadedness)

post #559 of 1328
Thread Starter 

It's easy to spout wisdom. Saying and doing are vastly different things however.

post #560 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesusGuy View Post
 

I assume you must be the real life love doctor judging from your posts.

 

LOL.

 

I can take your criticism and cynicism on the chin :wink_face:

 

 

As for what I said, it is just as true for friendships, so romance isn't really the issue here.

 

As for 'love', that's an interesting word, which unfortunately does not have a consistent semantic meaning in society.

 

'Love', as it is commonly applied to romantic relationships, is far too often a 'grasping' at something/someone, due to a misunderstanding that oneself is 'incomplete'. "I really love you" all too often is synonymous with "I feel incomplete without you and thus desperately feel the need to keep you in a relationship with me, so that I can feel a degree of security&happiness". It's really astonishing how prevalent this illusion is in the human population, and one major contributor to this is insufficient cognitive awareness, which leads to attempts to grasp at external things/people in order to 'solve' negative emotions. But emotions are generated in one's own mind, so grasping at external things/people is an utterly misguided (albeit remarkably common) thing to do. The most effective way to deal with this is to instead improve one's level of cognitive awareness, which is something I've discussed previously in this thread (it's important to note that cognitive awareness is not the same thing as intellectual/conceptual knowledge/understanding).

 

 

So, no, what I've posted in this thread is not because I think I'm a 'love doctor'.

 

What I've posted stems from my understanding of psychology (I am qualified, by the way), and from personally experiencing the positive results of increasing my level of cognitive awareness.

 

I wish I'd understood the value of increased cognitive awareness, and how to attain it, during my younger years, as it has changed virtually every aspect of my life for the better, given that it underpins virtually every aspect of life experience. I'm not suggesting for one minute that life is a bed of roses, but everything is relative :wink:

 

 

Anyway, all the best to you and I hope you have (or find) happiness in yourself  :beerchug: 


Edited by Mython - 9/19/13 at 1:31pm
post #561 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
 

It's easy to spout wisdom. Saying and doing are vastly different things however.

 

Why assume that saying and doing are mutually exclusive?

 

I have done, and continue to do, all the things I suggested in my previous couple of posts.

 

I am contented without grasping at others for companionship, and I do naturally make good eye contact with people of both sexes when I speak with them. It is amazing how much more responsive and engaging people are, in conversation, when they feel you are acknowledging them and listening to them, sustained eye contact being a major non-verbal cue in this regard.

 

In my younger days, I used to feel I needed someone in order to feel contented, and this led to me believing that the stakes were high when approaching the opposite sex, and, no surprise, I never had the guts to chat to any women, or, on the extremely rare occasions that I did, I fumbled my words or couldn't sustain a meaningful conversation past the first couple of sentences. As I matured, and as I increased my level of cognitive awareness, I became vastly more comfortable in myself as a human being, vastly more relaxed in myself and in interactions with others, and I have witnessed what an extraordinary difference this has made to the way people interact with me, face to face. Women do approach me now, even though, ironically, I am very content being single.

 

This, of course, is the paradox I described previously.

 

The less you 'need' someone, the more people are drawn to you. They subconsciously sense your relaxed state and are thus drawn to it. It's peculiar but life just works that way.

 

 

Please understand that I don't suggest these principles to others out of arrogance - I'm genuinely trying to give people a 'heads-up' on fundamental principles which I wish someone had given me, when I was younger. It could have saved me so many years of angst, and when I see how much angst there is in this thread, of course I'd like to help avert some of that angst. In amongst the jokes and unpleasant memories, there are some really sincere posts in this thread, from some members, who maybe deserve a little support from fellow members. I apologise if some of you resent my trying to be of assistance, or assume I am being insincere or haven't actually walked the talk, because, I assure you, I absolutely have walked the talk, and I am being sincere.

 

 

If there are any of my suggestions you feel are incorrect, by all means let me know, but I have experienced them to be valid in my life, as have many others, in their experience. I take absolutely zero credit for said principles - I learned them from others, and so on, and so on.


Edited by Mython - 9/19/13 at 1:57pm
post #562 of 1328
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mython View Post
 

 

Why assume that saying and doing are mutually exclusive?

 

I have done, and continue to do, all the things I suggested in my previous couple of posts.

 

 

Oh I wasn't picking on you. I'm just saying that executing all the wisdom is sometimes easier said than done. I'm no spring chicken these days either, and I'd like to think I have a good handle on actually doing what I say and have managed to put theory into practice before. That said, I find I am still capable of some phenomenally stupid things around women... :rolleyes:

post #563 of 1328
This thread is starting to remind me of the Sound Science Forum! tongue.gif
post #564 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris J View Post

This thread is starting to remind me of the Sound Science Forum! tongue.gif


 :tongue:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
I'm just saying that executing all the wisdom is sometimes easier said than done.

 

...which is why I am careful to emphasise that the principles I'm discussing are rooted primarily on a foundation of making an effort to improve one's level of cognitive awareness, as opposed to attempting to apply them on a purely intellectual level.

