The diary entries of a little girl who is now 30! ~ Part 2 - Page 95

While it is great to grow up and know responsibility. It is never good to try and measure to everyone else' ideals. Generally most people have their own agendas and could give a rats-ass about you. Just try not to take things too personally. They don't. If you decide to change do it for you (not for others).
 

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Originally Posted by jgray91 


Cobbled up something just for the fun on it, and because the head fits perfectly-ish.

Is that for you or for maverick?

No.

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Originally Posted by Tilpo 

I love noodles. Other than treating others there are no real birthday traditions here.

Many Asian cultures are like that as well.  The theory being that the presence and well-wishes of friends and family are the real gift.

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Originally Posted by Tilpo 

Which reminds me, my dad was once in the US on his birthday for work reasons, and people started treating him. He was astounded, since in Dutch culture it's always the birthday boy that has to bring the cake.

Well, we're a consumer culture here.  If there's cause for celebration, then there's cause to buy stuff.  Birthday?  Buy stuff.  Memorial Day?  Buy stuff.  Savior of all mankind is supposedly born in the ancient equivalent of a parking garage?  Buy LOTS of stuff.  We've got that buying stuff stuff down to an art.  It's the paying for it that we have trouble with.

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Originally Posted by Tilpo 

Other things about Dutch culture and birthdays,
1) Forgetting one's birthday is absolute social blasphemy. It shall not be tolerated.

But since I didn't know it was DF's birthday, I get a free pass this year right?

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Originally Posted by Tilpo 

Other things about Dutch culture and birthdays,
2) When it's someone's birthday, you don't just congratulate the person in question, you also have to congratulate his relatives. (by giving three kisses on the cheek, of course).

I'm not tall enough. 

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Originally Posted by Tilpo 

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Originally Posted by maverickronin 

No.

Yes.

Lol.

You both have good points. Comp it's usually better to fit in with people who you are comfortable around to begin with. As I said earlier don't try to change yourself for other peoples sake. I know what you mean but at the same time the way you would go about it is to fit in with people who you really would not have any common interest/ideals with. Thus your natural responses to begin with, maybe take up acting lol if you must. A good actor makes for a good liar ;). The subconscious mind is a powerful thing. I feel the same way as you do a lot of the time. Many times I feel like I'm on the spot and have to entertain people. At times this can be quite nice but a lot of the time it can be quite irritating and draining, just how my mind works. I'm naturally introverted and find myself drained by others. I'll then need to recharge lol ;).
 

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Originally Posted by driver 8 

He then put his hand on my shoulder, told me I was a good kid, and wandered off.

That story is going in the next Chicken Soup For the Soul.

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Originally Posted by compoopers 

Being at college I've been exposed to many types of people--types that I haven't ever worked with or talked to before.
It's cool to meet all these people but they've made me realize something -- I have a childish personality. While my actions and my goals are not any more, if not less, childish than other people my age, the way I act is not representative of anything resembling a grown up or a "man" so to speak. I'm not trying to fit into stereotypes, but I'd say after all my years of being alive I haven't really ascended to maturity.
The question looming over me is if I should actively try to change myself to reach that ideal maturity that I've observed in others, or if I should just continue "being myself" and hoping that I'll eventually slowly become something like that.

Reminds me of that Corinthians passage quoted in Ghost In The Shell:

That passage aside, I  tend to trust in the idea that people mature across different dimensions at their own rate. I know a friend around my age (very early 20's) who is best described at times as a 'squealing fangirl' who wants to wear kimonos all the time, yet at the same time she's been holding a mortgage for a house since high school. One doesn't just suddenly 'become mature'... in the end you meet with different experiences and you sometimes find yourself with the opportunity to extend yourself for them. Since everyone has different experiences and mature in different ways, I think you can just trust in life to age you in myriad ways.

One instance where I can recognise where I've matured is in regards to friends. One day I found myself realising that it was something of tremendous value to have friends who I could not speak to for months or years, who might have moved far away or fell out of the same circles that you follow - but a single phone call or text message if they were in town / available and suddenly it was as if no time had passed at all.

The idea of these kinds of strong ties never really even entered my mind when I was younger (the idea just seemed sentimental and unrealistic to me when I felt like I had to actively make a constant effort to socialise). And yet I kind of cherish those friendships now and I can see myself appreciating them even more when I'm older. I don't know if this is maturity or just common sense, but perhaps there is little to separate the two.

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Originally Posted by compoopers 

I'm not really talking about my interests so much as the way I present myself. I like to play games and I'm in marching band and I'm a bit goofy. Not at all ashamed of the things I do. Just the way I act, sort of. Subtle things, you know?
For instance, I find it hard to keep up a good conversation with certain types of people -- popular, interesting people, who you'd think it would be easy to have a conversation with. I'm an intelligent guy so I always wondered why that was -- with friends, conversation comes easily and naturally, but with people I don't know that well, it doesn't come to me well at all. I did some analysis and I found that I am not an engaging person with people who I don't know well -- I often give short responses rather than continuing a conversation with another question, I laugh at people's jokes too much rather than thinking of a witty response to keep the conversation going, my own jokes fall flat because I talk too quickly and don't deliver well. That way, when I'm talking to people, rather than "What's your major?" "Business" "Oh, that's cool!" I can actually pause, think of something actually worthwhile to say, and say it. Or, for instance, "What's your major?" "Business, but I'm taking so many GE classes that I'm practically a Philosophy major" "Hahaha!" Instead of just laughing it off, I'd like to be able to actually control myself and say something in return. I've observed most socially successful people here on campus and they're able to do that on the fly.
It's more those kinds of things -- presentation, delivery, the way I react to people, that I'm trying to improve. I'm not trying to change who I am, just the outer face that people interact with, so to speak. Does that make sense?
It's hard for me because obviously I only see myself from my inner perspective. It's hard to tell how others see me, so the way I see myself is different than how others do.

I wouldn't fret. I think small talk is a matter of habit, like lines at a party. You can generally guess where most of these kinds of conversations are going to go, and you're probably going to work out a good response sooner or later and pretty much repeat it ad nauseum.

This is a wonderful and good humored book I've read written by a man who tries to save his deteriorating marriage and improve his 'social performances' after a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome puts a fresh perspective on everything. I'm not even remotely suggesting you have Aspergers but I think it's a universally relatable endeavour when he tries to make a notebook full of social rules he should follow like "Apologies do not count when you shout them". You might like it too!