The question isn't what the Invicta does, its what it doesn't do. I have compiled a small list:
Drive Balanced Headphones without an adapter
Operate on Battery power
Laugh at jokes made at its own expense
Ask for directions even when it has no idea where it is
Grow a Mullet
Freak out that its going to get sucked through the bottom of the escalator if it doesn't hop off at the end
Brings a fake grocery list so that other shoppers think it has to buy the extra large box of Snickers ice cream bars because it's wife wrote it down on the shopping list for the big party and its totally not buying it for itself
Always choose self-checkout at the grocery store so it doesn't get judged when it buys 3 gallons of ice cream that everyone knows its just going to eat at home itself in one sitting
Develop callouses learning the chords to wonderwall to impress a girl who, as it turns out, only listens to doom metal
Constantly complains about said callouses so that everyone knows it plays guitar and is like, artistic and stuff.
Gets peeved no one takes its artistry seriously and fakes angst to impress upon them just how artistic it is
Spirals into depression over no one buying its angst and as a result becomes truly angst-filled and finally finds an appreciative audience but is now too screwed up to care about it
Assembles a cover band who covers covers of other cover bands
Sets up a maternity ward for animals called Pregnant Paws
Asks for "the Aniston treatment" when at the hair salon or psychotherapist
Starts a bird flu scare when insisting all carrier pigeons are carriers
Insists on carrying out all correspondence through snail mail but still ends up writing in text-speak
Thinks 'churlish' means "to act like Churchill"
Goes to job interviews and upon being asked if it has any flaws insists it only has too flaws. Being too great.
Thinks Serbians are the lowest level of "free men" as all the others are sub-Serbians
Invent a drinking game in which inebriated people play Connect 4 called Connect 8.
Totally misunderstands what it means when someone tells them they 'look pensive' as a consequence of Harry Potter being the first and last books it had read.
Uses cologne like one would use deodorant
Sells fake weighted 'spin the bottle' bottles to the same cheaters who get weighted dies for D&D.
Starts a bottled water company called Chernobyl Springs
Writes anti-climactic lists that just end