 

Meditation is pretty much the best way to improve cognitive awareness, because it increases the synchronisation of the brain hemispheres, and because it increases activity in certain areas of the cortex, and intercommunication between certain areas of the cortex. Over time, this has a profound influence on the degree to which a person is able to consciously 'witness' / observe the multitude of thought processes occurring in the subconscious mind. When one becomes able to consciously witness strings of thoughts that create an emotional response, one begins to be able to have a degree of conscious control over how one's emotional responses are created. This is hugely positive for an individual's emotional and mental health. I admit that this does sound weird and theoretical, but it isn't.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post
I am still capable of some phenomenally stupid things around women... :rolleyes:

 

 

Yeah, me too. Ain't life fun? lol

post #565 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mython View Post

...which is why I am careful to emphasise that the principles I'm discussing are rooted primarily on a foundation of making an effort to improve one's level of cognitive awareness, as opposed to attempting to apply them on a purely intellectual level.

Meditation is pretty much the best way to improve cognitive awareness, because it increases the synchronisation of the brain hemispheres, and because it increases activity in certain areas of the cortex, and intercommunication between certain areas of the cortex. Over time, this has a profound influence on the degree to which a person is able to consciously 'witness' / observe the multitude of thought processes occurring in the subconscious mind. When one becomes able to consciously witness strings of thoughts that create an emotional response, one begins to be able to have a degree of conscious control over how one's emotional responses are created. This is hugely positive for an individual's emotional and mental health. I admit that this does sound weird and theoretical, but it isn't.



Yeah, me too. Ain't life fun? lol


OK, I've posted my bad joke.redface.gif

The difference is.......in the Sound Science Forum, people who don't understand technology use a very poor grasp of psychology to cover up for their poor grasp of technology!

In this thread, the main topic of discussion really is psychology!
post #566 of 1328
Thread Starter 

This one time I was seated on a plane next to a stunningly gorgeous woman. We chatted, we flirted and laughed, I remained composed and dignified and all seemed well. Then she had to retrieve something from the overhead compartment and her blouse popped open. Even after composing herself, I was pretty much reduced to a blithering drooling child for the rest of the (mercifully short) flight.

 

p.s. they were fantastic

 

 

:beerchug:

post #567 of 1328

wow, don't mean to go anymore OT on this thread, but I've never been so engaged in a thread. Since this thread, I've been able to identify problems I seem to have by keeping myself emotionally, mentally and physically in check (I have WAY to many mental/emotional problems such as emotional un-stability, uncontrolled eating, lack of self-confidence, random sudden increases in cockiness and rude traits similar to that and a lack of productivity to name a few).

post #568 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Armaegis View Post

This one time I was seated on a plane next to a stunningly gorgeous woman. We chatted, we flirted and laughed, I remained composed and dignified and all seemed well. Then she had to retrieve something from the overhead compartment and her blouse popped open. Even after composing herself, I was pretty much reduced to a blithering drooling child for the rest of the (mercifully short) flight.

p.s. they were fantastic


beerchug.gif


I once met a woman like that.
After talking to her for a while, I realized that her beauty was a burden to her.
It was apparent that she found it difficult to deal with men who couldn't get past her stunning looks!
Franky, it took me about an hour or two to get past it myself!

I think extremely beautiful, yet intelligent rational women, have a problem dealing with people in their day to day lives.......
post #569 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris J View Post


I once met a woman like that.
After talking to her for a while, I realized that her beauty was a burden to her.
It was apparent that she found it difficult to deal with men who couldn't get past her stunning looks!
Franky, it took me about an hour or two to get past it myself!

I think extremely beautiful, yet intelligent rational women, have a problem dealing with people in their day to day lives.......

 

 

I don't doubt that such women exist, but I've never personally encountered one. I remember one of my uni friends assuring me that one of her female friends has precisely the problem you describe. Apparently, daily life aside, she also struggles, romantically, because men are often too intimidated to approach her. And, of course, beautiful women often unintentionally raise the hackles of jealous insecure women, who feel threatened by beautiful women, and that can be a really common problem in the workplace, in addition to people assuming that a beautiful women got to a decent position in a company because of her looks.

 

The 'beautiful' (in this particular context, I'm using the term 'beautiful' in the 'glamourous' sense) women I encounter more often suffer from being a slave to their own appearance. They have become so accustomed to receiving attention for their looks that they have grown to psychologically crave that attention in order to feel good about themselves, which leads to them feeling insecure about their 'looking their best', and insecure in general, when they don't feel they are receiving enough attention.

 

Either way, above-average good looks can certainly be a burden for some people, I agree.


Edited by Mython - 9/19/13 at 3:18pm
post #570 of 1328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris J View Post


In this thread, the main topic of discussion really is psychology!

 

 

I disagree. There's far more 'bad dates' stories in this thread than there is psychology. But plenty of bad dates have, at their foundation, some psychological quirks. Probably more due to that than to pure bad luck, I reckon.

 

All part of life's rich tapestry, no? :beerchug:

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